13dpiui/4w0d

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! You lovely ladies are so wonderful and your support has helped me so much! Nobody IRL knows but our doctor's office, us (of course), and possibly one friend b/c DH let it slip on Tuesday that this cycle might have worked. I don't have anyone else to blab to all day about it like I want to so the fact that I know you're all out there rooting for me/us is amazing. You all have seen how my RPL can be a problem so I know that if things start to go downhill, you will still be there. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Truly.

So, on with the fun stuff, I guess:

Yep - I put up the baby ticker. I had to. Here's why: I have wanted to do that so badly since last spring's loss and after the fall's ectopic that I swore that the second I got a BFP and reasonable beta, I would do it. If this goes down the crapper, then fine. But at least I got to have those days/weeks with the ticker and the happiness it has brought me.  I just hope that positive thinking will have a positive result!

Also, based on LMP, I am 4 weeks today. But, based on the IUI being 13 days ago, I'm probably more like 3w6d. But I don't care. The doctor will tell me to base it off my LMP and should things change, I will adjust the ticker (and my mindset) accordingly.

Symptoms:
Boobs are still sore - not just the nips but those are plenty sore as well. Not so much at night but it's been that way for each pregnancy. I think it's the laying down part that helps. I just did a touch test. Yep. Ouch.
Pulling/cramping feelings - because I got to feel them for about a month last spring for my 9 week pregnancy, I can really tell the difference between AF cramps and these cramps. Though they are a bit similar.
Nausea - I had milk with dinner last night. I kept sipping on it well into the evening. By 9pm I was trying not to puke.
Smell - just like the other pregnancies, my sense of smell has not diminished. My unfinished breakfast burrito from the gas station (I know, what was I thinking?) that is now in the trash is not making my tummy happy.

I am still POAS-ing like a mad woman, looking for any sign that they're getting lighter. Not yet but they're slowly getting darker. I have to keep reminding myself that it's ONLY 13dpiui. Beta #2 is tomorrow. I will know the results about 24 hours from now. I'm trying desperately to be productive but I'm pretty sure that I'll be distracted all.day.long.

I will keep you all posted will all good and bad news. I won't disappear this time like I did last year. I need this blog. It's like my best friend. And this way, the people in my life won't be annoyed with my constant obsessing! :) Besides, who else would get what I'm saying, how I'm feeling, what I'm going though. I'm surrounded by fertiles!

Beta #1 results

.....drumroll...........



25!!!


Betas for the ectopic:
13dpiui: 10
15dpiui: 33
17dpui: 56
19dpiui: 131

My levels are already double that of last year's 13dpiui and this beta is a day earlier!
I don't think it's multiples with only a 25 but I'll take it.

I am pregnant. Holy shit. It worked. I think the IVF appt next week may be a little awkward. lol. I want my ultrasound!!!

*I don't think we're anywhere near over the hump yet and we are taking this one day at a time. We aren't assuming anything and we will forever expect or not be surprised by the worst.

I already love this baby. I want this baby. I do not want anything bad to happen. I will be more assertive with the doctors and demand progesterone level checks weekly if necessary.

Heck - we were ready to spend upwards of $15k for a kid. Might as well spend some of it on excess ultrasounds and blood draws right?

Pregnancy #4 - How Long Will This Last?

I was awake at 4am. I stayed in bed till 5:30 because I peed at 3am. Sad, but the only reason I stayed in bed was because I wanted more concentrated pee. All I could think about was if this is ectopic again or if we're having twins, how to tell our families, etc.

So I peed on an "Answer" at 5:35 am and took a quick shower (progesterone is gross so I shower at night and in the morning. My skin is so dry!!). And when I got out, the test was positive and getting a bit darker. DH and I had discussed doing a digital today and I told him that if we do one, I want him to be there for it but I wasn't waiting till he woke up to do it.

Thus I woke him up at 5:50 am and asked if he still wanted to do that together or have me do it on my own. We agreed I'd leave the pee cup in the bathroom and bring in the active test. So I did. I set it on his night stand and turned on the light. I kept saying that it's early and it may still be negative...

