10 Days Later

Has it only been ten days since my last post? Amazing.

I'll give you the rundown:

HSG was postponed b/c AF didn't show till 10/15 due to massively late ovulation.
Had consult on Saturday 10/16 - we love Dr. S! Can't wait to get started.
Dr. S wants following tests/labs/procedures done before we start:

DH: S/A and Hemoglobin A1C (to check for diabetes).
Christa: CD3 FSH and Estradiol; Hysteroscopy w/ HSG to see if tubes are open and if there's any scar tissue; find out Antral-Follicle Count from first IVF consult in April, AMH test.

Here's what we have accomplished since LAST SATURDAY:
DH: S/A done. Count has plummeted to total 16 million with 50% motility and a high pH. No morph count in yet. Hemoglobin A1C: 5.4, supposed to be between 4-6. Unfortunately his Glucose came back at 108. Cutoff is 99.

Christa: FSH 7.9, Estradiol 21. Both normal. AMH test sent to Mayo Clinic for results.
Hysteroscopy w/ Laparoscopy for Tubal Dye Study completed on Thursday 10/21/10. Still recovering.

Guess what they found when they were poking more holes in me? Fucking Endometriosis. Yep. Stage I-II. I've never had it before and Dr. B (who did this procedure too) looked for it last November during the Laparoscopic surgery to repair my ruptured tube from the ectopic pregnancy. He showed me pictures last November: no endo.

Suddenly, I have three spots of endo!?!?! What the hell!?

It shouldn't cause IVF to be cancelled, right? Dr. S will just have me on Lupron, right?

I'm kind of freaking out. But at the same time, my tubes are open and we've run all the tests we can run....We're doing ICSI but DH's count drop is not good, that's for sure.

Sorry I took so long to post, it's been a crazy week.

But we've put money down with the clinic and we're scheduled for a January retrieval date! Dr. S said this cycle is a "Testing Cycle" and that I'll start BCPs when I get AF next month, likely mid-November. We'll go back downt to STL to set up the calendar and for him to do an U/S and we'll be able to finalize everything.

That's where we're at.

Hey - anyone puke after Hysteroscopy and/or Lap? I started puking today!

Smiles and Grrrs

So - quick updates:

AF is not here yet.
She won't be till tomorrow or Friday b/c I didn't ovulate until CD18 or CD19 (wtf is up with that too?). Today is CD32. All BFNs but I swore the last 3 days I was knocked up. But it was wishful thinking.
Email from awesome nurse at IVF clinic included the following: an HSG before bleeding has ended can cause endo. Huh? Well I'll believe her. My doctorate in GoogleIVF isn't as prestigious as her nursing degree and years of experience in IVF. So the HSG for this Friday will likely be cancelled as of tomorrow and I'll try to get one in next week locally so as not to derail everything. She also said a retrieval will likely happen in JANUARY. Um, my psychotic need to schedule everything has an expectation of a retrieval in early December. Dangit. We'll straighten this all out on Saturday because the doc will either put me on about 20 days of BCPs or 40. 40???? That's a lot.

So help from you IVF ladies? If CD1 is this Friday, and I have the HSG next week, what do you think he'd do based on your experiences? Do you really think that it'll get dragged out for all of November and stims in late December?

As for my life outside TTC, I had 3 cat trees/condo/towers delivered and assembled as of last Saturday morning and they are too cute! Pictures are coming, I just need to take some of the last 2 we assembled.

And finally, I have added 3 new blogs for your reading (and drooling) pleasure:

http://epicute.icanhascheezburger.com/
http://bakeitinacake.com/
http://prettyprettyyumyum.wordpress.com/

For someone like me who has a sweet tooth that surprisingly hasn't caused diabetes or complete tooth rot yet, these sites made me smile this morning and I can't wait to see all the new delicious creations they show us!

No I Didn't Steal A Baby....

Thanks Lindsay for the comment! I was going to wait till someone commented because I'm stubborn and I figured no one read my post and didn't care about the fact that I did something bad. I see you care. I also love the M&M onesie you got!


Okay....deep breath....








I took Clomid and Repronex without doctor's orders this month.









There. I said it. 

