Beta #2 *Updated with graph

16dp3dt: 1226 mlU/ml!

Doubling time of 35.5 hours.

Dr. S said no more betas, next step: ultrasound #1!

Either I'm havin' twins or an overachieving singleton.

Ultrasound next Saturday, 2/12/11 in St. Louis at 7:30 am. Deep breaths, people.

4w4d/15dp3dt - What A Beta Day

Whew! Yesterday was nutz! Work was crazy, I barely got to eat anything till dinner, and I was up before 5am.

Today is a different story. I finally know that I am pregnant, the number seems to rule out ectopic or a CP (so far), and I'm just so ready to move forward and make it past all my other pregnancy "dates".

If you are not an RPL victim like I am - and I say victim because I didn't do anything wrong - then you always keep track of when the pregnancies ended. Here are my dates/milestones for me to get past for this pregnancy:

4w5d - Pregnancy #1 which was a chemical, ended at midnight at four weeks five days.
5w4d - Pregnancy #3 which was ectopic, ended on this day due to rupture and I had emergency surgery.
7w0d - Pregnancy #4 which was a blighted ovum, ended with a D&C. Might've been 6w5d but what's the difference?
9w0d - Pregnancy #2 which was a sudden loss after seeing the heartbeat consisistently for 3 weeks. Awful.

Once I get to Sunday, I will have reached Milestone #1. It will likely be the easiest of the four. Making it past Milestone #4 doesn't guarantee us anything, but I will surely breathe quite the sigh of relief.

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Question: does anyone know what the hell happened to babymed.com's beta graph capabilities? I tried yesterday to make one on their site and it would not work at all!  I just wanted to see the progression and whether yesterday's beta of 471 mlU/ml was near the twins range. Here's one I made myself based on last year's pregnancy's chart that I saved. Because I'm nuts:

I figure there's still a shot of having twins. At least I'm not below the "average" line. I feel good so far.

But only so far. :)


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Last but not least, I'm finally doing my first ICLW this month! I hope it goes well. I feel like such a an IF virgin when it comes to this stuff! 2010 was my first Creme, now I'm doing ICLW. What's next?

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I have just gotten back into Grey's Anatomy recently after quitting the show during the whole ferry disaster in season 3 or whatever. I want to rant a little here as an IF-er (SPOILER ALERT, LAST NIGHT'S EPISODE):
Calliope is pregnant, maybe 5-6 weeks along. She bugs an MFM/OB/GYN for an ultrasound, everything's fine but she's told it's too early to hear a heartbeat. Drama drama drama.....later this doctor tells her that you can't even hear/see a heartbeat till "at least 8 weeks".
WTF?!?!?! Lies. All lies I tell you. First the "hostile uterus" crap by Meredith and now incorrect info as to heartbeats and ultrasounds? There was a scene where Mark (baby daddy) went to McDreamy and dropped the pregnancy bomb and asked for advice. I loved this: Shepherd said that he and Meredith have been trying for months with no luck and Mark looks at a chick and she's knocked up. You should have seen Shepherd's face when he got the news. Nice to see a man's reaction for once to a preggo announcement.

Still though. 8 weeks!?

14dp3dt - Has Your IVF Doctor Called You Lately?

I have so much to say that I can't even organize it into a coherent thought!

First of all, beta results.



471!!!!


The husband and I are thrilled with this result! Last year, with the doomed blighted ovum pregnancy, the level at 17dpo (today) was only 136 mIU/ml. I think we're doing much better than that, don't you? Beta #2 is this Saturday with u/s #1 tentatively scheduled for next Saturday, 2/12.

I have to say this and I hope that someone googles my blog or my clinic and sees this:

Fertility Partnership is the best IVF clinic EVER!!!!!!

My doctor called me last night because he'd read my post about the PIO info I'd been given by someone at the clinic. I don't know if you saw this, but he actually commented on that post:

"As Medical Director of Fertility Partnership I would like to say that PIO can not cause a false positive hcg. I would like to know what individual on our staff actually said that to you so that they may be reeducated.

The LH/HCG trigger can give false positives if testing is done very early. We draw the test on the day we do for number of reasons that I will share with you when you come in.

