14w3d

I wish I could better convey my continued shock and awe that I am still pregnant. Imagine raised eyebrows, a half smile and jaw dropped. Every.single.day. I wake up (well, during one of my several nighttime pee awakenings) and smile at how amazing it is to be in this place. A place I've longed for and dreamed about. A place snatched away from me too soon four other times. I have no complaints. I am simply thankful for all of this.

Updates (mostly pregnancy stuff  so scroll down if you don't want to read about that):

*Mother sent me an email apologizing and hoping that our relationship wasn't over. She took this whole thing a bit far, in my opinion. I emailed her back saying I'm over the whole thing, our relationship is fine and I that I loved her. I haven't heard back yet but the ball is in her court. Gotta love my crazy mom.

*After receiving PETA's response last week, I emailed back requesting they make a donation to RESOLVE in honor of NIAW. I haven't heard back and doubt that I will. I'm sure they're figuring we should be happy they took down the NIAW references on their website. Whatever. I still agree with their work, just not that ridiculous contest.

*Morning sickness started to wane a bit after the 13 week point. I hadn't thrown up since 9 1/2 weeks, however this Monday proved that the baby is in fact, in charge. I lost all the dinner I'd forced down and ended up going home early from work yesterday because I just couldn't function. I feel better today so I suppose the roller coaster of pregnancy continues. I don't complain when I puke, and afterwards I use the doppler to bring a big smile back when I hear that fast-paced heartbeat.

*I only wear maternity work pants now and have ordered some maternity clothes from Wal.mart. None of my spring/summer clothes fit me even though I've lost so much weight. I don't go into public on weekends because of my lack of clothes so I'm hoping my order arrives by Friday. My pre-existing pooch is steadily been pushed outwards, making me look flabby still. I'm hoping for something a bit rounder in the next couple of weeks. I've wanted a belly for so long, I can barely contain my excitement when I think about how soon it is that I'll have an official bump!

___________________________________________________________________________
Finally, I wanted to note this for those of you interested in television getting IF stuff right. After recently catching up on all the past seasons of Gre.y's Anat.omy, I decided to watch Private Practice. Guilty pleasure, I know. So I watched the third disc of Season 1 last night, thanks to Netf.lix. Here is the rundown of what happened in an IF case which made me yell at the screen:

-35-ish aged couple comes in after TTC for 2 months and they want testing done.
-Same-day (regardless of where she is in her cycle) the RE and Addison (Board-certified neonatal surgeon, ob/gyn) do an LH and FSH draw on the wife and a semen analysis on the husband.
-Results are in within a couple of hours; couple stayed at the clinic to wait I guess. Wife's numbers are good and she's about to ovulate, also she has some fibroids (no u/s was mentioned earlier) that are not a problem now but could be later on. They should hurry to concieve as she's "old".
-Husband has no viable sperm in his sample. He is told he is sterile. Husband decides wife should immediately pick a donor for an IUI, same-day. He wants her to have kids, doesn't want to adopt.
-Wife can't pick a donor. The next day, husband brings in his arsehole brother to be the father/uncle. Couple decides to do IUI, that day, with brother's sperm. Just before RE pushes in the swimmers, couple says "No!" and decides not to go that route because the brother is an arsehole/jerk.
-Addison (neonatal surgeon, ob/gyn) and Naomi (RE) try to figure out how to get this couple pregnant. Decide to recommend TESE. This is day 2 of diagnosis by the way. Couple is happy, decides to go this route.
-Wife in one bed, husband in another. They do the TESE as he's awake, showing the procedure on a screen. Wife in next bed is ready to have her egg (though Addison says eggs) removed in case they are able to find any swimmers. SAME DAY PEOPLE. The couple must have fantastic insurance. Also there was no embryologist in the room, anesthesiologist, etc. Addison and Naomi do the TESE and find just one swimmer.
-ICSI is performed (are you kidding me?!) immediately and mitosis is quickly shown on the screen.
-TRANSFER IS DONE IMMEDIATELY. Patient sent home, who asks if it's too soon to feel pregnant.

Gag me. Please. I screamed at the screen out loud and silently. I was so mad that people were given the impression that this is all actually possible on a whim! Argh.

Oh and I watched more "Pregnant in Heels" last night. The only IF stuff was Rosie telling her husband that the clinic called and that he had to give his sample, that day. She apologized for forgetting to pick up the p.orn. DH saw that and laughed. Then Rosie said she should have made her husband a video. Then DH looked at me like, "why didn't you make me videos?". Sigh. Otherwise the pregnant ladies were awful. Again. Well, the one who wanted a gay assistant to help her with her busy life of planning her own parties in days was terrible. But the other one who didn't want to have sex with her husband and him saying she should "force herself to have sex with him" was so interesting since DH bugs me all the time and I am so not interested. Rosie did a good job showing the husband why his wife didn't want to be intimate. Oh and the sex couple? They met in Gemology School. They make jewelry. Huh.

Emailed PETA, Got A Response - Do We Win?

I sent this email yesterday to PETA; I wanted to do something other than sign the petition and bitch on my blog:

From: coberbro@gmail.com
Sent: Thursday, April 07, 2011 12:08 PM
To: Ingrid Newkirk
Subject: NIAW "honor" is offensive


Ms. Newkirk:


As an infertile, I'm appalled at PETA's insensitivity of the vasectomy contest currently offered in "honor" of National Infertility Awareness Week.


Would you offer a free mastectomy in honor of Breast Cancer?
Would you offer free beer in honor of Mothers Against Drunk Driving?

Would you offer a free skin bleaching in honor of Black History Month?


Please end this offensive campaign. It is tarnishing PETA's reputation and hurting millions of people in the process.


Thank you.

Christa O.
Iowa

Here is the response I received moments ago:


From: Zoe Rappoport

Date: Fri, Apr 8, 2011 at 1:21 PM
Subject: Re: NIAW "honor" is offensive
To: "coberbro@gmail.com"

Dear Christa,

Thank you for contacting PETA about your objections to our contest offering a free vasectomy; please allow me to respond for Ingrid. We are sorry to have offended you, and we have removed the phrase “in honor of National Infertility Awareness Week” from our website. We understand that this was not a wise choice of words.


Our goal was to focus attention on the tragic suffering and death of homeless dogs and cats. Since the best way to prevent animal companions from having unwanted litters is to spay and neuter them, a kind PETA member offered to cover the cost of a vasectomy for one compassionate man who wants to get himself “snipped” just like his furry friend.