Now I will explain it:


DH is on Clomid every other day. His prescriptions overlapped so he had 4 extra pills at 50mg each. I used to be on 50 mgs and got at least 2 follicles with it. I had one vial of Repronex left, so per the usual, I started the Clomid on CD5 and then on CD9 took the shot of Repronex.


I could get a cyst. I could get pregnant with twins. I could have an ectopic. The doctor could be pissed (but would I really tell him? Yes b/c I'm a terrible liar).


I don't care right now. We're terrified that we will probably have to do IVF and DH is in a crappy job situation right now where if he doesn't pass his exam in three weeks, he's fired. He's studying now but realistically, since he's failed THREE TIMES already, I can't have much hope that he'll pass. He's also desperately trying to find another job, but no one's hiring or he's under/over qualified.

If he gets fired, we lose our medical coverage, all that we've paid towards it will be gone and we'd have to move over to mine where the premium is insane as is the extremely high deductible. So while coverage may be there for IF, none of it counts toward the deductible and instead of iuis being covered 50/50, it'll be 100% out of pocket.

Thus, this is probably our last cycle with coverage. If it doesn't work and if AF shows up before his test on July 21st (which it would if this cycle doesn't work), then I'll explain to the nurses and doctor about our coverage situation and get our meds ordered fast under our current insurance so at least  that's covered since we have 90% coverage for the injectables.

So that's that. I got a positive OPK yesterday on CD16 (started getting dark on CD15 and was full-fledged positive yesterday, right on schedule), so we're giving it all we've got.

I know I broke the rules and self-medicated and I don't ever plan to do it again, but it was the only time to do it and it's under dire circumstances. I'll go crazy if we don't at least try b/c we may not have the money to keep going soon and it's almost 3 years of TTC! I'm a nutty infertile....the day has finally arrived.

So slap me with a wet noodle....but I did what I had to do.

Thoughts? More consequences you can think of ladies? Any encouragement?

I'm starting to comment on blogs again, slowly.....this cycle is giving me a little hope now....

Something Positive

I got the job!  Same salary as my last job AND I'd get overtime if I work over 40 hours!!!!! I start on March 15th so yay me!! At least something is going right.

As far as IVF coverage, I doubt there is any; it's a high-deductible program so even if they did, we'd be paying a lot out of pocket. I'll ask more on Monday when I talk to the lady that offered me the job. She called this afternoon and said they loved me! I also think this job will be so much better than that craptastic one I had before I got laid off.

I talked to Julie from the RESOLVE conference tonight and she gave me tons more info. We are going and I"m booking the hotel tomorrow. I'm so excited! There's a bunch of breakout sessions and one is "Guy 101". Well it's at the same time as the IVF info session so DH is demanding to go to the IVF one instead of the Guy talk thing so he can learn about IVF from someone other than me. It sounds so great and I figure DH and I will bond over this experience. I'll share everything I can with you, my legion of followers. lol....

IUI is next week. Last one covered by insurance (at 50%, jerks). We don't pray often but it's gotten to that point.

Follow Up With Urologist

Here were the stats on the s/a (which doesn't include morphology so why do we bother but whatever):

100 million overall count
35% motility (down from 51% in November 09)
35 million total motile

The doc said that DH can stay on the Clomid but only for about a year to 18 months. That puts our deadline starting around August to February 2011. The doc said that if we want to use our last covered IUI then that's fine but he's done all he can with DH and recommended IVF. He left the room to make a copy and that's when DH was all, "Well I guess we might do that in the next 8-10 months but you'll have to have a job. Besides we really can't afford it." To which I replied/freaked out by saying, "Um, no. We've been trying too long and clearly there is something wrong with me and if this IUI or March's IUI results in resounding failure, and as long as I have a job at that time, I'm making us another IVF consult appt. Except this time we won't cancel it (due to ectopic)." 

So: personal timeline - Feb IUI (in the works); March IUI (#6 and last one covered). We talked about it afterwards and agreed that the first two IUIs were a waste with 2 million post wash and one had a cyst, not a follicle. So we'll probably do 2 more IUIs out of pocket. By May, if there no success, we'll do an IVF consult.

I'm at peace with that plan. However, 3/27 is coming up. It's the anniversary of my miscarriage from last year (9 weeks) and our only non-chemical/non-ectopic pregnancy and since I made it through the last year by promising myself I'd be pregnant by that date, I'm feeling a bit of pressure.