Having said that ......Congratulations.!!!"

February 1, 2011 8:51 PM

When I read that comment my heart dropped. I thought I'd gotten someone in trouble, that they were mad at me, that I'd upset someone, etc. I felt so incredibly bad. But then I remembered why I have this blog: to share, to vent, to document. I re-read my post and realized that I was simply venting and hadn't mentioned this person's name or anything. I am spoiled by my local clinic for early betas because I'm sure they give in due to being sick of hearing me call them all the time! I should have waited and been happy that I wasn't in beta hell all week. But I still felt bad. I didn't even know that my doctor was the one who had commented!

So when he called me last night, he wanted to straighten out the confusion about the PIO shots. He clarified that this was not true, just as he'd said in his post and we talked about why they do betas at 14dp3dt (to have a way to track results across the board, on the same day). He answered all my questions, we shared jokes and he said that he'd seen my pictures and that I was definitely pregnant. He was so congratulatory and helpful and all I almost cried because while I almost felt like I got caught with my hand in the cookie jar, I was so happy that he is such an honest and upfront man who would take time out of his evening just to call me about something like this.

I have had many doctors in my lifetime. None have EVER shown me the care and respect that Dr. Simckes has and I'm beyond grateful for that. His care has been above and beyond that of any physician (or even dentists) that I have come into contact with. If I wasn't "in the closet" about our infertility, I would come "out" online and in public today to proclaim how proud and honored I am to have him as my RE. I wish that I lived closer so he could be my all-time OB/GYN and deliver my baby/babies. I'll tell you what though, if I can get through the first trimester, even past viability: I'm having an official coming out on Facebook. I can't wait to tell others about all of this and to advise anyone who will listen that you don't need to spend $24,000 at the clinic closest to you for a 3 fresh + 3 frozen cycle plan that doesn't include monitoring or labs. You don't have to pay a fee for asking to do local monitoring since you only live an hour away from that expensive clinic. You shouldn't be told you will only be allowed to transfer one embryo, even if you fight for two.

We were involved in every single step of our treatment. I asked questions, I questioned answers, and everything that was happening to me was explained and I was comforted. I got hugs and high fives. I walked out of each appointment knowing that the FP staff cared about me and our future babies.

Our decision to drive back and forth to St. Louis from Northeastern Iowa for this IVF treatment was one of the best we've ever made and we are both elated that thanks to Dr. Simckes and his staff at Fertility Partnership, we are, according to him, "Royally pregnant!!!!"

By the way, he called me HIMSELF to deliver my beta results and discuss where we go from here. Are you kidding me?!?!? Sure, a call from one of their awesome nurses would have sufficed, but he called me himself. How cool is he!?

So congrats to me, congrats to my husband, and congrats to the Fertility Partnership for (so far) another success story!!!!

http://www.facebook.com/fertilitypartnership
www.fertilitypartnership.com/

13dp3dt/16dpo

No, you're not crazy. The test line is stealing dye from the control line.

I can't believe beta #1 is tomorrow.

Finally.

I was home for an unintended snow day today because we were literally snowed in and couldn't use our vehicle. I guess I'm working on Saturday.

13 hours and 43 minutes.

Holy beta folks, I wonder what it's gonna be?!?!?!

12dp3dt/15dpo - Lets Talk About My Gay Cats

HPT madness at the bottom if you're interested. Right now, I'd like to have a discussion about feline homosexuality.

I have three cats. Two are male. One is female (but still a kitten). Our two male cats are super-gay. If they would let me put collars on them, they would each have rainbow collars with tons of bells. I support my gay cats but I discourage them when their intimacy makes me uncomfortable. For example: Milo (gray cat) began a little foreplay with Jack (black and white cat) the other day which turned into a full on porno in about 5 minutes. It was pretty disturbing. Jack makes some interesting noises.

So I got out my phone camera and videotaped it. 'Cause I'm gross I guess. But I kept laughing.

Jack is like my best girlfriend. He loves my hair and wants to play with it all the time. He's hugely dramatic and picky and a bit dainty. He's a huge queen. I think he sometimes questions his sexuality because he will occasionally cuddle with little Bella. But Milo always brings him back and I find them making out somewhere.