To learn more about our efforts to address the animal overpopulation crisis, please visit http://www.PETA.org/issues/companion-animals/spay-neuter.aspx. Thank you again for contacting us and for the opportunity to share our thoughts.


Sincerely,
Zoe Rappoport
Correspondent
PETA Foundation


So they took down the NIAW stuff. Do we get an apology? A donation to RESOLVE? I guess we'll see. At least they took it down.

Thoughts?

Weighing in on PETA; Bravo's "Pregnant In Heels"; Mother Update

Two posts in one week. Do I get a gold star on my chart? This shall be less pregnancy, more IF-related today. I actually wrote this post in my head this morning. Sigh. Now I have to actually type it. When will we have the technology to write things with our minds?


PETA:
To preface, I'm a huge animal lover. I can't even watch a movie or show where an animal is hurt or tortured, real or fake. I have been a big supporter of PETA since I heard of the organization when I was a kid. If you haven't heard about the hot issue right now, just go to PETA's website. You'll be appalled if you're an infertile (whether you have a baby in your arms, are pregnant or are still battling). I have put up a link on the right side of my blog if you'd like to sign the petition. Feel free to read the comments people have left on that site regarding PETA's massively offensive campaign. It's funny too because PETA has no problem attacking anyone for being offensive but when they're in the crosshairs of infertiles, nothing hits the newswaves and no changes are made to what they've done. I'm sure if they offended breast cancer victims/survivors it'd be front page news. But nooooo. Infertiles don't qualify for equal treatment and clearly are being ignored. Hopefully if we keep screaming, something will be done.

Bravo's "Pregnant In Heels":
This show is about a woman named Rosie Pope who is a self-proclaimed "Maternity Concierge" to wealthy New York women. She has a fashion line of maternity clothing, bags, etc. and does house calls to cater to whatever her clients want. Google her - but if you can afford her clothes and services I don't know what you're doing in the blogosphere for infertiles because you much have better things to do with your time. ;)

I watched this show because right now I'm addicted to all shows about pregnancy. I have avoided them like the plague for 3 years and I feel like I'm catching up. I HATED this show for the first 20 minutes or so. But like the trainwreck I saw it for, I continued to torture myself and watch .

Then it happened. I saw Rosie use a Follistim pen and she began talking about her infertility, heart-shaped uterus and IVF. My jaw dropped, then I called DH in the room to tell him. He didn't care but I felt like I had to tell someone because when infertility/IVF is on TV I get really excited. DH and I have been semi-open about our struggles with certain people (a huge step for us) - we have to be careful because of the huge Catholic population here and some/most that we know or are related to oppose in-vitro because of their religion and we don't want to deal with their opinions or possible negative treatment of our child.

But to get back on track, I think I'll continue to watch this show. I found out the results of her IVF cycle. I won't share it here but if you want to know (for whatever reason) let me know or check it out online.

Mother:
...is psychotic and blamed me and my step-sister for her big announcement at the shower. No apology received for it at all. She got really mean, verbally attacked me for all kinds of issues unrelated to the one topic I went there to discuss, and blew up at me while throwing her predictable tantrum as she stomped out of the room. As we went to leave, DH and I quietly chuckled to ourselves (we're used to my mom's "crazy"), and my dad gave me a hug before going to deal with her aftermath. So I guess now we're not on speaking terms but I'm really glad I told her how I felt. It's been about 10 years since I did that and now that I'm not a teenager under her roof that she can push around, she didn't like it and responded exactly how I figured she would. We shall see how this plays out. Gotta love momma drama. If you've ever watched "Samantha Who?" from ABC then you'll remember her mother. That's my mom, in a nutshell, but crazier.

A Work Announcement, A Shower, My Mother and 13+ Weeks

First off, some good stuff. I've never completed one of these things but they seem to give a good run-down of how things are progressing. If you want to know about this pregnancy, read on. If not and you want to read about how my weekend went and how my mother is on my shit list, scroll down*.


How far along: 13 weeks, 2 days
Total weight gain/loss: -10 lbs since BFP

Maternity clothes: Completely maternity on bottom, mixing it up on the top. I bought some sweet work maternity pants at Younkers last Friday and they are like sweats! I might wear them forever.
Sleep: Can't get enough of it, especially since I wake up every 2 hours to pee. I can't stay awake past 9:30 pm.

Best moment of the week: Listening to our baby's heartbeat on the Doppler (I do this every other evening). Seeing the smile on DH's face makes my heart melt every time. Oh and having my last PIO shot on Sunday night!

Food cravings/aversions: Mexican food is my favorite; I'm hating chicken (unless its in a taco, quesadilla or chimichunga) and a whole bunch of other foods. I swore I wouldn't drink pop and haven't since Christmas Day but last week I discovered that if I sip on some caffeine-free diet Dr. Pepper or Pepsi, it makes my nausea all but disappear. The main reason for anti-pop attitude is the Phenylalanine in it. Guess what? There was Phenylalanine in the Zofran my doctor gave me! Um, I'll enjoy the pop, thankyouverymuch. It doesn't make me super constipated (TMI). So I'm rationing the pop to when I absolutely feel awful.

Belly button in or out: In, but get this - I've had a "deep" belly button my whole life. Now I can see the end of it and so can DH. The whole shape of it has changed. With all the weight loss, I can't tell if it's the baby belly or not. Even at my skinniest my belly button was a "cavern", according to DH.
Stretch marks: Just the beauties I've had for years.
What I miss: Absolutely nothing; I'm beyond grateful and humbled that I'm actually in my 13th week.

What I am looking forward to: Currently I'm excited for the 20-week ultrasound appointment just to see how huge the baby will be. Also I can't wait till my pudgy burgeoning baby belly becomes more rounded in the next few weeks.
Weekly wisdom: I was told by a co-worker that I am being selfish for not wanting to find out the baby's gender because it makes gift-buying very difficult for friends and family. Nice.....
 
 
*Let's go down the list of how my weekend went:
 
 
Friday - I announced the pregnancy at work. At my law firm, the tradition is that the person making an announcement goes to a local favorite shop called Donut Boy and buys 2-3 dozen donuts, puts them in the break room and sends out an email announcing their news. Typically there are two types of announcements: babies and engagements. Friday was also April Fool's Day. I would NEVER joke about a pregnancy announcement, so that wasn't the catalyst.  My belly and obvious morning sickness was getting a lot of attention last week so I figured Friday was the day to spill the beans. Everyone was very congratulatory and most of the women said they "just knew".
 