"PREGNANT"

Yep! Finally! He was pretty happy - he got over being woken up. Neither of us slept well anyways so it didn't really matter. I doubt we'll sleep much at all till we get to see an ultrasound or something.

For now, according to FRER, EPT, The Dollar Tree and those crappy Russian cheapies: I'm Pregnant!

Okay I have to get ready for work but I just wanted to share this and some pictures:

Please excuse the scary no-makeup face and my undone hair. I had to do a digital bfp shot. I ALWAYS have.

Beta #1 is in about an hour - I'll post as soon as I get the results!

HPT Pics - BFP!!!

Here is the Dollar Tree test I took at lunch today:

But here's the beaut - above is this morning's test. Below is what I took at 5:45 pm this evening:

If you can't see how dark the second one is - then I just don't know what to say. It's amazing!!!

I'll be taking a digital tomorrow. If it isn't positive (its my last one dangit!) then I'll know the number is under 50 mlu and that it's still early. But if not, I'm thinking multiples! It's so soon!!!!

I.am.way.too.excited.

Holy Crap

I went to Taco Bell for lunch. Fresco tacos - highly recommended.

Went next door to dollar tree. Bought like, 8 tests. And a 6-pack of kiddie cups to pee in.

Drove back to office. Saw my mom (who works in the building across the street; another story, a hole 'nother time). Chatted. Hadn't peed since 6am, starting to feel the urge to piss pants.

Got into bathroom, peed in kiddie cup. Used dollar tree hpt. Prepared myself for squinting, seeing evap/indentation lines.

Instead, there are two very distinct pink lines. The one on the right is dark - control. The one on the left? Quite noticeable. The dollar tree test from Sunday was negative.

Oh my frigging geezus. I think I'm pregnant.


*UPDATE: I called Dr. B's office and got them to let me do a beta tomorrow. I know it's only 12dpiui, but then I'll get another one on Friday if tomorrow's is positive for pregnancy. And I guaranteed Nurse Sweet But Flighty (my favorite) that it WILL be positive!!!!!

Wha?

SHUT.THE.FRONT.DOOR. (as Stacy says on TLC's "What Not To Wear")

Um, the FRER was positive this morning. It has been 12 days since the trigger shot. Today is 11dpiui. Um, the trigger is ALWAYS gone by 12dpiui. Oh, and the FRERs don't typically get darker between 10dpiui/11dpt and 11dpiui/12dpt like the have in the past 2 days.  So....I am starting to think that I might not be a complete nutcase.

The digital was negative, but it's 11dpiui for friggins sake. But the FRER was a pronounced positive.

My boobs still hurt. Well, just the nips.

I woke DH up five minutes early and asked if he wanted the good news or the bad news. He wanted the bad news first - I told him that I think I need to buy more prenatals (I get the gummy ones, all the rest make me not want to take them. These are like candy, which I like very much). He then asked for the good news, and I showed him the test. After waking up some more and putting on his glasses, he said he could see the second line (which is rare when I typically shove negative tests in his face .

For some fertiles, this would be the jump up and down moment. For us, we discussed the possible beta schedule, what to do about golf league (I'm way too scared to do any physical activity in the 1st trimester), next Monday's IVF appt, etc. We don't get too excited in our house over a positive pregnancy test. Ha. We know better.

But - I know I thought last month worked but my ban on blue tests seems to have helped because all the FRERs are positive and getting darker. And, they aren't close to being expired. The 2 digitals from Ebay arrived last night. Also expired. Didn't work at all. I wasn't happy.  But the FRER was positive last night too so that made me just confused but hopeful.

So - am I? Am I not? We'll know more tomorrow at 12dpiui/13dpt. I am, however, starting to get a little excited. I was listening to Glee's "Like A Prayer" in the car and started tearing up at some of the lyrics. I'm a dork but I haven't cried in almost five months. I think the waterworks will really start if I get a positive digital and if we have an u/s next Monday if it's a legit baby...I will obviously keep you all posted.