Oh, and I had a job interview today. We'll see if I get the job. I'll find out in about 2 weeks, maybe a month. At least I had an interview. Only took 6 weeks to get one.

Did I Mention 2010 Will Be The Year?

So I've been obsessively testing since 9 dpo. Yes I'm nuts. DH and I thought we saw a faint BFP on Monday night on a Clear Blue Easy non-digital and an E.P.T. but I think they were bleed lines b/c nothing else has come close to a BFP since then. I've used a FRER, internet cheapies, Dollar Tree tests and more CBE and EPTs. No dice.

That's fine - AF is supposed to show by New Year's Eve or New Year's Day (preferably) so this should be a fun weekend. If AF shows on 1/1/10, then the cycle days would literally be the same as the calendar days, easier to keep track I suppose. Also, January is our only chance to get the coveted 10/10/10 due date!!!! lol...doesn't mean it'll happen but it'd be so cool. Finally, once DH has his surgery we may be kind of screwed with any IUIs for awhile. If January's doesn't work then we'll definitely do one in Febuary, but we will probably do a s/a in March before doing another one. We'll do clomid in March for sure, but definitely a se.men analysis before an IUI in March just so we aren't wasting one of the 6 that are covered. We've used three so Jan-Mar woudl be our last chances to have the 50% coverage by insurance. Yeah, only 50% is covered. But DH believes that it'll happen this year for sure w/out IVF so I told him that if i'm not pregnant by the end of the year that we're going to start IVF. I'm not waiting anymore. Also, about 74 days after his surgery - or April-ish - his count will likely plummet and won't recover for another 74 days. So we basically lose at least 2 cycles this year if not 3. Yay, right? So we only have 9 months in 2010 to get knocked up and stay that way. No pressure, right?

One Month after BFP - 2 1/2 Weeks Post EP Surgery

Beta on 12/10/09: 3
We got the green light - it's bunny time!

I got a positive OPK last night. FINALLY. And this afternoon. Yes. I took one at work. It's currently in my sweater pocket. B/c it looks like an HPT, I have to hide it so nobody finds it/sees it and thinks i'm pregnant. Or if someone figures out what it is I will be quite red-faced.
This afternoon I have been feeling quite a bit of pressure/pain in my right ovary area and then under my belly button (that spot probably b/c of the buttoned pants I'm wearing toady; I've been unbuttoning my pants since the surgery), and my lower back.
Thus, I think I'm ovulating today/tonight/tomorrow. Dh and I have been bd-ing every other day since last wednesday just in case. Since it appears I am actually popping out an egg in the next several hours, we're going to "hit it" hard tonight and tomorrow for sure.
Maybe it'll work. Maybe I'll have another ectopic. Maybe we'll actually get a live baby in nine months. No clue. But I'm excited for the possibility. At least we didn't have to wait 3 months like the other/fired doc was going to make us wait and at least dh has a healthy/normal (kind of) count for us to try with unlike what happened in March. We tried for three months after March, oh yes we did. But with very little swimmers that actually knew where they were going, it clearly didn't work. Let's see, the first IUI 3 months after dh started taking Clomid, we got pregnant. Duh. Obviously it worked and his swimmers got a clue. So, since we've got some good ones till about 74 days after dh's ACL surgery 1/28/10, we have got to go at this hard until the count drops off. THEN we'll have to wait 74 more days after that till they go back to normal-ish...for him. You know what I mean.

But I feel confident that we WILL get pregnant and STAY pregnant in 2010. Dammit. Or else. You hear me future baby/babies?!?!? You will sit and you will stay in the right place until it's time to come out. Grrr.

I'm happy. I am in total love with my husband. We are okay. We got a new TV and a Wii for Christmas. Instead of an exchange we decided to get those things. The Wii's not yet set up, we're pretty 'tarded when it comes to that kind of stuff and we want to wait for our NEW COUCH to arrive! We got a sectional that I call "the butt couch" b/c it has little cushions all over it so i think it looks like it's got butts on it. Dh doesn't agree but we both like that it's beyond comfortable (our current couches are hand-me-downs from my parents and I think the couches are 15 years old), and has massagers on both sides of the sectional! We got two couches that are three-seaters and then the middle triangle thingy. I never wanted a sectional but I ended up falling in love with this one. Each side has a little cooler in it too under the middle seat so how neat is that! The couch is to be delivered on New Year's Eve (not entirely convenient but we'll work with it) and they'll take our crappy couches and horrible recliner. We're counting the days.