Here are some pictures of my gay, gay cats.

I kept the pictures clean. But I've got a stash of gay cat porn if you're interested. I wonder if Bella will turn lez? At least I know she won't be getting bugged by the boys. Did I mention the lovely couple is neutered? I think the vet missed a nut or two.

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Thanks for all the support yesterday. I felt like I was crazy after that phone call but now I know that it's all bullshit. I'll definitely be bringing that to Dr. Simckes' attention next time I talk to him.

Below is a picture of last night's FRER addition. I'm only using them at night now. It's still a bit of crack to me I suppose. I also use ICs and $tree tests. The $tree tests are fun because they keep getting darker and darker. I think I've maxed out the FRERs and Answer tests. The dye is starting to make the test line darker now.

Symptoms: heartburn, cramping, motion sickness (if I'm hungry and in a car, I will feel sick), sore boobs, constant hunger, tired all.the.time. I just did a boob check. Yep. Still sore. I know its probably the PIO causing it but still, it is a welcome but painful symptom.

I'm impatiently counting the hours till Beta #1 - do you have any guesses as to what my 14dp3dt/17dpo beta will be with 2 transferred embryos and a super-early BFP with a digital at 6dp3dt? I have no clue. I'm shooting for 500+. The median beta at 17dpo on http://www.betabase.com/ is 580 for twins. Singleton beta for 17dpo is 285 but I'd be surprised if it was below 500. Honestly. The FRERs have been dark since 9dp3dt.

We'll see I suppose.  In the meantime, I'll keep on keepin' on. And trying to survive the blizzard heading our way!



10dp3dt - Just More HPT Pics

I'm probably going to beg for an added beta for this Tuesday (12dp3dt) to go with Thursday's beta.

Taken Saturday 1/29/11, 9dp3dt

Taken Sunday 1/30/11, 10dp3dt

You might not be able to see it, but the test lines are as dark as the control lines. I don't know why I continue to test...but I'm now out of FRERs and Answers and I have coupons, so I'll be going to the drug store later today. Before my nap. I'm exhausted.

Good lord am I eating for 3 now?


That would be pretty awesome.

8dp3dt - Blog Award #2!

I would again like to thank Bridget at The Lost Stork for this award, and it is only my second one since my blogging adventure began waaay back in 2008. I'm honored. 

This award acceptance is very similar to my first award but with a twist, read on:

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award.  *Thanks again Bridget!!!
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers (this is the twist!).
4. Make sure you contact these bloggers to let them know about the award


Here are 7 more things about me:

1. I care about animals more than humans. I can't watch movies or TV where an animal is hurt or killed.
2. DH and I are college sweethearts. We met and fell in love when I was a sophomore and he was a freshman (December 2002).
3. People sometimes have a hard time believing I'm 28. I was asked what "grade" or "year" I was in school just last summer. Apparently I am aging well or I don't know how to carry myself as a grown woman.
4. I'm very bossy. I like things done my way on my terms. That makes it hard to get along with other people. Especially medical professionals. *snort*.
5. I didn't have many friends and was pretty much socially tortured in elementary school or junior high, except for a handful of wonderful girls who made it bearable. I'll always be grateful to them for accepting me for who I was back then. Its a long story.
6. I have many issues with FB and how much people share. Between my 25 year old brother and sister-in-law's mushy and inappropriate exchanges and my 14 year old cousin's oversharing, along with stupid pregnancy announcments and updates, I wish the whole thing could be shut down. But I like FB page stalking to see how people are doing without "friending" them. I'm terrible.
7.  I've gone through this horrible IF journey so far with few family or friends to make me feel supported or that I'm not alone and I'm so happy now to be a part of such a special community where support is never too far away. Besides, I get more satisfaction in following other women's stories and letting them know I'm here for them too, because we're all together in this, one way or another.