Psst - estimated due date is December 31st, 2010 if this is real. If not, then my metabolism is the worst ever and I have no clue how I've lost a pound this week. I eat like a teenager.

10dpiui - Holding My Breath...

So I kept peeing on sticks over the weekend. Even 2 FRERs that expired last April. Of course they were both positive...lol. Now I'll never know if it was because of the trigger or the expiration!

But this morning's HPT (doesn't expire till July 2010) was faaaaiiiint positive. There was a clear second pink line though. I keep finding that my trigger isn't out till about 12 days after the shot. My metabolism sucks. At least I know now instead of getting all excited (again). If I still get a postitive tomorrow (12dphcg/11dpiui) then I will really get frigging excited. Like one of those little lap dogs that jumps on people who come though the door. Yep, that'll be me. Lucklily for me, I found a stash of HPTs in my medicine cabinet (it's pretty huge) that includes 6 Answer tests and 3 FRERs. I also have 2 digitals and then two more FRER digitals on the way from Ebay. At least I won't be spending tons of $ on the tests this month. I already bought them (and apparently forgot about 1/2 of them). lol.

As for symptoms? My bbs are getting quite sore. Every.single.month. I get a symptom though and I keep thinking it's from the (stupid) progesterone and then I can't remember how my bbs felt the month before. But I can definitely say the've been hurting since about yesterday.

Finally, for a "funny" story, on Saturday DH was outside weeding (not getting into that part) and I was on teh couch watching Bones on our laptop. All of a sudden I heard my cell phone ringing in the kitchen and it was DH's ringtone. So I ran to grab it thinking something terrible had happened to him outside (instead of just going outside)...oh wait, I had our/my cockatiel on my shoulder (that's another story some other time) so I couldn't go outside. Anyways, I was wearing my cute Sketchers slippers with zero traction and when my foot hit the hardwood floors from the carpeting I had been on, my feet flew out from under me and I slammed on the floor on my right side really hard. The bird started flying around the room screaming, I just laid there trying to figure out if I'd broken a hip or something and couldn't tell if I wanted to cry or not. I eventually got up and went outside after hobbling around, grabbing the bird and putting (shoving) him in his cage. I found DH and he said he accidentally called my phone, he'd meant to call his dad. I didn't think it was funny but he did and now I have a bruise on my hip/butt. It hurts but because the bruise isn't huge (see: In a League of Their Own; bruise scene) he just laughs at me. And I rarely fall. Hrumph.

That was the "highlight" of my weekend. I hope everyone out there had a good one! I'll post daily updates and if I get a BFP tomorrow or any day this week, I promise I'll only post pictures of FRER/Answer tests or Digitals. No more blue-line tests. The're bullcrap.

7dpiui

I'm obsessed with web trolling, looking for other people's symptoms, results, trying to find cycle buddies. I spent way too much time online this week.

Sigh.

I dripped my pee (from the dropper) onto a Dollar Tree test today. I haven't seen a positive one for a long time...I'm just waiting to see when the trigger is gone.

Yawn.

This 2ww is taking forever!!!!!

CD20/5dphcg/4dpiui...trying to pass the time

So. It's early in the two-week wait. I can no longer drink, consume caffiene, and all the pineapple is giving me canker sores. *chuckle* I also do not want to eat the core. Texturally, it's not appealing or easy for me to digest.

This morning, as I munch on my "Blueberry Muffin" flavored Pop Tarts, all I can think about is if this cycle worked. When I can test. When I would do betas. When we'd get an ultrasound. When we'd announce to our families. How we'd tell them (again). Then, if doubt creeps in my mind, I think about the IVF appointment and the fact that we're planning on doing the IVF in less than 3 months and so everything will be okay.

I have to make myself believe that this year (and now I'm thinking of years as in from March 27th to March 27th, instead of January 1st to December 31st, etc) will be it. I will be pregnant or have a baby by next year's anniversary. We are going to do it. We won't have any money but all we need is love, right? lol....