I felt like such an impostor, like I didn't deserve to be getting all that attention. I really didn't want it anyways, its not my style. After all these years watching other women have pregnancies and announcements and listening to all the women gab about it, I couldn't believe it was happening to me. I still can't. Overall its very strange.
 
Saturday - My sister's bridal shower. I was not in charge (I usually am 100% in charge), so it was pretty much a disaster. She seemed to have a fun time though, so whatever.
 
Here's the stunner for the day though. In addition to the groom's family and the bride's friends, the matriarchs of my side of the family showed up, consisting of two aunts and Grandma. My mother asked me if she could tell our side of the family about the baby. I said no because it was my sister's special day and if the family asked me I would tell them privately.  I swear to g.od five seconds later she asks me to come over to where they were sitting for "just a second". I had been checking in guests, making name tags and pretty much trying to keep the bride out of the room so it could finish being set up (disaster, I tell you). I go over, thinking that they need a drink or something, and this is what comes out of my mother's mouth: "Attention everyone! I have an announcement to make! She's going to be so mad at me, but Christa's pregnant!!!!!!". To the whole room. All I could do was, through teary eyes, put a finger to my lips and say "Shh, it's Rachel's day so please don't say anything, but thanks for the congrats."
 
And I walked away.  My family was half-excited, half-horrified at what my mother had done. I don't even need to explain to any of you why I'm so upset. I'm sure you can figure it out.
 
Tonight I will be meeting with my mother, my dad and my husband to basically lambast my mother for what she did and let her know that her behavior (not just on Saturday, she's been just awful for months) and constant comments to me that seem to dismiss our infertility struggle to get to this point are unacceptable and it all needs to stop. She will likely respond like a "Real Housewife of Whatever County" and flip the table while running to her room to throw a tantrum, slamming the door on her way. That is how she behaves when confronted, which is why it's been 10 years since I've done it.
 
Wish me luck.  
 
 
Sunday - I sat on my butt all day watching TV and relaxing after having slept in till 11 a.m. and I even answered our front door in my robe and sweats with ratty hair at 2:30 pm. It was a perfect day.

11 1/2 Weeks.....Just Bobbing Along

No, I didn't go to the doctor this week...yet. My "12 Week" appointment is this Friday afternoon, but they're basing that schedule off of my ultrasounds which have put me 2-3 days ahead repeatedly. I'm still "turning over" the weeks on Sundays. It's just easier till I have some more reassurance that all is going to be fine, i.e. 2nd Trimester.

The appointment this Friday will include a doppler check and a pelvic exam/pap smear. *Chuckle*.....nope. I'll be refusing the pelvic exam. The dildo-cam is all that's allowed 'round those parts for now. I just had my pap smear in November 2010 so I won't need that till either later in the pregnancy (not getting cocky, just planning ahead as needed) or after giving birth (is that actually going to happen?). The pelvic is really just to do the pap so as it is unnecessary - this has been confirmed by an OB nurse too so I'm not just being rebellious - I would feel more comfortable having the doppler check.

Since I have a tipped uterus, they likely won't find the heartbeat with the doppler yet, so I was promised that if that doesn't happen I will get a quick ultrasound. Neener neener HMO.

I still feel sick but it's more tolerable these days. I continue to want to feel sick as a reassurance that all is okay, at least until I can find the heartbeat with my doppler at home (I may have tried, it didn't work, don't judge me). Food in general is extremely difficult to eat as most food grosses me out. I'm now on an old person's diet of jello, yogurt and fruit. Nom nom nom. I'm sure I'll find all of that gross before the end of the week. Just for the record. My belly, while only in the 11th week, is getting a bit pokey. In that I mean the part under my belly button is starting to be protruding a bit more. I'd push on it to see what I felt but it's totally bruised and tender from the Heparin injections. I also feel what I'd call "growth" in my pelvic area. It's difficult to describe but it's not cramps, just different.

Home life is good. Our bathroom remodel is done and I'm enjoying it immensely, especially the shower. Bella was front-declawed and spayed a week and a half ago and seems to have healed completely. Her suture removal is this Saturday and I'm not looking forward to it. As cute as pink stitches are, why couldn't they have been dissolvable?

Dr. S said I should taper off of the PIO so I re-explained the plan to DH last night to finish out this week with daily shots and then go every other day for a week and then we're done. He got so pissy and said we weren't doing PIO for 13 weeks. I explained that we'd already discussed this and he was fine with it last week or so, and that it's not up to him. He's being quite an ass these days - mostly because of basketball on TV, and all of his fun plans to golf and watch baseball this summer. Things are tense most of the time as I don't feel well and he feels inconvenienced by me. I just don't get it. We would have given anything to be in this situation (pregnant) and I feel like he's taking it for granted. Sorry I don't plan on having sex during pregnancy, dear. Sorry I don't plan on golfing anytime soon, dear. Sorry I don't feel like traveling 7 hours to visit your brothers in Indiana and then turn around 36 hours later to sit in the car for another 7 hours, dear. Didn't mean to ruin your life.

Welcome to my marriage. Ugh. Some days are better than others though. I just have nobody IRL to vent to. Probably shouldn't anyways, marriage is supposed to be private I guess.....as I blog this for the world.

I just want to get past this next weekend. Past the days that were the pinnacle of suffering in my life. For some reason, I believe that if I can make it past that infamous (to me) date, everything will be okay.

Life Feels Like A Bunch Of Constant "Countdowns" These Days

2 days. 21 hours. 58 minutes. That's how long (right now) I have to wait till our first ultrasound. I've passed Milestone #1 and on Saturday will have reached Milestone #2. Its all I can seem to think about. We're basically convinced we're having twins - way to put the big fat cart in front of the horse, right? See, we can't see us affording IVF again after even one baby, so I guess selfishly we're hoping for twins so we can complete our family. I can't possibly be the only infertile whose thought this way though, right?

I have to let you all know that I stumbled across this blog today: I Want To Be A Daddy, written by Alec. He recently started the blog and is taking us through their journey one step at a time and I find his writing so helpful as it gives the husband's perspective of an infertile life with losses and heartbreak. I highly recommend you take a look!


In other news, I received my prize from LisaB's giveaway she had on her blog The Pursuit of Pregnancy!

