I threw a baby shower yesterday

I worked on this shower for six months. Its for SIL who is due next month after nearly 4 years TTC. There were decorating stations (onesies/bibs, blocks, well wishes/advice, headbands and picture frames). I played a slideshow of my SILs baby pics and that was a hit. All in all it was a good time. I wish I could be an event coordinator...party planning is a major outlet for me.

CD 1

No test today. Af showed up. Femara will be used this cycle so we'll see what happens.

Now more Claire pics:

I never thought I'd see the day

I'm 30 and I now have a craft room. Its bare bones but I just did it tonight. Why have a guest room if we've never had a guest?

SIL is having a baby (it took them 4 years and Clomid) and I'm throwing the shower. That's the stuff on the table.

The sewing machine is brand new - my mom got me one for Christmas. I ruined hers 20 years ago trying to make Jean shorts so I hope nothing happens to this one.

On the TTC front I'm 11 or 12 dpo and testing like an idiot. I just hope DH gets this job he's up for because they cover IVF.

Now for Claire pics:

Back in the saddle

Claire's 14 months now, I'm working again and DH has two jobs. We have decided to TTC again so here we are. Today was my surge and its CD 17. Plenty of bd-ing so we're on our way. Will it happen on our own? Doubtful. But all those old memories are flooding back. The fears, doubts, obsessions...I weaned my baby girl 2 1/2 months ago and kind of just got my body back. But I want it to make more babies.

We're not likely to start treatment again soon because our insurance has changed and provides zero coverage for IF. So until DH gets a new job we're on our own. Good thing I have leftover repronex and femara. That's 2 medicated cycles if we really want to go there.

That's all for now. It'll be a long 2WW but never as long as the four years it took to have our miracle.

I am...

A breast-feeding, baby food making, cloth diapering, stay-at-home mom.

I lost my job at the end of March. No I don't want to talk about it. Yes I do want to brag about my amazing baby girl and how my dreams are realized every day with all that I get to do.

DH got a second job right after I got shit-canned so we're surviving for now. I'm looking for a new job but this economy sucks.

Before I had Claire I wanted to breast feed. I wanted to make my baby her own food. I wanted to use cloth diapers and I wanted to be a stay at home mom. If I had to lose my job to do all those things, then dammit it was the best thing, right?

First, a picture:

Six months old. Holy crap!

What else - oh yeah I was diagnosed with PPD in March. I was pretty crazy. Not harm my baby crazy but definitely wanted to maim my husband. Also my milk production took a huge dive and I kind of just realized that I was totally miserable except with my baby girl. So I started taking Zoloft and what do you know, I'm a happy person now! Kind of muted my crazy, I suppose.

Oh and I gained 50 pounds while pregnant. I have lost all of it and then some. So hard to believe because I've been a little overweight for years thanks to infertility, but now that weight's all gone too. I'm back down to my wedding weight, which was pretty nice. The only thing I can't lose is my little pooch where Claire was for 9+ months. I suppose working out would help. I'd like to credit breastfeeding for every bit of my weight loss. Oh and chores and lifting Claire. That might help too.

She is going in for her 6 month check up this Friday but I'll bet she's almost 30 inches and weighs over 17 pounds. Tall and lean. That's my kid. She has abs. Did I mention that before?

She can sit up mostly unassisted. She loves to be assisted while standing. She spazzes out in her jumperoo and wheels around mostly backwards in her walker.

We moved her into her own room a week and a half ago and its going well. I waited till six months (and when I was ready) and she's loving it. I think she sleeps better.

She's in 9 month clothing and growing fast. A great eater and loves to feed herself. She grabs the spoon and sticks it in her own mouth. All business about food, this one.

She has her mama's blue eyes with a little of her daddy's hazel in the middle. Her hair is super spiky and seems to be darkening to a light brown.

Claire smiles all the time, gives big sloppy kisses and hugs. She's not talking in sentences but mostly gibberish with some ba's and ga's. I love her to pieces and can definitely say she's the best thing I ever did.