Started the progesterone supps last night. They suck balls. I feel like I'm in junior high b/c I have to wear a pad all the time. Well, mainly just at night. So then I just feel like a kid wearing nighttime pull-ups. TMI but I can feel them leaking so then I dream that I've started my period so I wake up, go check, and by then I'm awake at 2am. Then I realize I may as well put in another one for my 2x/day protocol. Then it starts all over again. Yeah, I do one around 9 or 10pm, then whenever I wake up to pee, between 2-5am.

No, it's not a 12 hour gap like I did when I was laid off and had the time to lay down for the damn things. Some ladies can pop one in and walk away while it all spills out into a pad. I cannot do that. They are not cheap and I'm terrified of the leakage being something I needed or the hypothetical baby needed.

Is anyone reading this any more of an expert than I'd like to be? Advice?

*Also - after working 11 hours yesterday, I went to get my hair did. The girl I usually go to at the salon was too booked up so I had another chick. She gave me Kelly Clarkson Hair. No lie. Dark with huge blond stripy chunks. I said I couldn't live with the hair like that. So, after she'd colored, washed, cut and dried it, she basically had to redo the color. I didn't get home till after 9pm. I.was.not.happy.  But she fixed it and I like it now. Though the "trim" was a bit too much and now I feel like I lost 2 inches. I'm desperately trying to grow it out - don't laugh - for Bella hair. Yep. I want it down to my chesticles and layered for loose curls. Probably no headband though. I am approaching 30. uh. 30.  Don't get me started on that one. It's not the age I'm afraid of, it's the no baby by then that terrifies me - that will mean 5 years. Okay - I'm done.  Till next time.....

IUI #7 Done - New Blog Layout/Template

Well. It's done. Dr. B wasn't available so Dr. E did the IUI, for the third time. I asked, first thing, what was the post-wash count? Now, this is our SEVENTH IUI. You'd think that the same staff we always have would remember or read the chart/file to remember that we started with crappy counts.

"It wasn't stellar. About 10 million per cc," says Dr. E.

Panic begins.

"Well, how many cc's?"

"Three."

"So the total count is at least 30 million?"

Here's where it got confusing. I got 30 out of this. They kept saying 10.

I said if the TOTAL COUNT was only 10 million, why should we waste our own money on an IUI if we're going to do IVF in three months anyway?

I quickly got them to clarify that it in fact WAS 30 million (they don't do a complete count) and it was on with the IUI. Speculum: painful. IUI: quick enough.

Wham bam thank you - you crazy infertile lady.

Dr. E: "Well, you'll want to take a pregnancy test in about 2 weeks."

Fricking Duh.

Me: "Oh yeah, I test out the trigger."

And no lie, this is what he said in response to that -

Dr. E: "Okay then you just tell me what you want to do, okay?"

Jerk. He said it all smart-assy. Nurse Nice But Flighty was there.

DH was sitting next to me while my hips were up for 20 minutes. He decided to look out the window.

DH: "Nurse Nice But Flighty is outside. Hmm"
Me: "Um, what time is it? How long have I been sitting here like this? Is she going to her car?"
DH: "It's five till 5pm. I'm not sure if she's going home but I wouldn't be surprised if she forgot about you......oh wait - she has a timer in her hand. Now she's hugging someone, weird, and I think she's coming back in."

Lo and behold, a few minutes later, and after I'd laid there for 30 minutes, she came in and said we could leave. Last month, Nurse Greasy Hair (there are 3 "infertility" nurses) was the IUI #6 nurse and when she put up my hips, she said we could leave when we wanted to, no timer for us.

Yeah. I can't wait to go to the IVF clinic. They have GOT to be better than this.

What a cluster. Oh well.


I worked today. Yes, Saturday. Six hours. Overtime paid at time and a half. I'll take it!

I start the progesterone tomorrow. Sigh. Here we go again!

CD 15 - Trigger Today

83 days left till "Eclipse" is released in theaters. Im' about 25% through re-reading Breaking Dawn. Sigh.