And without further ado (where did that saying come from by the way?), I would like to introduce 15 blogs that I've recently found and really enjoy following (without repeating those who've already received this award):

1. Infertile Follies
2. Viva la Vida
3. Banking On It
4. The Mensing Baby Adventure
5. Zero to Baby
6. Fearlessly Infertile
7. Beckie's Infertility Journey
8. Park Slope Purgatory
9. Project Baby
10. hope4joy
11. Wishing for the Gift of Life
12. The Chronicles of Violetta Margarita
13. Baby Talk
14. Life and Love with the Bradleys
15. .:. Carpe Diem .:.

Thanks again!

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I'm not sure how many of you follow Jane at Infertile Follies or LisaB at The Pursuit of Pregnancy but they both had rough beta days yesterday. Please go show them some love because we've all had bad IF days and the support, at least to me, has helped a lot.

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Whatever's going on inside my ute has continued so far. Here's proof with this morning's test with yesterday's tests. Also the $tree tests have begun to show positives. Finally, stupid cheap asshats.

This mornings shot of test progressions. I clearly have a testing problem.

If they didn't keep changing color I might stop. I could stop if I wanted to.

You can't have an intervention if you can't find me. Neener.

My package of ICs came in the mail yesterday so I peed on lots of stuff last night,

the picture above being Exhibit A.

So when I test every 12 hours, its with three different tests now instead of just two.

I'm obsessed! Do you think there's rehab for this? 

 

The PIO shots are getting better. The movement to the top of the Sharpie circles on my butt instead of the lower half is such a big improvement. So here's my tip ladies about to start PIOs: the higher up on the butt, the better. Apparently the fatty part of our asses doesn't like needles or oil.

Finally, I told DH I'd blog about this but I'd forgotten to do so till now. When I got my IV in and was waiting to go into the ER, he was standing next to my bed and holding my non-IV hand. He kept swinging it back and forth till it hit my boob. Then he did it again. I asked him if he was really trying to cop a feel before one of the biggest days of our lives, and he said, "um, yeah?".   I wasn't surprised. At least it distracted me from all the blood on my IV hand and the nervousness of the occasion.

He's not handling the "pelvic rest" rule right now. I'm not feeling sexy or intimate at all these days and the more I turn down his advances, the more he keeps doing sweet things to take care of me and our house. I feel like the worst wife ever! I'm getting there. The heparin injections are taking their toll on my belly though. I'm running out of room for needle spots and I'm supposed to "pinch an inch" before injecting and all I'm pinching is bruises! Its all worth it now though. I'm freakin' pregnant.

For now, at least. I'll probably if I'll ask to push up my beta till next Monday (11dp3dt or 14dpo) for a Tuesday draw, followed by the already scheduled Thursday draw. I don't know if I can keep peeing on sticks and not know what my betas are!

7dp3dt - Want The BFP Scoop?

It is my rule to take a picture with a positive digital, so I did last night. As part of that rule I post it on my blog. I can't tell what kind of face I'm making but I remember still being in a bit of shock. 

I mean, come on, right? What the whaaaat?

6 days past a 3 day transfer and I'm getting positive digis?

Here's how this played out:

I started testing with FRERs at 4dp3dt. I wanted that trigger to be gone. GONE gone. Well that was at 9 days past the trigger and I saw such a faint line (see: turning 90 degrees at a time and tilting under bright lights) on that FRER on Monday that I figured it was still the trigger and hoped that by Tuesday (5dp3dt) the test would be completely negative. So I was using Dollar Tree tests and FRERs about every 12 hours since Monday night. And I want to say that Dollar Tree tests blow. I quit using those things. Sure I was seeing something, but if I'm getting positives on FRERs and Digitals, the dang cheapos should be pretty clearly postitive, right? Man!

Anyhow, Tuesday morning I tested in the AM (5dp3dt) with a Dollar Tree and it looked faint or negative so I quit caring and moved on with my day, totally bummed, convinced that this whole thing had failed.

THEN: I tested after work with a Dollar Tree test Tuesday night (5dp3dt). Now I would be posting pictures of all of these but my freakin' phone cam sucks so much that they're all blurry. Besides, I barely saw the second line that night myself. Also, and here's the kicker: I took a digital EPT that night and it said, "Not Pregnant". I was disappointed but not surprised. I mean, come on. BUT: that meant the trigger was definitely gone.