We'll find out by New Year's Eve or New Year's Day if I'm knocked up. If it didn't work, then I get to start Clomid by day 3 (if I can't reach the doctor, I'll just take Eric's and then replace his with the Rx that I get - this really works out, being on the same fertility meds) and then we'll do IUI #4 by the 15th or 16th. I'll find out if I'm knocked by Dh's ACL surgery (probably do beta the morning of the surgery) so, that's all good stuff! I'm super excited for the next six weeks. I really really really hope it works before April (when DH's sperm go to sh*t). As long as it works before April, we'll have our baby in 2010. Hopefully.

Moving Forward

I thought the template for this blog was a bit dark, with the black background, etc. So I changed it today to this new peaceful, beachy template. It gives me hope, and I feel better about most things these days.

I kind of had a brain fart on the opks over the weekend. Yes, we're taking one more natural/at-home shot at this before Clomid/IUI#1 next cycle. The opks I got online, like all the others, are smaller, skinnier, etc. So I misread a negative for a positive. Good thing I took one each day b/c Saturday's got really, really dark in the afternoon. So we tried on Sunday too. Unfortunately there was only one Preseed applicator left and we used it on Friday. I figure it'll help DH's already struggling little guys...it worked for the one time I got pregnant...so maybe our 2 big efforts over the weekend worked. I doubt it, but I'll probably get all excited once my cycle heads past the 28 day mark like it has for the past few months. 28-days till November. Then it was 32 days. Then 26 days in December. Then 32 days again in January. What the deuce, right?

I just keep ovulating later and my LP is so screwy now. Glad I'm going on the Clomid. Hopefully if the red headed sl*t comes around, she's here around the 20th or 21st instead of the 22nd or 23rd. Only because the IUI would fall on a Monday or Tuesday and I don't have those days off. I hate the thought of using a sick day on it and I'd rather go home and relax all day to allow the swimmers to do their jobs.

I am taking a work test on March 11th though so I could use the day to study at home, etc. Whew! I'm quite the planner huh? This kid will have to get used to it, even though he/she hasn't exactly followed our "plan" for the past 16 months.

So I came up with a great idea for telling DH that I'm knocked up. See, he's not drinking anymore. Yeah. No booze. You don't understand how big of a sacrifice this is for him. He had a sip of his dad's beer last Saturday and looked like a 16 year old when I looked at him. It was funny.

But my idea is as follows, though not in concrete yet: I get him a six pack of his favorite beer and wrap it. Then I include the BFP test and present it to him accordingly. The BFP can't be faint either. It's gotta be pretty obvious. Then I can have a fresh digital one waiting for him to make me prove it. Since I lost our only pregnancy a day and a half after that BFP, he may make me continue to pee on sticks till the ultrasound. I don't mind. I'll enjoy every single positive test I take and cherish it. I'd kiss each one but we all know that there will be pee on it so...if I do I'll keep it to myself. :)

Ironically though, it'll be a year to the day on March 19th when I miscarried. This year I will hopefully get my BFP within a week of that anniversary. My next AF would be due around March 20th -23rd. So I shuld know by then. What a great way to get through such a difficult time.

I Took A Self-Imposed Time-Out

I see, based on all the comments left for me, that I have a huge following (that's a little sarcasm there)...so I figure I'll update you "all" on what's been going on.

I've been moping and feeling sorry for myself lately, mainly because of the frustration of this whole testing process, and also irritated that we have to take this cycle off basically to gear up for next month's start of treatment.

Overall? DH's counts are too low to get me pregnant. Not only are they low but also confused and lazy, and misshapen. For the most part. However they're not too low that the doc doesn't feel confident about Clomid/IUI for 3 cycles.

Thus we're counting the days till AF comes (expected 2/20/09) so that I can get the Clomid and get started...I had my ultrasound (normal and awesome) last Wednesday and my HSG on Friday.