Three Months Old

My baby is three months old. She started sleeping through the night on Christmas Even and then she got her 2 month shots and that screwed her up for a week or so. Otherwise she's a dream. I'm so lucky I can't begin to describe it. She is a perfect breastfeeder. I broke down a month or so ago and got the Medela Pump n Go. I had to. The other pump wasn't good, lets just say that. It was worth the expense, Medela really is the best.

I'll post some pictures for you soon. Thank you all for your support and interest in my life - we hope to have babies again someday but we are still infertile and know it. I haven't accepted that Claire is our only child forever but I keep that possiblity in the back of my mind. Also, I have terrible infertile guilt. All the time. About everything. Having a baby, spending every second with her that I can and never ever being upset about how difficult it is to go without sleep. I'm happy every minute I'm with her but feel terrible that my sister had a miscarriage (looks like it was a blighted ovum) and my sister-in-law and her husband have been trying for 2 years and can't get pregnant. At the same time I'm here for them as a survivor and have been able to provide some support.

I only can hope we somehow get pregnant naturally someday, by some miracle. My bad eggs, his minimal sperm. I guess we'll see. If Claire was the lone surviving embryo, maybe we can pull off another miracle?

Its New Years Eve...Shhh

We're going to bed. Claire fell asleep.
It's 10 pm. Best. New Years ever.

Happy New Years...

Oh wait. She's up.


It's nearly midnight now. She's puked, pooped, fed, and repeated several times. I think she wants to wait till the new year to go to sleep.


Still the best new years ever. I hope everyone who is still waiting gets their wish in 2012. I really do.

Over and out, still trying to get our overtired little girl to bed.

Quick Christmas Post

I'm posting from my phone, had to get this down "on paper". Claire has slept 7 straight hours without eating or anything. How have I used this time? Pumping (oh the engorgement), washing and sterilizing and waiting for her to wake up. I've been up the last 2 hours doing that. She's really stirring now, just had to post this milestone.

2 month appt stats:

12 lbs 7oz (75th percentile)
40.4 cm head circumfrence (75th percentile)
24 inches long (90th percentile)

Completely healthy little girl. She coos a lot and smiles all the time. She eats 3-4 oz of pumped milk at daycare and nurses from me when at home. I love Breastfeeding and I'm so lucky its easy for us.

Back to bed now. It's 615 and I've been up 3 hours, pumped twice and fed a sleepy little girl. Yawn...best Christmas morning ever.

Claire's Birth Story

Since Claire will be a month old this Saturday, I should really get this birth story out before I forget it. Luckily for me she's napping in her swing (first time ever!) and its bought me a ton of time today. However, I had better make this quick:

We went in for the biophysical profile ultrasound on Tuesday, October 18th to measure her fluid levels and see how she was doing. The tech immediately said, "Well, the baby's breech." to which I responded, "Shut up!!!"  Thus the C-section was scheduled for the next day at 1:30 pm. I went to the lab right away to do a hemoglobin check (yay blood draw) and give a pee sample.

I slept pretty well that night and we had taken the opportunity to prepare our things and ourselves for the next day which we knew would change our lives forever.

Wednesday morning I was up around 8 a.m. and took my time getting ready. We then took pictures in the nursery to commerate the end of the pregnancy and the importance of the big day.

Upon arriving at the hospital at 11:30 a.m. I realized I had to pee really badly (hmm, 41+ weeks pregnant, ya think I had to pee a lot?) so DH checked me in. After filling out the paperwork I was given the option to either walk or take a wheelchair up to the room. With huge feet/cankles, a sore back, massive belly and overall just being exhausted, I took the chair.

We got to the room and were impressed with the big bathroom and the nice TV. When we'd taken the tour during the summer, the TVs in the rooms were really old, so the flat-screen was exciting. Apparently it didn't take much to make us happy at that point. I got undressed and put on the hospital gown in the bathroom, gave my pee sample. My nurse, Carol, was really nice and answered all of my questions because as usual, I needed to know everything that was going on. I hadn't eaten or had anything to drink since Midnight so I was parched! DH didn't eat breakfast or anything so I made a stink about him grabbing a snack before the surgery since we both knew he wouldn't have a chance to eat for some time afterwards. Carol went and got him a diet coke, some oreos and graham crackers. He took the opportunity to eat it slowly in front of me. Torture!

