8w2d

I'm still here, and until proven otherwise I'm still pregnant. Note to self: if I take a Zofran at 6:30 am, drink ice cold water, then eat a bowl of cereal at 7:15 am before leaving and finally chew mint gum in the car ride to work, I will feel pretty decent and only slightly nauseous for the next hour or so.

Perhaps I'll try that again tomorrow to see if there's a pattern. However as I've felt pretty okay the past hour and a half, it worries me as the extreme nausea has been comforting to me as an affirmation of this pregnancy.

I will be calling Dr. B's office for an ultrasound tomorrow morning to check on things. I'm thinking of calling today to give them a day to squeeze me in as a courtesy (as I have to "lie" and say I'm spotting and cramping though none of that has happened thus far). Sigh.

I'm scared to go because of the possibility that something's wrong. I have had all kinds of miscarriages. Chemical. Sudden (with an SCH). Ectopic. Blighted Ovum. I haven't had a missed miscarriage yet. I'd like to avoid that but I really don't have any of control over the situation.

I have had many positive comments from ladies I follow and some that I don't (ICLW is pretty neat, I will admit), and the support has been so wonderful. I really am just trying to make it day by day.

I pulled out the ultrasound pictures from Pregnancy #2 on Sunday and examined the 7w3d and 8w3d (last u/s of the baby alive) pictures to see how big the baby was so I'm prepared for this week's look. For tomorrow's ultrasound, based on previous measurements, the baby should be 8w3d. Gotta love the irony I guess. What I have realized is that the 8w3d ultrasound was done the day before the sudden loss. Thus, on Friday March 27th, 2009 I technically lost the baby at 8w4d based on its measurements even though the doctors put me at 9 weeks. This Thursday is projected to be 8w4d.  Sunday is 9 weeks. All I can think about is making it to next Monday, March 7th. That would mean that this pregnancy beat all my other pregnancies.

After that, my goal is to make it to 12 weeks - the projected date?

Sunday, March 27th.

Why do we connect dates so much when we're trying to conceive and then miscarrying, and then pregnant again? I know I'm not the only one who's been through this. But honestly - that date, March 27th. It was the absolute worst day of my entire life. Nothing has come close. And I hope more than anything that this year on that date, I reach 12 weeks of pregnancy.