I'm not in the mood to post about it today, but the HSG was the WORST PAIN I'VE EVER FELT IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. 'Nuff said there. My right (or left I don't remember I was dizzy with pain) tube was probably blocked so the doc had to push more contrast through. Now that they both look clear and my uterus is 100% normal (I asked if it was mis-shapen or tilted or anything), the doc is ready for us to begin treatment.

DH and I agreed, with the doc, that we would try 3 months of Clomid/IUI and if they didn't work, we'd find out if Dh has a varicocele. If he does he'll get it fixed. DH is also on GNC's Fertility Blend vitamin supplements so hopefully they help. He started them 2 weeks ago and they take about 3 months to take effect so it may not be seen till the IUI #3...even then, third time's a charm, right?

We told our parents about all of this on Friday and Saturday. My mom knew everything, but my dad didn't know much. I kept it low-key with my folks. With DH's parents, they had no idea we were having problems. His mom, bless her heart, gave some advice but didn't understand how much we've been through with testing and how much I know about TTC and infertility.

Then they said it took them 2 years to get pregnant with Dh's younger sister, and they went for a workup at the doctor to find out what was going on; antibiotics administered and boom. Pregnant.

I explained it's not like that, and it was hard to tell them that their son has a low sperm count. His dad said he thinks his count might have been low too, but he can't remember. It's easier if Dh can blame this on genetics.

In the meantime I'm apparently helping my brother's fiancee plan their wedding in 2 months. They had an "oops" baby, my first nephew, back in December. She got pregnant 2 weeks after I had my miscarriage. I harbor a bit of resentment for my brother in general so I'm working to get through this...wish me luck.

I Hear The JAWS Theme In The Background

I'm getting minor cramps, started about 11:15 am this morning. I know AF is coming. My bbs have stopped being sore, classic sign. And that's fine. I might have started getting excited and hoped one of DH's funny-shapen, slow moving and rare spermies found my egg and we got lucky. But now I'm in a bit of limbo. At least I can call the doctor's office and schedule the dang HSG now. The thing I'm worried about is that when I was trying to schedule the ultrasound, next Thursday and Friday were booked. How will they get me in for the HSG in time? It has to be done over CD 7-10...that'd be next Tues - Fri. Geesh. Also it would be totally awesome if they had me start Clomid too so we could do an IUI this month. That would be sweet! But I'm sure they'll say no...

However, if AF doesn't come by tonight I'm taking a test tomorrow morning. I'm a bit of a masochist I think. But if I got pregnant this next cycle the baby would basically be due 10/28/09 which is kind of close to Halloween. That is okay, I'll take a baby any day. Halloween would be tough on the kid, I'd think. Christmas would be way harder though...

I told DH about the varicocele surgery. He didn't seem to excited and said I'd owe him. For what? I'm being poked, prodded, scanned, etc. I've worried, stressed, cried (countless times) planned on being a mother for almost a year and a half now. He's sat back and said to relax. Hmmm. Not to be horrible but it's technically an issue directly related to HIM! How do I owe him?!?!?! Sorry. He can be so insensitive sometimes and says things that really irritate me. I feel badly for him and I know it's a huge hit to his ego and manhood. But how do I "repay" someone for having their problem fixed? And I thought finances were the biggest problem in marriages.

Anxiously Anticipating AF

So strange! I know, right? For the past 15 months, I've dreaded her return. It meant we failed yet another cycle. But this time, her arrival means we can start more testing and move on towards better chances of success! However, since I think I o'ed on 1/9/09 and we timed bd-ing around there, it's our last chance to do it naturally, since the doc figures IUI is our best shot.

Probably a bit TMI but I'm just not feeling her yet. My nips are kind of sore and my attitude has been less than pleasant (or patient) the past few days. So I say she'll be about 2 days late. With the early arrival of AF last month by 2 days but a late ov, who knows when she'll show? The latest I'd guess is 32 day cycle. I technically o'ed three days late based on last cycle, and since my LP is typically 12-14 days, she could come tomorrow, Thursday or Friday. But I'm wearing my trusty pantiliner and have my Super tampax in my pocket (it does look weird but I never seem to be prepared on the spot at work). I keep rushing to the bathroom to check every time I feel something. How many times have I done that since I was about 12? Sometimes though, you know. The last time it was in public, I was in a golf tournament on hole #1 when I sat down and I just knew. I kinda ruined my khaki shorts and walked funny the rest of the tournament. I also only had a mini-type “light” tampon that’s meant for a tween or something. It was horrible.