I was really confused because I was seeing a second line the evening of 5dp3dt. That's waaaay too soon, right? But I showed DH and he said he saw it, barely, and we both got a little excited. That was my major attitude adjustment that I'd mentioned in my Wednesday morning post.

I tested yesterday morning, the dawn of 6dp3dt. It was positive. There was no mistaken that light pink line. I woke DH up before his alarm and told him....I couldn't believe it! This was really happening! But I didn't want to blog about it because I was worried that I'd get a comment that it was too early and my happy bubble would burst. I just wanted to enjoy the day while I could, just in case it popped when I got home.

We went to the drug store last night to refill my Folgard 2.2 and I decided to pick up another box of FRERs (3 tests inside, not 2!) and a box of Answer tests, just for fun (2 in that box) and we went home, oblivious as to what was about to happen. I went upstairs and used a dollar tree test and an FRER. The DT was sucky. Waste of a dollar. The FRER? Best yet. That second line was much more pink than that morning's test.

Then I said, "Fuck it.", and went and grabbed the last digital I had of the two I'd been saving since the last pregnancy shit-storm from Spring 2010. It was a Clearblue Easy digital and those suckers are hard to get a BFP with, trust me.

I set it down with the hourglass flashing, taking pictures of the positive FRER (again, at 6dp3dt! What is going on?!?!?), when I saw it.

PREGNANT.

My hand flew to my mouth and I started crying. I couldn't believe it, but it had to be true. So I grabbed the FRER and the CBE and put them in my robe pocket and went downstairs where DH was doing some dishes (he has been so flippin' sweet these days I hope I reward him handsomely when I'm feeling less like a fat pincushion) and I stuck the FRER in his face, nicely, and asked if he saw "it". He said it was much darker and he could see it. Then I got out the CBE and showed him and he smiled and said something about it being great and I started crying again and asked for a hug. I didn't care if his hands were wet, we hugged and I cried and I told him that I was so happy. He laughed at me for crying but he knew I was emotional and hormonal. I also reminded him I felt so much pressure because all the money we spent was his retirement money, that this was our one shot for a long time. (By the way, for the rest of the night I clutched that CBE and kept checking it because I thought it would suddenly say NOT PREGNANT. Tell me nobody's thought this, please. I can't be that nuts.)

Then I went and took some more pictures and then, as you know, I blogged because I had to let you all know. But I want to say this: I have seen so many BFPs on blogs over the past 3 years that have been slaps in my face. It wasn't anything that the ladies said or did, but a reminder to me that I didn't have it. This is not an obligatory apology to anyone, but I have been on the other end of failure for so long that for one moment last night, it was amazing to be able to share some good news for once. Who knows how this will turn out?

It's my fifth pregnancy. I'm trying not to be superstitious or worrisome about it. I feel confident - for now - because of the following:

This is the earliest BFP I've ever gotten. By a long shot.

Dr. Simckes has me on Prednisone (to "fix" the probable NK cells that might have been killing other babies).

Dr. Simckes has me on Heparin (to "fix" the probable clotting disorder that I might have).

Dr. Simckes has me on PIO (to make sure that I get plenty of Progesterone in case I ever had an issue with that).

I'm on Folgard and Rx-strength prenatals.

I had fluid in my uterus 11 days before the transfer and he cleared it out.

I had a tiny dot of fluid again on retrieval day but they said the PIO would make it go away.

After being dumb and googling all the fluid info I could get, it was still gone by transfer day.

My lining was over 14 mm at ET and there was zero fluid.

Dr. Simckes would NEVER have proceeded if he thought the cycle would be threatened or a complete bust.

The embryo(s) are clearly in there now and putting off some serious HCG.

I don't feel like this will be a chemical because I've had one of those and it was the opposite of this.

I doubt this is ectopic.

Finally, we can only hope that we get a take-home baby (or two!) from this pregnancy because we now know how crappy my eggs are.

BUT.

I feel confident today, and I hope the betas are reflective of my confidence.

In a freakin' week! I mean why not 11dp3dt?! Daaang! 14dp3dt sucks. But at least I can start obsessing over them later and enjoy the pregnancy now, for what it is.