I'm sure you all want to know but we bd'd last night (we have a secret code: sex = pancakes; long story but if we're in public and need to have a conversation, we say pancakes instead. It's easier to say, "we're having pancakes tonight, right?" than the other option when you're trying to figure out the IUI sex schedule in public). So there should be about 30 million swimmers in there, waiting, biding their time. You know girl sperm live longer than boy sperm? lol....

So my sister, the ER nurse, will give me the trigger shot at lunch today. I took the Repronex last night (again!) but the prescription included 2 dosages so I'm not sure if they want me to use it tonight too or what? I'll call and find out.

I'm positive that the 16mm-er on the left is over 18 by now at the growth rate from the past few days, so we're good to go on 2 follicles. I read that some REs don't like the follicle to be over 20mm and others dont care as long as it's under 40mm. Strange. I don't have an RE (coverage doesn't allow it) so my ob/gyn "fertility specialist" says that low to mid 30's will have to do on this but they prefer anything over 17mm to 30mm.

Follow-up note from the other day: We watched "Couples Retreat", not "Couples Resort". I am a HUGE stickler for getting things right and to screw up a movie title is completely the opposite of me. So, my apologies for any confusion. Someday I hope you are all impressed with my vast pop culture knowledge. I rock at Jeopardy too.

Watched American Idol last night - I've been watching this show since the Season 1 finale episode - SPOILER ALERT!!!!!



I can't believe they used the save on Big Mike. Though his vocals were "hot" on the Swan Song, my fear is that Crystal Bowersox may go home early if the voters pull a "Daughtry" in a couple of weeks or so.

Grrr. Oh well. I'm sure that Tim and Andrew or Andrew and Aaron will go home next week.

I guessed correctly on all counts last night: bottom three, safe, bottom two, eliminated, saved. All of it. DH is my witness. I'm sure he was annoyed b/c he was trying to watch the Dodgers game online. MLB.com blows. It freezes till about mid-season. Oh well.

I will keep you ladies posted - thanks for the support! It's like crack to me. I swear. :)

I CAN control everything!

I am such a bitchy patient. That's why I just got back from Dr. B's office with TWO FOLLICLES!!!!! No more letting them decide what's up - I'm in the damn driver's seat now!

Ultrasound - substitute chick, hurt my vajayjay. She used the dildo cam as a weapon, I swear.

I saw the right ovary, a bunch of little follicles but none that stood out as reasonable.
Then I saw the left ovary (after she jabbed me a bunch of times) and BAM! Huge follie! I figured it was the same one as Monday that had gotten to about 30mm. Then I saw another one, a little smaller, but it looked big enough to count. It was the 10mm-er from Monday.

Lining up to 9.3 from 8 in 2 days. My lining is usually around 11 or 12 so 9.3 sounds better. It should be around an 11 by Friday.

Yeah Friday.

IUI #7 is back on!!! The big follie is 31mm and the next one is over 16mm!!!  Screw you Dr. B. You were wrong. Sure, the 8mm and 9mm follicles went away but I knew I could squeeze one more out.

And they're both on the left side where my tube should be pristine so I feel 100% better than I did on Monday. I have to take one more vial of Repronex tonight to boost that "little" one some more to push it over the 17mm minimum and then tomorrow we are triggering.

I then told Nurse Awesome But Kinda Flighty that I no longer want Clomid used in my cycles. I want Follistim or something else. She asked if I'm up for Letrozol and I said we could discuss in 2 weeks if necessary but at this point, no more Clomid. 8 cycles is enough.

So thank you ladies for your support. DH apologized when I explained his behavior was making everything worse and has been wonderful. PS, and possible TMI, we have to BD tonight, so yay for him I suppose.

My belly looks like I got hit with paintballs and that those bruises have faded - I got strange welts, then bruises from the little needles.

The Trigger is a huge needle that goes in my upper ass. That never leaves a scar or has welts. Hmmm.

Well I'm just so happy and so glad that I refused to trigger on CD12 and instead, it'll be CD15, like I thought.

Things that cheer me up: 84 days till Eclipse, and 6 days till GLEE returns!!!! Also - discount Easter candy.