I got into the bed and then I got my blood drawn after having my I.V. put in. Yes I was a little bit of a baby about the I.V. and asked for Lidocaine with it. I made it through IVF and multiple daily shots for months but wasn't jumping in with the I.V. DH wasn't surprised and held my other hand while it was put in. It really wasn't that bad but I think it was because of the Lidocaine.

Then the anesthesiologist came in and went over the spinal epidural procedure, asked questions and had me sign some papers. My doctor came in and was wearing his alligator cowboy boots under his scrubs. Crazy guy, love him. He was pumped for the procedure and definitely kept me relaxed. We were ahead of schedule but then, around 1:00 p.m. we were told that the pediatrician that was supposed to be in the O.R. during my C-Section, had to take a kid to X-ray so we were then suddenly behind schedule. But things got back on track and around 1:30 I was being walked into the operating room. DH got to wear scrubs:

I got into the O.R. while DH waited in the waiting room with my parents. My mom had shown up during my prep in the room to say hi and good luck. As I walked through the doors to the operating room, there were so many people and I couldn't help but say, "Is this all for me?"  The nurses were very kind and my nurse, Carol, was there to help me through the spinal. I sat on the table and bent forward as much as I could. When the anesthetic went in I could feel it and I just said, "Ow ow ow ow..." till it was done. When he put in the actual spinal I kept saying ow even though it didn't hurt, I could feel it and a little pressure. It got me through and overall it wasn't terrible. The feeling of my legs getting warm and numb was pretty cool too. I was laid back on the bed and then they put in the catheter. I was more worried about the catheter than the spinal. I must be crazy, right?

Once the room was all set up they had DH come in. Things went really quickly from there. I remember the docs talking about the person who'd set a bunch of exotic animals free and they'd had to be killed. I asked them to stop talking about that (I'm an animal lover and besides, it was quite the buzzkill at the time). Then I was asked if I wanted to hear any specific music. Had I known that was an option we would have brought in a playlist on our mp3 player. So we listened to whatever was playing on the radio.

Next thing I know they're telling me that Dr. B had made the incision. I asked them not to tell me anymore details, just when she was out and if she was okay. I said to Dr. B how amazing it was to be at this point after all we'd been through. He agreed that we were due our happy ending.

Dh held my hand and I could see the reflection of the procedure in the lights above so I asked to have the blue sheet pulled back a little to block the view. I was pretty grossed out by it all. DH, however, decided to watch the entire operation! I was told I'd feel a lot of pressure and boy did I! It was hard to breathe between the pulling/pushing and the spinal.

Finally I heard them say she was out and yes, she was a girl! I began completely bawling and waited to hear her cry. But she never really did. Then I started freaking out and sobbing to DH, "Why isn't she crying!?!? What is wrong?!!" He said she was fine, her eyes were open and she was waving her arms all around. He told me to look to my right and I did. They had her on the warmer and were checking her out. I could only see her little hands and her head but it was all I needed . Then I heard a little cry. She was just a quiet baby, that was all. I later asked for her APGAR scores: 8 and then 9. Excellent, right?

They brought her over to me and I couldn't believe this was MY baby. My little girl that had been inside me, moving and punching me. Poor thing was breech too so her head was a bit lopsided but that's all straightened out now.

Then they took her to the nursery to be cleaned up more and have tests done. DH went with her and then I just laid there on the table getting stiched up. The anesthesiologist gave me something to "relax" so I just stared at the ceiling grinning like a big idiot. I was a mom.

And the song playing when Claire was born?

"The Lazy Song" by Bruno Mars. Gotta love it.

Nothing was scary or complicated. I consider myself extremely blessed overall.

Day 23

First, some quick pics from Claire's arrival:

41w2d - We're Going To the Hospital!

Last moments before the C-Section.

Here she comes!!! (I was quite emotional at this point)

She's here!!!

Here we are on day 2 - I'm wearing my "gownie" and
a little makeup, I usually looked terrible!

