I am...

A breast-feeding, baby food making, cloth diapering, stay-at-home mom.

I lost my job at the end of March. No I don't want to talk about it. Yes I do want to brag about my amazing baby girl and how my dreams are realized every day with all that I get to do.

DH got a second job right after I got shit-canned so we're surviving for now. I'm looking for a new job but this economy sucks.

Before I had Claire I wanted to breast feed. I wanted to make my baby her own food. I wanted to use cloth diapers and I wanted to be a stay at home mom. If I had to lose my job to do all those things, then dammit it was the best thing, right?

First, a picture:

Six months old. Holy crap!

What else - oh yeah I was diagnosed with PPD in March. I was pretty crazy. Not harm my baby crazy but definitely wanted to maim my husband. Also my milk production took a huge dive and I kind of just realized that I was totally miserable except with my baby girl. So I started taking Zoloft and what do you know, I'm a happy person now! Kind of muted my crazy, I suppose.

Oh and I gained 50 pounds while pregnant. I have lost all of it and then some. So hard to believe because I've been a little overweight for years thanks to infertility, but now that weight's all gone too. I'm back down to my wedding weight, which was pretty nice. The only thing I can't lose is my little pooch where Claire was for 9+ months. I suppose working out would help. I'd like to credit breastfeeding for every bit of my weight loss. Oh and chores and lifting Claire. That might help too.

She is going in for her 6 month check up this Friday but I'll bet she's almost 30 inches and weighs over 17 pounds. Tall and lean. That's my kid. She has abs. Did I mention that before?

She can sit up mostly unassisted. She loves to be assisted while standing. She spazzes out in her jumperoo and wheels around mostly backwards in her walker.

We moved her into her own room a week and a half ago and its going well. I waited till six months (and when I was ready) and she's loving it. I think she sleeps better.

She's in 9 month clothing and growing fast. A great eater and loves to feed herself. She grabs the spoon and sticks it in her own mouth. All business about food, this one.

She has her mama's blue eyes with a little of her daddy's hazel in the middle. Her hair is super spiky and seems to be darkening to a light brown.

Claire smiles all the time, gives big sloppy kisses and hugs. She's not talking in sentences but mostly gibberish with some ba's and ga's. I love her to pieces and can definitely say she's the best thing I ever did.

Three Months Old

My baby is three months old. She started sleeping through the night on Christmas Even and then she got her 2 month shots and that screwed her up for a week or so. Otherwise she's a dream. I'm so lucky I can't begin to describe it. She is a perfect breastfeeder. I broke down a month or so ago and got the Medela Pump n Go. I had to. The other pump wasn't good, lets just say that. It was worth the expense, Medela really is the best.

I'll post some pictures for you soon. Thank you all for your support and interest in my life - we hope to have babies again someday but we are still infertile and know it. I haven't accepted that Claire is our only child forever but I keep that possiblity in the back of my mind. Also, I have terrible infertile guilt. All the time. About everything. Having a baby, spending every second with her that I can and never ever being upset about how difficult it is to go without sleep. I'm happy every minute I'm with her but feel terrible that my sister had a miscarriage (looks like it was a blighted ovum) and my sister-in-law and her husband have been trying for 2 years and can't get pregnant. At the same time I'm here for them as a survivor and have been able to provide some support.

I only can hope we somehow get pregnant naturally someday, by some miracle. My bad eggs, his minimal sperm. I guess we'll see. If Claire was the lone surviving embryo, maybe we can pull off another miracle?