ONE FOLLICLE. Just one. And 3 little ones

I haven't cried in a long time. I don't remember when - maybe it was when I was in the ER the day after Thanksgiving experiencing my ectopic pregnancy. I think that was the last time. I still haven't cried. I am doing everything I can to hold it together.

The doctor wanted to trigger today. I have a 26mm follicle on the left ovary and another small one, 10mm I think, on that one too. Then I have a 9mm and an 8mm on the right.

I told the doc that I would rather do it on our own if he was going to trigger me this early, on CD12. It's ridiculous! I'm a late ovulator! Why would he do it so soon!? He said that once a follicle gets over 20mm, the smaller ones become suppressed and the dominant one "wins". Well, I said we'd do it on our own tonight and then I'd like to keep doing the repronex for a couple more days and then another u/s on Wednesday. If it pops, then at least we got some swimmers in there and we'll BD more on Wednesday and Thursday. If not, and the big one is bigger with the smaller ones around 14mm, then he said we'd wait a couple more days and trigger Friday.

The doc doubts the smaller ones will catch up but I'd rather try this than always wonder. Most likely, no IUI this month. Fine with me.

Oh, and DH really is pissing me off. We had hotel sex on Saturday but not Friday so he whined all weekend. Then all day yesterday he kept bugging me for sex on Sunday night and demanding to have some tonight. I just want to smack him! So I texted him a bunch from the drs office to let him know what's going on and he's saying he wants to do it twice tonight.

He gets so juvenile and doesn't get that I'm near my breaking point with frustration and disappointment and he's bugging me about sex so that HE's happy. What an insensitive jerk. Typically, when the issue doesn't involve sex, he's wonderful. But with IF comes scheduled sex and he's clearly having issues with that. Even after TWO AND A HALF YEARS.

I have to pick up my meds after work b/c STUPID NURSE OLD LADY was an idiot and wouldn't give me the damn shot like the doctor told her to and she told me to go pick up my meds at the pharmacy. Well I had to go to work so now I'll get them at 5:30 when the place is closing down and then drive home to give myself a shot, nearly 10 hours later than if I'd just taken a shot this morning.

I hate all of this. I can't wait for IVF to work with people who can get me pregnant. The doc thinks I will be fine on stims but he didn't give me too much this cycle b/c he was afraid he'd over-stim me. Clearly, we have a problem and I obviously need more meds.

I am just so upset that I have nobody here to call and talk to or a friend to come over and hug me and let me just cry. I have a horny husband and my blog and even though you wonderful ladies follow me and leave such wonderful supporting comments, I still feel so damn alone. And everyone who was my friend is either pregnant or doesn't want to hear about our "problem". Especially my ex-bff who was my maid of honor and is now dating my brother-in-law. She basically ignored me all weekend and I needed her to talk with me like she did last year and if our "problem" came up in conversation she got really uncomfortable.

I. cant. wait. for. IVF.

I'm going home in a couple of hours and giving myself that shot and then i'll either break down and cry or go run. and I never run. only when I'm really upset.

CD11 - U/s tomorrow

So I got all the shots done. I got some welts around the injection sites and they are pretty sensitive, but all seems to have gone pretty well. We made it home from Indy in one piece.

DH at a "Big Ugly" 22-oz burger on Saturday afternoon at lunch with the whole family there. We all went out to eat and when he heard about the burger challenge, he had to do it. He finished it with no problem so he got his picture on the wall. Even though he's trying to lose weight, I supported his overeating for the experience with family, etc. But typically, I vote no to Hardees and other horrible places to eat. We got fat after we graduated college b/c we ate whatever we wanted all the time. We each lost about 40lbs before our wedding and we've been trying to keep it off ever since. DH nearly gained it all back but is only about 25 lbs from his pre-wedding weight. I am about 18 lbs from my pre-wedding weight but I'd be happy to lose 5-10 lbs at this point. I bought new running/walking shoes last week so that should push me to get outside now!