We're in our third week now. Claire did great at her 3-week appointment. Up to 9 lbs 8 oz and measuring 21 3/4 inches long. She'd lost 10% of her weight in the hospital so we had to supplement with formula for 24 hours but in a re-weigh the day after we were discharged, she'd gained enough to quit the formula. I've been breastfeeding her since day one and I love it! I have to start pumping a lot now so there's a reserve for when I go back to work. We need to get her used to the bottle. It'll also allow DH to take some nighttime feeding shifts so I can sleep. I average maybe 5 hours of sleep every 24 hours, if I'm lucky.

I love every second of my diaper-filled, spit-up on, unkempt, exhausted, hungry life.

I need to write a post on how I feel guilty every time I am tired or my nipples hurt, or when Claire goes through 5 diapers in an hour or if I don't feel thrilled every second of every day since it took everything we had to get her.

We are so lucky and I hate that I have to go back to work soon! I love being a mommy.

Day 2

Still trying to upload pics. Claire is doing amazingly well. All she wants is my boob now, regardless of the fact that I only have colostrum at this point. I adore her to pieces!
In devastating news, my (step) sister lost her baby at 9 weeks today.

I'll hug my baby a little tighter tonite, knowing how truly blessed I am.

I'm A Mommy!

Claire Elise O. was born at 1:53 pm on 10/19/2011. 8 lbs 5 oz and 20 inches long. Lots of brown hair and amazingly breastfeeds like a champ. C-section went fine, birth story and pics to come. Just wanted to post a quick update.

41 weeks - Eviction Notice

I went for my biophysical profile today and after being told for 5 weeks that she was head down, I found out she is most definitely BREECH!

Also her fluid level is getting low, so my scheduled c-section is tomorrow at 1:30 pm. No wonder I haven't gone into labor!

How do you sleep the night before your life changes forever?

40 weeks 5 days

Still no baby, but I had a non-stress test this morning. I'd been having dizzy spells and my BP at the pharmacy last night was 144/69 so I got worried. I called, they had me come in, and I got to 'relax' in a recliner while strapped in with monitors. Our kiddo aced it!! My BP was back down to 118/? but normal. So unless I spontaneously go into labor in the next three days, I get an ultrasound next Tuesday. DH predicts she's 10 pounds already. I guess we'll find out soon enough.

Can I be blamed for wanting her to come out? I just want to hold my baby. She is so squirmy in my belly, I wonder if she will be like that once she's born?

Overdue

No dilation at Mondays appointment. I was told she was engaged though. As I type this she's rolling around like crazy! Feels like she's trying to claw her way out too.

I have a biophysical profile with my 41-week appointment next Tuesday which is an ultrasound, so at least I'll get to see my baby for the first time since 20 weeks.

Being overdue is torture, but I'm thankful I get to have a full-term baby. I know there are many who haven't.

Also I'm positive she's dropped. Her butt used to be right under my ribs, now its just above or at my belly button. Now she can come out! Argh.

40 Weeks

Based on my retrieval date, I am 40 weeks pregnant today. The baby has always measured ahead on ultrasounds, but the tape measure puts her right on track every time. Now I'm freaking out bc I'm afraid her placenta will stop working. My 40 week appt ia this afternoon so we will discuss our options. She hasn't dropped, my cervix is hard, closed and posterior. I guess this means c-section? I'm waffling as to whether I want to go into labor naturally I'd get her out here while I know she's okay. I can't control everything, but I sure can try! Question: when should I get a non-stress test? HMOs suck.

Pregnancy Announcements Still Hurt

My step-sister, the bridezilla, remember her? She's making the calls to announce she's approximately 5 weeks pregnant. They weren't even really trying. She got off birth control in April. I'm having a hard time being super-excited for her. What is wrong with me? My miracle baby is squirming inside me right now. I'm going to be a mom in the next two weeks. But I'm jealous of my step-sister getting knocked up without trying? Then she dares announce it this early? That makes me even more upset. Infertility has really messed with my psyche. ALSO BLOGGER SUCKS. I'VE BEEN TRYING TO POST FROM MY PHONE AND IT WON'T WORK. SO IF YOU'RE NOT HEARING FROM ME, BLAME BLOGGER'S MOBILE SUCKINESS.