As soon as I saw the package in my mailbox I knew that was it so I tore it open and spent the rest of the night pouring over it - lots of info, for sure. I even showed DH some pictures and while he was pretty grossed out, this whole IF experience has made the female reproductive system much less of an "ick-factor" for him to look at. Thanks for the book, Lisa!

In work news, I've been working on trial prep for case and it's gotten pretty intense. Basically we hate the opposing attorney and she's making everything we do a hassle and a headache. I can't wait till the judge hears about it and throws the book at her. Small-town Iowa, you'd think that we wouldn't have to deal with the schenanigans of big-city lawyers, but apparently we do.

Overall I'm just trying to make it through each day, worried all the time that something bad will happen. Will we have a sudden miscarriage like pregnancy #2? A blighted ovum (or two?) like pregnancy #4? DH wants me to switch to suppositories because he hates giving me the shots (it takes me a 1/2 hour to get myself psyched up for the PIO every night, it's sad) and said he will be begging Dr. S to have me switch over to suppositories as soon as possible.

I don't feel comfortable quitting the shots that early though because I feel like its working and it cancels out a possible progesterone issue if I'm getting so much now. My levels haven't even been tested and I don't want to worry about anything happening if I go off them too soon. Dr. S will give us his advice and I trust him. But I'm scared not to do PIO till at least 8 weeks. Can anyone give me some advice?

Finally I want to send a shout out to all you supporters out there leaving me comments, thoughts and overall encouragement. It makes me feel really good to know there are people out there rooting for us. So thank you again! Soon I will be able to blog about things other than pregnancy, I'm just on edge because of four prior losses. I'm sure you can understand and sadly, some of you can relate.

6dp3dt

Not much to talk about today. I can say I have had an attitude adjustment and am quite positive about this cycle.

Last night's PIO shot was so much better. DH moved up the circles on my butt (drawn by Nurse Jackie after the retrieval) so the injections wouldn't hurt so much. No tears, no screaming, nothing. Just total relaxation and I took it like a grown-up.

The heparin shots are causing quite a bit of bruising and I'm wondering if my belly looks worse now or when I was stimming? Also the red biohazard bin is getting full and I've been using a mason jar with a lid for my Heparin needles so we need to get those emptied out.

Last night DH and I went out to dinner at a local fancy restaurant. I guess the economy is hitting them hard because when we went there for our anniversary dinner in 2009 our meal cost nearly $100. Last night we paid $35.00 and that included a 22% tip! We got a full appetizer, two entrees (Prime Rib and garlic potatoes) and a dessert. I only took a picture of the cake because the presentation was so pretty. My camera phone blows by the way:



Anyways, all is well here and I'm excited to say that I am mailing some socks to Bridget today who is having her retrieval tomorrow. I'm sure they'll arrive before her transfer, but thanks for the socks shout out! Really, I just went on ebay and looked for "cute socks" under $2.00 and found tons from China and Hong Kong for less than a dollar a pair with free shipping, and I ordered them a couple of months before starting IVF because it sometimes takes 2-5 weeks for the socks to arrive from international shippers. Just a tip for the future if anyone wants to check those out.



Stimming Continues....Just Treading Water ***E2 Update

I've had the last 20+ hours to keep my attitude in check and push myself to be optimistic. It's not over yet.

I trolled all things Dr. Google and IVF boards regarding E2 levels after about 3 1/2 days of stimming and honestly, I think mine was pretty darn okay. I started at 5.0 pg/ml and in three 1/2 days it was 11x what I started with and the internetz say that it should be either 100+ pg/ml or 2x the day 3 level. Well I think I'm an overachiever then, so there.

After the lovely draining (where Dr. S "opened me up" with a metal speculum - fun - and then used a big syringe and a tube like a tomkat and went into the uterus and sucked out the fluid in there, then used water and flushed it out while guiding it all with Wandy. Let me tell you, I've been through much worse.) yesterday, I had some decent spotting that was all kinds of colors and did a doozy on my delicates. Dammit. So by today it's basically gone and I have to shove TP up there to find anything. So because I'm a rebel I'm afraid to scold my uterus to behave and produce a better lining because I'm sure it'll rebel too and then we're going to hell in a handbasket pretty damn fast.

I had my Estradiol drawn about an hour ago and figured out why Sunday's results weren't faxed - my lovely infertility department here put in the order with the fax number having eight digits. If you're paying attention, a fax number should only have SEVEN DIGITS. God-forbid the lab calls the IF department yesterday morning to clarify so the results sat. They're calling this morning to get the right fax number and will fax them before noon. Nuh uh, I don't buy it. I'll be calling Dr. B's office to get my results so I can call Nurse Jackie and she'll have them before the end of the day TODAY. I'm dealing with MORONS here people! (That last line was in the voice if Gilbert Gottfried, just for clarification).

So here are my goals for the next 24 hours:

1. Get my estradiol results and have them be over 100. I'm hoping more like 200 because it's been 48 hours since my last test and they should be steadily increasing with the Follistim bump-up.

2. Make it to St. Louis tonight without any incidents with the car vs. weather battle we're in for. We were planning on leaving super-early tomorrow morning for the 10am appointment but with this storm, we're thinking of driving there after work, getting in late but having plenty of sleep for the drive home tomorrow instead of being exhausted and likely cranky.

3. Have the ultrasound be a successful one with more than 12 follicles and a great lining with no fluid issues.

Three simple goals, right? Guess how much I can control? Not a damn thing. Well, unless I'm driving tonight then all I can do is my best. :)

Here are those pictures I promised:

Here are the socks I wore for my monitoring appt - they make a smily face when you put them together. I'm wearing a different pair for each appointment so I'll take pictures and post them. They're all brand-new socks I got on ebay (from China or something) for like a dollar each so I'm hoping they're somewhat of a good-luck charm! The socks for the retrival and transfer are adorable - I can't wait to show you!

Here's a picture I took while DH and I were waiting for the ultrasound:

And a picture of a wall hangy sign that we both loved because we're crazy cat people:

How about some freakin' awesome candles for a buck? Sold:

I found my dream baking dish for the lasagna

I love to make but mine always spills out and over the dish I have.

That will happen no more. Bam.

Also, we have black and white checkered flooring in the kitchen.

Um, how do I not buy this for ten dollars?

We bought two of these little thingies, one for us and one for DH's parents.

Each of my cats HAD to inspect this item. So I will show you pictures of them doing so:

Bella

Please ignore the bad nail polish - I'll take it off tonight, I promise.

I've apparently been too busy to spend 2 minutes scrubbing it off.