U/s is tomorrow - I'll let you all know how many follicles I have. We're hoping for at least 2-3 on the left ovary since the right tube is most likely screwed up from November's ectopic pregnancy. The doc won't trigger if there's more than four on one ovary. I took an LH/Ovulation test when we got home to see what that would look like. It looks like it might be positive in the next day or so. I assume I'll be triggered by Tuesday. Hopefully not tomorrow. I'd think an IUI on CD13 is a bit early.

I'm The Queen Of Shots!

Oh yeah. I stuck a needle in my stomach this morning. I was a little bit of a baby but it wasn't the shot part itself that was so scary - it was the mixing of the Sodium Chloride and the Repronex, then trying not to kill myself with an air bubble. The needle's pretty small so it wasn't that big of a deal. I put a bandaid on it though. Lol. No blood. lol. wuss.

I do have a red patch about the size of a quarter around the injection site. No other reactions so I figure it's normal. I just took the last of my Clo.mid. Next stop - injection #2 tomorrow. Now that I get what I'm doing, it shouldn't be that bad.

I'm in Indianapolis for the weekend - no I don't get to watch any of the final four games. Darn. Just visiting some in-laws (husband's family). It's pretty boring - they all know we're doing IF treatment and that neither of us can drink. Bummer is, they're all huge drinkers. I feel like such a prude when I turn them down. I did have 2 bud lites and a lemon drop shot in about 8 hours. I'm pretty sure it won't affect anything.

Okay, I'm tired. Till tomorrow - peace out.

Injectables for Dummies

So yesterday was my baseline. I had a 9mm-er on the right and a 10mm-er on the left. On CD5. WTF? I had one baseline last year in January. I have no clue how it went, I don't remember except that I got pregnant that cycle (I wonder if the HSG had anything to do with it?) so whatever.

Wand-time is gross when AF is in town so, TMI, I'm glad it was CD5 (almost over). The wand lady asked if I had a tampon in. I replied by asking if that's actually happened. She said yes and gave examples. I didn't need to hear those. Eww. Shudder.

After the probing I met with Nurse Old Lady Who Knows Nothing And Recently Got A Kate Gosselin Reverse Mullet Haircut. She had me sit in the non-stress testing room to watch a video on how to mix Repronex (Bravelle & Menopur) and inject yourself.

Class, does an infertile like to sit in a room where pregnant ladies sit (in luxurious leather recliners I might add)?

NO!!!! SHE DOES NOT!!!!

Good job class.

So I watched the video; Nurse OLWKNARGAKGRMH kept opening and closing the door. It was then even more difficult to concentrate. Besides I was going to be late getting back to work and when you're new at a job, absences look bad.

After the video, we went into an exam room (thank geezus but I don't want to see more pictures of frigging babies on the walls!) so she could literally show me the exact same thing I'd seen on the video. Seriously.
The equipment I'll be using is a little different than in the video but still. 40 minutes I can't get back that should be 10.

I was told to start Clomid yesterday and continue to Friday. Also on Friday I am to begin giving myself the injections. Yes, to myself. In the tummy (I'd like to say my lower abs but, chuckle, sadly that is not the case).

Well - schedule for injections:

Friday (early) a.m. - somehow remember to mix and then inject myself while DH is urging me to hurry up so we can leave for our 7 HOUR CAR RIDE to Indianapolis.
Saturday (not as early) a.m. - mix and inject myself in the HOTEL ROOM
Sunday a.m. (reasonably early) - same as Saturday and then drive home

Then I have an ultrasound on Monday afternoon.

Nurse Idiot thinks the IUI will be next Tuesday. Really? On CD13? Lady you're nuts. Not gonna happen. Wednesday at the soonest. More likely next Thursday.

Question for you lovely ladies (and if there are gentlemen you are to be commended for reading these blogs):

Have you ever taken Repronex, Menopur or Bravelle and did you consume alcohol at all? This trip to Indy is to visit in-laws and my best friend. Drinking is ALWAYS involved. If it will be bad for me in any way I won't drink but I'm afraid to call the drs office and get that stupid nurse.

Anyhoo, as all of this was going on yesterday all I could think about was posting the play-by-play here so someone could either confirm that this nurse is getting on your nerves too or if this is typical for first time injecters....