37 weeks

Still pregnant. Everything I said is do anything for is happening, swollen ankles, heartburn, insomnia...when people ask how I'm feeling I can't complain. Truly. Got checked yesterday, not dialated, locked up tight. I'm so ready to meet our daughter! I was weaned off the heparin at 31 weeks so its been awesome to feel like a "normal" pregnant woman. Well, off to pee. Again.

Second Trimester in Pictures; I'm Back After A Break

1. Still pregnant.
2. I'm now in the third trimester
3. Glucose test tomorrow
4. I needed to take a break from blogging for a while.


Belly Pics:

20w5d

21w5d

22w5d





23w5d





24w5d





25w6d





26w6d





27w6d





Picture of Father's Day/V-Day Cake:



Col.dsto.ne Cream.ery Cookies 'n Cream cake. Our first and it was delicious!



The nursery is not done yet, we need to wash the bedding, put the trim back up on the window, buy a new window shade and hang up that and the valance, put up the decals and then get the light dimmer installed. Other than the floor trim and dimmer, the rest will get done in the next week!

The armoire/wardrobe to the right of the door;
the room does not have a built-in closet.

We got a new La-Z-boy recliner for the nursery
instead of a glider. I have the pink knitted blanket
over the armrest that my grandmother made for me.
We should get a new lamp; the desk lamp works
for now. We also will buy a clock/cd player/radio.

The lighting is terrible, sorry. Changing table to the left, dresser to the right.
A friend gave me a gift last Friday of three books for the baby, her first!
I have them displayed on the dresser. The wall behind the dresser, chair and
changing table is gray. The rest of the walls are pink.

Here is the crib; nothing like some we saw, but
it is brand new with the nursery furniture set and
is convertable. Notice the pink? A color I swore
we'd never use. Sigh. I insisted on the pink/gray
walls too!

Crib picture to show the bumper; its very cute.
Also there will be a decal saying of "Dream until
Your Dreams Come True" above the crib on
the wall. Fitting, no?

Here is her wardrobe with some of her clothing
collection that I keep on adding to with the
help of my mother. The size dividers have been
ordered and should arrive tomorrow.

All in all, I think that so far I've had a pretty normal pregnancy aside from the twice-daily injections and vitamin supplements. I had to move the heparin injections down to my thighs which has been quite painful and is resulting in a lot of bruising.

I scheduled my maternity photos for August 25th after work.

Finally, could I be more blessed to be having three baby showers? My mom and step-sisters are throwing one at Mom's house on August 20th for my side of the family and some friends. DH's sister, SIL, soon-to-be SIL, and his mom are throwing one for his sides of the family and some friends on July 30th at my MIL's house and my co-workers are having one for me on September 14th at work over the lunch hour. Its like having three Christmases and I'm sure I'll cry at each and every one.

The baby was a violent kicker, mover and shaker up until the past week when its more regular with sleep time and then play time. Sometimes when she's been quite for too long I jiggle my belly a little or rub it and she'll wake up and give me a "pity" tap or kick. I just like to know everything's alright.

We're in the middle of a massive heat wave here in Iowa so I've been staying indoors, hydrated and relaxed. My feet hurt constantly, mostly the ankles and outside ridges so DH has been generously rubbing them. He also sent me 50 roses yesterday in a large bouquet. They were on sale for $6/dozen so I bugged him for a week to send me a dozen roses. I like how he went "above and beyond". I spent my lunch hour making them into arrangements with the vases I had in my office. You like?



I've not had any further ultrasounds but I'll be trying to talk them into at least one more before the baby's due/born in October.

I've gained maybe 9 pounds. I'm sure I'll put on a lot more in the next 2 1/2 months. At least 20 lbs which is nuts. I don't eat a ton because I get full really fast but I think I'm eating pretty healthy, considering I'm still feeling picky and icky about certain foods that were ruined for me thanks to morning sickness.

We got a dishwasher which I love and have been needing for years. It makes ours a happier home. It also ate up a lot of our money. Things are very tight, but we'll be okay.

All in all, I'm happy every time this little girl moves even in the slightest and while I can't wait to meet her, I'm enjoying every ounce of this pregnancy. I actually fell asleep counting her kicks last night.

Thank you all for being patient and supportive while I have been absent. I will continue to keep you posted. No pun intended. :)