Jack



Milo - he kept nose-bumping it so by the time I took the picture he was
turning around for another go at it.



And this is a deviled egg platter (something I've wanted since college) 

made of all recycled materials.

Five bucks. Also sold:



We bought this sign for DH's parents, to give to them someday.

They're so helpful and supportive so I know it sounds awful that

we didn't get one for my parents, but that's a long story.

And my mother drives me nuts.

How cute is the "tire swing"? It's on a piece of rope. Bella tried to chew on it.
You can see her front paws at the top of the picture.
It was a difficult photo shoot because they all wanted to be models.

These are melty wax thingies I put in my melter (I try not to
use candles because the cats like flames. Idiots)

The Pineapple Upside Down Biscuits one smells amazing!
I'm saving the Summer Rain for a day when I clean the house,
because it reminds me of a summer rain. No lie.

And finally, for your viewing pleasure, Bella and Milo playing a game called,

"I'm Not Touching You...Rawr!"

Hi.

I'm not touching you...

Rawr!!!

Thanks again for all your support too, it helped me to take some deep breaths, remember that its still early. And that while I'm trying to control everything, I cant.

************************************************************************

I called the local office to get my result and make sure it was faxed to FP in St. Louis today. Yes and yes. And so that I can sleep tonight, I asked what the Estradiol level was from this morning. The result?

204.0 pg/ml!!!!!

I wish there was a calculator for this like a beta calculator because I'm ecstatic! From 58.0 pg/ml to 204.0 pg/ml in 48 hours!?!? That has to be great, right? I figure I'll be stimming longer than 9 days but oh well. I called to get my Follistim refilled and I'm waiting to hear back from Schrafts/Walgreens because they have to call my insurance company for an override and, in even better news, they can't ship from NJ because of the "massive storm" heading their way so they'll try to ship from Texas so I get the meds before Thursday night. Why? Because I'll run out by Thursday morning. Gotta love cutting it close.

Okay...onto the ultrasound tomorrow morning. I'm crossing my fingers extra tight for no fluid and plenty of follicles!!!!!



Stimming Day 2 - Still Truckin' Along

So I've noticed a side effect of the Follistim.

I feel like I've been doing abdominal crunches. However, I have not done a crunch in a few years and I'm pretty sure my "abs" are hidden under some "padding". I am happy that I am feeling something while stimming so far. I'm sure I'm in for some more fun but at least I know the meds are properly being administered because my body is responding somehow...

DH and I have booked our hotel room for Sunday night and are excited for Monday's appointment - I got the addresses for TJ Maxx and Gordmann's (to plug into the Garmin) so we can shop when we get there. I haven't been to at TJ Maxx since I was a kid and I've always wanted to go to Gordmann's. Besides, we've been to Marshall's enough times that I figure he'll want to look for that elusive pair of sweats he's been searching for as if they're the freaking holy grail. He is picky about sweats, people. They must be comfortable. They must be long. And they must be inexpensive. Now I love a shopping challenge, but he's on his own for this one. It'll also keep him occupied while I'm looking at other stuff.

Who needs professional therapy? I have retail therapy - with a very small budget, mind you - and retail therapy is much more affordable.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, some random pictures that make me smile:



This was Bella last week.
I wanted to use my new crock pot but she had other ideas.



I think I want this ski mask.
At the same time, I think I'll freak a lot of people out while shoveling snow.
 I can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing.



Bridesmaid dresses FAIL.

Speaking of bridesmaid dresses, my step-sister's wedding is Easter weekend this year. First of all, some of the Catholics in my family (and my in-laws) are appalled she would pick this weekend for her wedding and keep saying that "the church won't marry them, you know."  Yeah. She and her fiance aren't Catholic, so that works out for them I guess. But that's the weekend DH's parents and sister/her husband, DH and I drive to Indiana to visit DH's brothers and kids. So that sucks and his parents aren't too happy about that. Sorry.

But I have to pay the remainder of the bill for my bridesmaids dress tomorrow. I don't like the dress. It's strapless, black, and knee-length. Oh well. I know some of my bridesmaids (consisting of my 3 step-sisters, DH's sister and my BFF) didn't like the dress I picked out for them so fair's fair. I just PRAY I'm 4+ months pregnant at that point and can wear that thing with a cute baby bump. Otherwise I'll just look fat - at least I ordered it one size bigger than I was in August. So here is a tribute to ugly bridesmaid dresses! I'll keep it short. But I like funny pictures, don't you?

Wouldn't you want your face blurred out?

I'll bet these looked dyno-mite! under the disco ball.



The tanorexia girl makes the dress look better - or is it just me?



Sorry but you can't "make it work" with that. Any of that. Day-um!
(Also, I can't tell if they're chicks or dudes. Can you?)

 

Enjoy your Friday ladies and I wanna make a special shout-out to those cycling right now - IVF rocks, right?!?!?

Fist pump if you're with me!



Baseline Went Well + IF On TV Rant

First off, thank you all so much for your continued support! It really helps me to stay positive and calm during this whole IVF thing.

I can say that St. Louis is at least 20 degrees warmer than Eastern Iowa and I miss the warmer temperatures, no snow, and general spring-iness compared to my current location of dreary winterville.

The baseline appointment went well. I think I got my first Antral Follicle Count, done by the actual RE which was super-cool, and the total count was around 22 or 24. He couldn't tell if it was 11 or 13 on the right ovary  and at least 11 on the left ovary. The lining was "paper thin" so he was very happy with that. I'm having my E2 and LH drawn at lunchtime today (no time before work to do it) and they should have the results before close of business.

Also, with such a "high" AFC, he is lowering my Follistim dosage from 150 IU at 7am and 150 IU at 7pm to 150 IU at 7am and only 75 IU at 7pm. He said he doesn't want to "blow me out of the water" and that we can always increase the dosages next Monday if the ultrasound shows that its necessary. Honestly, when I did Femara/Clomid and Repronex over 8 days for our IUI cycles, I always had a front-runner by that 8th day of what I called "mini stims". I figure with all they've done to set me up for this stimming period, any combination of Follistim and Repronex (to be started 2 days after the Follistim) should show pretty good growth by Monday by which I'll have stimmed 4.5 days already.

So as long as my E2 and LH levels look good today, we'll continue as normal. The drive down (4 hrs 45 min) and the drive back (5 hours) weren't too bad. DH and I are getting along pretty well yet. We tend to bicker when we spend too much time together, so I'll be trying really hard to carefully pick only the necessary battles so as to keep the peace.