CD2 - Cycle who knows how many - Onto IUI #7

So AF arrived yesterday. Like I told the nurse it would. It was a pretty painful first day. But at least I was asleep by 10pm. That never happens.

Here's the plan so far according to Nurse Old Lady Who Knows Nothing About IF And Has No Memory Of Patient History:

Baseline u/s on CD 5 (next Monday)
Start Clomid after baseline u/s on CD 5
Start Repronex injections on CD10 - CD12
U/s on CD12
U/s on CD14
IUI #7 on CD15 (Thursday 4/8)

As far as Repronex goes, it's basically the same as Menopur. It's LH and FSH (Follistim) in a shot form and boosts the Clomid.

I guess it's a bit of a "training-wheels" cycle to see how I respond. After sleeping on it, I realized it's a bit of a combination of our plans moving forward so it's no big deal.

Maybe next month I'll get to do something other than clomid though.

Also, another blog I've been following posted last night how their first IVF cycle was a failure. That's two IVF failures I've seen in the past month in other blogs. It makes me so nervous b/c we most likely won't qualify for a package deal and will have to go cycle by cycle. If the first one fails I don't know if I can talk DH into another $12k cycle that soon.

PS: we have over 100k in student loans combined plus a house. Yeah. We are not rolling in the dough.

So.....tonight I drink. Tomorrow, I go for some shopping therapy. We'll see. But at least we're doing something totally different.

Finally - I don't think the repronex comes in pen forms like Follistim. I think I'll have to draw the stuff out of the vials and give myself the shots. In the arse. yeah. DH says he refuses to do it. Um....who else will help me b/c I can't reach my arse? Help on suggestions you wonderful ladies who have been commenting on my blog???  Or anyone passing through? Oh, to top it off, we will be out of town the weekend I start with the shots so one night we'll be alone. for the last 2 shots i'm thinking of asking my nurse sister. lol....

Sigh...the plan for IUI #7 a.k.a. "Last Ditch Effort"

So I called the doctor's office today to let them know AF is coming. The nurse asked, "Has it arrived?"
I said, "No but it will be here by the end of the day." She then asked, "Have you taken a pregnancy test?"


LADY - WHY DO YOU THINK I'M CALLING YOU???? IF I THOUGHT THERE WAS A CHANCE I WAS PREGNANT I'D BE BEGGING FOR A FRIGGING BETA!!!

So I told her the that yes I've taken several and they are all very much negative. I then asked when we should order the injectables so that if I need them this weekend they will be here in time. She didn't know what was going on (so typical) so she talked to the doc and then called me back.

Here's the plan - even though I tried to get them to be more aggressive:

CD1 - alert Dr. B's office.
CD3 (possibly CD4 or CD 5 b/c u/s days are falling on weekends) - Begin CLOMID 100mg
            - Baseline ultrasound and informational lesson on giving myself shots.
CD4 - Continue Clomid (yeah, like I want this crap some more)
CD5 - Continue Clomid (I love night sweats)
CD6 - Almost done with Clomid (hope I don't have more crazy mood swings)
CD7 - DONE with Clomid
CD8 - Begin REPRONEX injections
CD9 - Continue REPRONEX injections
CD10 - Complete REPRONEX injections
CD11 - Ultrasound
CD13 - Ultrasound/probable trigger
CD14 - Probable IUI #7

The doc is afraid to go nuts with the injectables on me b/c it would be better to get 2-4 follicles than to waste all this money and give me OHSS. So I have to respect and appreciate that. I guess the Repronex is a booster to the Clomid.

I'll keep you all posted.

But I'm calling the IVF clinic tomorrow to schedule an appt for May, hopefully one that is on the same day as DH's follow-up with his Urology/Fertility specialist. DH's doc and the IVF clinic are in the same complex/hospital.

Grrr. I'm going to get some wine now. And chocolate. And potato chips.

F.uck this sh.it.

Sorry for the cursing. I'm just really pissed and fell for fake symptoms. Something I rarely have done since our first year of trying.