I tested again this morning and the FRER is ever so slightly darker than last nights, but in 12 hours, its hard for it to increase that much. But comparing yesterday morning's test to this mornings test for DH was such a difference. Night and day how much darker that line is this morning. Freakin' nutz people. Its 7dp3dt and I'm pregnant.

*I got another blog award - this time from the lovely Bridget and I'm so sorry I haven't gotten a chance to acknowledge it yet, but I will for sure post about it later today or tomorrow! Also Bridget, your socks went out in the mail yesterday so I hope you get them today or tomorrow - good luck with your retrieval! 

**It's going to be tough keeping this from my Mom. She asks me every day how I'm doing, but when she knows I'm pregnant she gets all clingy and excited and talks about it all the dang time with assvice that I don't want. So I'm going to blissfully pretend we don't know anything yet and keep her at arms length till we get our beta result next Thursday. One more week of a secret. Sigh....

I Don't Know What To Title This Entry

And I really don't know what to say about this either....I'll spill more tomorrow but:

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I'm going to go keep crying happy tears, staring at these tests, and celebrate with my husband.

We got some bebez up in here y'all. Pshhh.

Pregnancy #4 - How Long Will This Last?

I was awake at 4am. I stayed in bed till 5:30 because I peed at 3am. Sad, but the only reason I stayed in bed was because I wanted more concentrated pee. All I could think about was if this is ectopic again or if we're having twins, how to tell our families, etc.

So I peed on an "Answer" at 5:35 am and took a quick shower (progesterone is gross so I shower at night and in the morning. My skin is so dry!!). And when I got out, the test was positive and getting a bit darker. DH and I had discussed doing a digital today and I told him that if we do one, I want him to be there for it but I wasn't waiting till he woke up to do it.

Thus I woke him up at 5:50 am and asked if he still wanted to do that together or have me do it on my own. We agreed I'd leave the pee cup in the bathroom and bring in the active test. So I did. I set it on his night stand and turned on the light. I kept saying that it's early and it may still be negative...

"PREGNANT"

Yep! Finally! He was pretty happy - he got over being woken up. Neither of us slept well anyways so it didn't really matter. I doubt we'll sleep much at all till we get to see an ultrasound or something.

For now, according to FRER, EPT, The Dollar Tree and those crappy Russian cheapies: I'm Pregnant!

Okay I have to get ready for work but I just wanted to share this and some pictures:

Please excuse the scary no-makeup face and my undone hair. I had to do a digital bfp shot. I ALWAYS have.

Beta #1 is in about an hour - I'll post as soon as I get the results!

HPT Pics - BFP!!!

Here is the Dollar Tree test I took at lunch today:

But here's the beaut - above is this morning's test. Below is what I took at 5:45 pm this evening:

If you can't see how dark the second one is - then I just don't know what to say. It's amazing!!!

I'll be taking a digital tomorrow. If it isn't positive (its my last one dangit!) then I'll know the number is under 50 mlu and that it's still early. But if not, I'm thinking multiples! It's so soon!!!!

I.am.way.too.excited.

Holy Crap

I went to Taco Bell for lunch. Fresco tacos - highly recommended.

Went next door to dollar tree. Bought like, 8 tests. And a 6-pack of kiddie cups to pee in.

Drove back to office. Saw my mom (who works in the building across the street; another story, a hole 'nother time). Chatted. Hadn't peed since 6am, starting to feel the urge to piss pants.

Got into bathroom, peed in kiddie cup. Used dollar tree hpt. Prepared myself for squinting, seeing evap/indentation lines.

Instead, there are two very distinct pink lines. The one on the right is dark - control. The one on the left? Quite noticeable. The dollar tree test from Sunday was negative.

Oh my frigging geezus. I think I'm pregnant.


*UPDATE: I called Dr. B's office and got them to let me do a beta tomorrow. I know it's only 12dpiui, but then I'll get another one on Friday if tomorrow's is positive for pregnancy. And I guaranteed Nurse Sweet But Flighty (my favorite) that it WILL be positive!!!!!