As for my rant, if you watch How I Met Your Mother, and you didn't watch last night's episode, then don't read any further as there are plenty of spoilers. But I want to get out how DH and I felt about the episode:

Cheers: To CBS and the HIMYM writers for bringing infertility to Prime Time television. Marshall and Lily have been trying to have a baby for several months and no luck other than a false positive, so they went to Lily's OB/GYN who recommended they go to a Reproductive Endocrinologist. I was thrilled that they actually said on the air what an RE is and the process, albeit quite a shortcut, to seeing one. There were laughs abound as the RE was Barney's "doppelganger". Once that got straightened out, Lily was tested and when she got the results, seemingly within a day or so, she was told she is "extremely fertile", leading Marshall to suspect that he is in fact the problem. At this point, DH and I were cheering for Marshall to have sperm issues like DH. He was actually getting really excited that this might be shown on TV. So the RE tells Marshall to "give a sample" (this made us laugh), so Marshall goes to the special room with the nudie magazines, etc. There was a bit with images of other men popping up in the room saying they'd been in there and done the same thing just minutes prior. He couldn't do it so he went home to produce the sample (within an hour as the clinic was closing), where his parents had arrived for a surprise visit. We laughed, and actually continued to cheer for Marshall's possible male-factor diagnosis. It was nice to see the scene where Marshall told his parents that they were having problems getting pregnant and how his folks said they love them and if they want to be parents then great, and if they need to adopt or use donor-anything, then it didn't matter to them. We appreciated that scene because we have had more than one conversation with both sets of parents about our issues and they've both been supportive.

Here is where I Jeer:

Jeers: to CBS and HIMYM writers for taking the easy route and not following through. We thought it unreasonable to make people think that if you want to see an RE you'll get in immediately if you're under 35 and have been trying for 6 months. They didn't show how you'll see a nurse first and they'll have all the tests run and tons of paperwork filled out. Whatever. Anyways Marshall got his semen analysis results pretty quickly and was told his sperm are fine, blah blah blah. We did get faked out at first with Barney disguising himself as the RE and telling Marshall he'll likely never father children. Yeah. We cheered for that diagnosis. Are we sick people? So Marshall and the gang, sans Lily, go to the bar and celebrate with champagne for his fertility. The entire episode had numbers in each scene, starting at 50 and going down. The last scene, the numbers began to count down to "1", where Marshall and Lily met up outside the bar and he shared his great news of how fertile he is. She in turn told him his dad had a heart attack and had passed away.

We were both so sad to see that Marshall's dad died as he was Marshall's best friend, other than Lily. So that's going to be a sad story line for awhile. However we felt so gypped as an infertile couple, hoping that the world would get a true glimpse as to what an infertile goes through but with hopefully a funny spin on it. Just so we could feel more connected to a show that we already love, I suppose. We couldn't get over how they pulled the rug out from everyone like that. We woke up this morning saying we were still upset about the whole thing.

Perhaps we need to stop watching TV. We use it as an escape from all of "this". I guess we'll have to deal. But still. CBS could have done even better in my opinion. When the episode was over, I said, "That's it! I'm blogging about this tomorrow!".  And I did. It feels better to get it all out.

Over a TV sit-com. But it feels better.

You Can Close The Book On 2010, but Life Will Go On

Updates First -

Lupron Day 7:  No more bee stings. Nurse Jackie said to make sure the alcohol has dried before injecting. So I did that, kept the needle in for 5 seconds after pushing in the Lupron, took extra time this morning which resulted in no bee sting. However, I'm sure it'll bruise since I saw a little blood at the injection site. Still less painful than Repronex.

Lupron Bleed:  ohmygawsh this is a nasty "period". Cramps on steroids, I ruined my freaking sheets last night (sorry, TMI), I ran out of pads and had to buy some at 7am this morning on the way to work (yes we are working today which blows). I am not taking any Aleve or anything for the pain as it's still less painful than all of my miscarriages so I figure I can tough it out. Still though, AF is a raging beyotch right now.

Too early in the morning for buying pads -
the checkout lady gave me a strange look.
I looked at myself in the mirror in the car and realized my makeup
was all smudgy b/c my coughing made me tear up...man I'm a mess.

Sick:  Did I mention I'm sick? My sore throat keeps me up at night (I try to swallow to calm my burning throat but I'm out of spit so I choke and wake up...classy, right?), I am now coughing and my voice is fading. Luckily, for now, I don't have the typical congestion that comes with a cold. I'm sure it'll show up later at a less convenient time. And no, I'm not taking anything for this either. I'm on too many meds as it is.


As for my 2010 wrap-up, I have though about how I want to address this task. I think I'll jot down some positives and negatives to the year, then what I hope for 2011 to bring. I'll keep it short.

Positives:
Got pregnant.
Refinanced the house.
My marriage got stronger.
We found (and kept) a baby kitty.
We got a new/used SUV.
I changed my hair color.
I dressed better, less tomboy-ish.
We found an RE that we love.
DH and I got new jobs that are way better than the old ones we had.
We went to a RESOLVE conference.
We went to Arkansas.
We went to Minneapolis (twice).
We saw Idina Menzel in concert!
We got a blu-ray player, finally.
I've been committed to this blog, good times and bad.
I made so many bloggie friends this year that I wouldn't trade for anything. Honestly you ladies keep me sane and hopeful so thank you so very much.

Now to acknowledge the things that didn't go so well for us in 2010:
Miscarried baby #4.
Gained 10 lbs (I'm thinking the BCPs had something to do with that, at least a little).
Stopped talking to the last of my remaining IRL friends due to my IF and her being a Fertile Ho (thanks ~C~ for the term!)
I got laid off.
I had another lap surgery and was diagnosed with Endo.
Also diagnosed with Ovarian Dysfunction (I call it ovarian rebellion, personally).


Hm. That list is shorter than I thought it'd be. Maybe because I've been feeling so positive about this IVF cycle, I've stopped being such a Negative Nelly?

Well that's it. I've had four pregnancies. I've dealt with all of them. I'm making progress. I've stopped promising myself that "by this time next year" I'd be pregnant or have a baby. I'm living day by day and that's good for me. DH and I have been together 8 years now, married 3. Our marriage is so incredibly strong, and I'm thankful for that.

I'm done with this year. 2009 was much worse, so I'm glad I was able to survive this one without suffering too much damage.