But I regress…DH is less in the dumps over this dx because I called the doc’s office yesterday to get some clarity as to what his results really mean. He basically has 2 strikes out of 3. His count is low (18.5 mil; 20 mil is normal, my doc wants to see at least 50 mil); and his morphology is bad (7%; my doc wants to see 13%+…whatever that means on the count, I know what morphology is). His motility is 50% though and that’s on the line. Doc wants 50%+ and DH has 50%. We’ll take it.

The nurse I spoke with speculates that DH has a varicocele. I googled that and found it is repairable. Apparently no urologists in our area do that kind of specialized surgery (it involves a 2 inch incision and pulling the testes out of the sack to repair and then putting it back…sounds painful and includes anesthesia).

Thus we’ll have to go to UI to have a male fertility specialist examine him and diagnose him with this condition. If it is a varicocele, then once it’s repaired his count should increase and maybe the morphology will be better too. The nurse did say that they’ll be putting me on Clomid. She also said that if I have PCOS I’ll be put on Metformin and something else. I told her that I don’t have extra hairs growing or random periods. She said that I could still have it if there’s a “pearl necklace” or visible cysts growing on my ovaries. They’ll also clear things out with the HSG. I just hope I’m okay. The tests seemed to show that…
I’ll try to keep posting. I like to run from things that suck. That means that putting them in writing makes them exist.

Cancel The Baby Parade

1. My tests normal but my glucose was 103, should be 99 or below. I was put on a low-carb, low-sugar diet and I have also been ordered to get an ultrasound and HSG before moving forward.

2. Male Factor Infertility is our culprit. DH's count was pretty low and the suckers don't move very well. So this sucks.

Doctor says IUI with Clomid is our action plan. I'm still in shock. I secretely hope that a miracle swimmer caught up with a late ovulation last weekend and I got pregnant. Will find out next week of AF doesn't show. But I'm more looking forward to her arriving so we can get the HSG scheduled and get this fricking show on the road.

DH is devestated, as am I. We just don't know what to say. His dad and half-brothers are baby-making machines. We can only speculate that DH's smoking for many years and beer drinking would be a factor. He quit a year ago with me so we can't for sure say that's the problem. This sucks though. I wish the doc would order another S/A so we can see the difference. Maybe she figures its pointless b/c how this one turned out.

I'm just so upset. We've got volleyball league so I'll go enjoy my plain grilled chicken, salad and diet coke...and maybe go home for a mixer and get trashed. This blows. It could be worse, I'm well aware there are couples out there who have it way worse and we are blessed to have options. But odds haven't really been in our favor on much...ever. So we're not so confident the Clomid/IUI will work. I guess we just need to sleep on this news. For a weekend.

And What Time Was The Collection?

This morning was the appointment for my dear husband's S/A. We had to drop off the "sample" at the hospital in our town as it was much closer than driving into the city where we work, and then he could do his thing at home.

First I was up before six to shovel our driveway and sidewalk as another snowstorm dropped about five inches of white rain (snow, get it?) all over the place. So we then had to time DH's sample especially since it couldn't be dropped off until 7am. Somehow it worked and we went to the lab. The technician asked what time it was collected. DH turned beet red and cracked a nervous smile while I was the grown-up who said "6:57 am and it's written on the cup too." He giggled all the way to the car, which I must admit was cute, in an adult-acting-like-a-teenager sort of way. It was a morning experience that I really don't want to have again. We were both late to work too because of the late lab opening and the horrible road conditions. Oh well, we figured this would happen. Since we have to stay later, it'll be another Subway night because I am sooo not cooking (we need groceries) and DH needs to study for a really important licensing exam tomorrow.

We should have those results by tomorrow and my blood test results should be in today and absolutely no later than tomorrow, so we should know by the end of the week what the final plan is. Clomid is my best guess. I just pray DH's swimmers are strong. Then the problem is not his, you know? I'd feel so bad for him if he was a factor.