Here's to next year and all the hope it brings! Cheers!

Three Things, One Is Really Important

1. I got the bee sting again this morning. No reponse from Nurse Jackie but I figure I'm poking myself too close to my belly button. I'll go a little more south from now on.

2. I am now sick. I have a nasty sore throat and it feels like it's swollen. I had this many years ago and I'm not happy about it. I'll likely go to Acute Care after work for a rapid strep test. Anyone ever on meds during IVF? Not IVF meds, but sick meds?

3. Please please please go over to Jen's blog at Maybe If You Just Relax and show some support. She gave birth to her FET twins last night, Evelyn and Ainsley. Evelyn was the bigger twin but passed away last night. Ainsley was the smaller twin and is "holding her own" at Children's Hospital. Please keep her and her family in your thoughts.

That is all. Happy Thursday.

Tick Tock - Random Stuff - Anything Else Gonna Happen?

Three topics for this post - I'll try to keep them short:


1. Less than 48 hours till I stick myself with a needle and inject 20 units of Lupron into my non-abs. In a parallel way, millions, nay, billions of children are also counting down the hours in anticipation of Christmas Day and the gift opening that will occur. It's nice to look forward to Christmas morning again. It's been a long time. Nurse Jackie told me I could prep all of my injections ahead of time and stick them in the fridge so that I don't have to mess around with them at 7:00 am every day. Thoughts on this? It doesn't seem too hard to draw up some Lupron, wipe a spot, stick myself, and throw away the needle in my cool red biohazard container. Has anyone pre-prepared their Lupron injections?

2. I watched the season finale of sixteen and pregn.ant this week. You know it took me till probably this past spring to be able to watch any of that stuff, tee.n m.om, etc. Now I'm practically addicted to it. Call me Captain Masochist. While I sit and judge the fertile kiddos, I rub salt in my wounds of jealousy. Sick, no? But the season finale has affected me so I decided to follow that young lady's blog (one she's had since she found out she was pregnant way back in May or June of 2009. It'll be on my blog roll if you want to check it out. I won't say how it's affected me, just that I want to see what happens in her life.

3. And finally, I'm starting to feel a bit paranoid. I know of the theory that bad things come in "threes". Last week: financial hiccup. Sunday: dryer quits. Other than my cat(s) insistence on peeing everywhere and once in awhile we find a pile of puke in the house....we're looking for the third "bad" thing to happen so we can get it over with. I don't want a cycle cancellation or bfn to bet the third thing, you know? I bruised my knee last Saturday night...I wonder if that'll count? DH scraped his finger last night at Walmart. On some cardboard. Yeah, what a lawsuit waiting to happen. *chuckle*. He acted like his finger was going to fall off. He has a cold and acts like he's gonna die. Any of these qualify? I keep looking over my dang shoulder. I had a dream/nightmare last night that our Traverse got totaled. I hope that doesn't happen. I better drive safely over the next week while DH is off (school break).

Sigh.

43 hours and 34 minutes.

Monday...Payment Day...4 Weeks To Retrieval

I know, right? 4 weeks to ER? 4 1/2 to ET? DH and I are getting sooooo excited! We are continuing to stay positive that this IVF will work because any negativity makes us hesitate to do this and we can't hesitate any  more. This is it!!! :)

So here was our weekend:

Saturday morning - the spotting turned red. Not rusty, not dark red, but red. The time had come to start the double-dose of BCPs. I now take them in the a.m. with food and in the p.m. with food. I alerted Nurse Jackie as well. Hopefully this spotting will stop now. The cramps have been pretty painful though. The kind that kind of buckle your knees and make you gasp. Yeah. That much fun, people.

Saturday - DH's mom's side Xmas at a local hotel. There are way too many people (and kids) to have Xmas at his grandparents' house anymore. The event in a word? CHAOS. Those kids aren't parented very well sometimes and just wreak havoc wherever they go. Can't wait to be a parent to show them how its done. (man that sounded snobby and judgemental. but you should have seen it; they were destroying stuff at the hotel and no parents were even blinking at the misbehavior. they were too busy chatting with other adults and drinking beer.)

Saturday evening - my family's first ever "Sweet Swap". I made the cake balls. They were a hit! I forgot to take pictures. Sorry...we played "Scene It - Movie Edition 2."  DH and I were on a team and won 2 out of 3 games. I'm just pretty awesome at those kind of games. Don't ask me to do math under pressure though. I suck at that.

Sunday morning - tried to sleep in, unsuccessfully. Lounged around till 10 am. DH went downstairs to rotate laundry and lo and behold....the dryer that came with the house stopped working. Panic ensued, phone calls were made to parents for help on how to fix it. We determined the cost of repairs wouldn't be worth it so we decided to buy a new dryer. We have had issues with the washer too (also came with the house) so we ended up just buying a new set. Not at all what we'd wanted to do with our Sunday, much less with our money, but it'll all be okay. Our new set will arrive this Thursday.  Here are pictures of our new washer and dryer (Whirlpool Cabrio models):

The reviews are split, some love the models, some hate them. I guess they're super energy-savers with "h.e." technology and we'll have to re-learn how to do laundry, but still, not a bad deal and they're way bigger than what we've ever had. Plus we got the 5 year warranty that covers parts and repairs. Totally worth it.

Finally, we relaxed last night watching "Shrek Forever After" (okay in my opinion) and "How To Train Your Dragon". I fell asleep in the first 5 minutes of HTTYD and napped for about 45 minutes. I was so tired.

Otherwise, I start Lupron shots in less than 5 days! Whoo hoo!  Also today I'll be calling the clinic and making the GIANT payment over the phone. We can't wait to have that done so we're paid up and we know this is all going to happen.

And just for anyone who wants to know, I have orders for labs to be drawn 4 times during monitoring.

1/2/11 - E2 (estradiol) and LH (lutenizing hormone)
1/3/11 - Ultrasound
1/9/11 - E2
1/10/11 - Ultrasound
1/11/11 - E2
1/12/11 - Ultrasound
1/13/11 - E2 and P4 (progesterone)
1/14/11 - Ultrasound

They might add more but in the meantime this is the schedule we have been given. The days I get blood draws I'll do them in Iowa and then that night we'll leave for STL and by the time we arrive for our 8:45 am ultrasound appt, the blood test results will be reviewed and addressed as needed.

I start stims on 1/6/11. Can you believe it? 2 1/2 weeks till stims!

Its Thursday...Life Continues

A couple of things today ladies (and possibly hidden gentlemen that I'm unaware of...):

- Thank you for all of your support this week, it has been immensely helpful!  No hiccups with the clinic and we are making our IVF cycle payment on Monday...FINALLY. I can't wait to finalize all of this since Lupron injections begin in 8 days and 15 hours! Financially we are back on track, but I'm basically grounded from spending any money outside of bills right now. Trust me, it's 100% self-imposed. And deserved. No worries, I have a 4 lb bucket of Red Vines at home waiting for me for comfort. And a billion cake balls to make tonight and tomorrow. First-timer here. I'll try to take pictures tonight!

- An attorney I work with, who is a very nice older gentleman from NY (though I'm not sure that age or birthplace has anything to do with this) just said, "I don't know. That sounds a little queer to me."  I can't remember the last time I heard that word used in its proper context of, "odd or strange". How refreshing in this day and age of hatred and prejudice. I just thought I would share that with you.

Here is some TMI. You are welcome to skip below if you are not interested. It will not hurt my feelings:

- I have been on BCPs for exactly 4 weeks and 1 day now and only taking the active pills. I am technically on CD32 (I had to count those days up on the calendar to be sure) and my body is demanding that I have a period. I swear. The mood swings, the deep desire for all things sugary, salty and chocolatey (is that a word?). Also, the spotting and cramping kind of tipped me off. Nurse Jackie told me that if I begin bleeding and it is red, I'll need to double up on the pills by taking 1 in the morning and one at night, both with food. I take one at night right now with all of my other pills, just for the record. Sunday I was crampy. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I had pink/brown CM. Today I am SUPER crampy and have had the strangest stuff go on but I haven't had a full-on red bleeding session. It's like I'm in the middle of a raging AF based on my cramps, but at the same time the "output" is more like only the stuff I get at the beginning and the end of an AF: pink, rusty and brown. I have been keeping Nurse Jackie in the loop and find myself amazingly unashamed about emailing her about my CM color. Unreal. Am I so deep in this IF stuff that I'm okay with putting all of this in an email and sending it to a nurse? A woman who hardly knows me? Oh well. For this kind of money I'd tell just about anyone the details of what's coming out of my "muffin". Lol....Lady Gaga. Glee. Idina. Too funny. Her concert was great, but you had to be there. Lol...

Back on track, I guess I'll just deal with the cramps and the continued pantiliners. But have any of you ladies had breakthrough bleeding with the BCPs for IVF? Trust me I'm not panicking because I was given a plan for everything (right up my alley for my Type-A personality) it's just that I was hoping I wouldn't bleed at all. It reminds me so much of when I was pregnant and would constantly check the tp. So strange to be on BCPs and hoping I don't bleed when I did the same thing while pregnant. Sigh....





And for some fun, I thought I would continue with the laughs - here are some more random funnies that I've enjoyed lately:



I have been enjoying http://www.failbook.com/ for some time now and this was on it.

I know I'll sound old or something but...what is "Four Loko" Drunk?

I haven't been a drinker for 3 years so I'm a bit out of the loop.

Also I'm a novice at FB. And no I'm not FB Friends with my parents.

They barely know how to use their laptop.



I am SO glad they don't have these here.

Could you imagine the IFers being tempted by these during the 2WW? My goodness....



"I LOVE THE HOLIDAYS!!!"

Um...are the inflatable decorations weight down the house? It looks like its sinking.

"I LOVE THE HOLIDAYS MORE!!!!"

 



Aaaand where's the house? There's America for you. No wait.....HERE'S America for you:

I'm quite sure she is a "fertile". And is quite lazy. Or in a hurry?

I still don't know what to think about this one.

Other Shoe - Not A Dealbreaker

Well I thought things were going too well.

On the fertility clinic front, I received all the paperwork I'd been worried about. They are completely in line with what we were looking for and when we go for our first monitoring appointment on 1/3/11 we will sign them at the clinic. Next Monday we will be making the IVF Cycle payment. Unfortunately, the cost of embryo freezing was not something we'd budgeted for from the start. The remainder of the money we need will probably be available next week but most likely not until 12/31/10. Yup. New Year's Eve. The last day of the year to make a payment. I don't even know if they're going to be open that day. But it will probably come down to sending a check in the mail that week and post-dating it for 12/31/10. Not much else we can do I guess. We really don't want to put it on a credit card.

Here's the other shoe - other than this paperwork stuff, things had been going along just fine. Until last night. It came to our attention that I had made a major budgeting error for one of our checking accounts. Long story short, that's where our embryo cryopreservation funds are going right now instead of with the big payment to the clinic all at once. I'm not perfect. I do not have any addictions and I'm extremely proud of that. However I did not monitor that account properly and at the end of the day we have to move some money around to fix my screw up. I did not sleep at all last night and I was the phone with a couple of banks this morning fixing everything. This all was so avoidable. It's not the end of the world, it just puts us in a holding pattern for about 2 weeks. Sucks but we can and will get through it. This other shoe was a necessary wake-up call for me and it won't stop or prevent this IVF cycle from going through as planned.

Here's the thing:  if DH pulled this stunt, I would be up his butt in a flash and basically becoming super-bitch by coming down on him so hard.

How did DH react to my fcuk up? With hugs, a smile, telling me he was disappointed and that he doesn't want to have to take over all of the money and bills, etc. He told me it'll all be alright, that he knows I won't let this happen again, and that he's happy that I was 100% honest with him from the start instead of hiding it because other couples have problems and by hiding them it makes the marriage weaker.

I still can't figure out how I got so lucky to marry such a wonderful guy. Sure he's not perfect, but after last night I felt like I didn't even deserve someone who treats me so well when I push him so hard all the time. Perhaps the wake-up call wasn't just financial but emotional as well. I've got to stop nagging him and instead I need to focus on being a better wife. I think I've been a brat lately and been feeling so sorry for myself that I've taken too much out on him and probably made him feel unloved, unattractive and unworthy. I'm going to do so much to make that right.

In the meantime, I get to do zero shopping for myself and we have to severely budget for the next 2-3 weeks. Stupid, stupid Christa. When will you learn?

I leave you with how I've felt the last 21 hours:

Also I came across this one which was kind of strange...

And because I became distracted and tried to cheer myself up, I looked up "fertility fail" and found this which I've seen before but it still makes me shake my head:

I showed this to DH several weeks ago and all he could say was, "Man I wish THAT was our problem."