Thursday, November 28, 2013

Happy Thanksgiving!

All is fine. I go back to work in a week and a half.  Maternity leave has flown by!

The husband and I still go to therapy. We are just surviving parenthood. He still sleeps downstairs. He's more like a roommate.

Grace is adorable. She is also attached to my boobs. She's bigger than Claire was and eats nonstop. I may have to supplement to keep up with her.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

She's here!

Grace Irene was born Friday October 25, 2013 at 7:26 am weighing 8lbs 3 oz and was 20 inches long. Arrival via scheduled repeat C-section even though I had hoped for a vbac.

A screamer from the start, it appears we have a spitfire on our hands. Her position was such that a C-section was inevitable, face out, no engagement.

She's all about breastfeeding and really latches well at this point. But its marathon nursing till my milk comes in. I'm the human pacifier. Oh well. It's the first 24 hours.

Claire and Grace met. Claire was out of sorts but was sweet. More to follow... So tired.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

39 weeks 4 days

Sorry to keep anyone hanging. I can't tell you how much your well wishes and prayers have meant to me...

The husband is still in the house but lives downstairs on the couch and out of the downstairs bathroom. He and I are in therapy twice a week and he goes to 2 SAA meetings a week. He has a sponsor and has no access to his cell phone or the laptop while at home. The cell phone bill came in and I scoured it and he's been on his best behavior since I discovered what he was doing.

We are working on him and I'm working on getting through how I feel about everything. I'm due in 3 days (10/23) with a C-section scheduled in 5 (10/25) if no naturally occurring VBAC. I am willing to let him be at the hospital during the birth and it'll be a game-time decision as to whether he witnesses the birth.

We are acting as parents and roommates but not really functioning as a married couple. I'm beyond hurt and just need more time. I've been more focused on Claire and preparing for the baby's arrival. I'm so thrilled that I finally get to meet her this week!

As for the pregnancy, all is "boring" and I can't complain. Swollen ankles, stretched out belly, sore hips and back, etc. She moves so much and it does hurt but I am pretty used to it.

Claire turned 2 yesterday. No party but she got to see all of her local family and go several fun places. She's amazing!

She knows her ABC's, counts to 20, knows shapes and colors and has a huge vocabulary. She is loving and hilarious. The potty training is progressing and we'll see if it sticks when the baby comes. She still gets a binky at bedtime and I'm hoping to wean her from that also after her sister arrives.

I'll be sure to post birth and baby info when it happens. ;)

Friday, September 6, 2013

Rock Bottom

Thank you to anyone who commented and is sending supportive thoughts my way. I really have no one but my parents to talk to right now and I do feel blessed to have any support.

We went to counseling on Tuesday evening. The counselor diagnosed DH as a sex addict. I've told him for years I suspected he had a problem but until he started admitting things in that painful hour session, I had no idea how bad off/sick he is.

I had to get him to take steps to rid the house of his porn collection, I canceled Cinemax and HBO. I took the laptop. I asked for his phone.

Wait, you ask, wtf is he doing in your house still? Why are you doing all the work and not him?

1. I'm pregnant and need help with the house.
2. We need another counseling session to work out living arrangements.
3. My kids.

See, right now, if he doesn't hit rock bottom, he won't fully commit to recovery like he says he has. Also, I refuse to allow him to continue the behavior in this house with my daughter here.

He didn't do any work because he has to be told to do everything. He has never been proactive. Also he's a sick bastard.

The future is bleak for him and my kids if he doesn't get help immediately. So my relationship with him right now is, in effect, over for now. But I'm focusing on getting help for him, for my kids' sake. If he steps out of line or slips, he's out of the house or I'll leave with Claire. That's the plan for now. I'm also separating our finances since I don't trust him and if we do split I have to be smart.

How am I? One half a wreck and he other half a momma bear protecting my cubs. The pregnancy is now wearing on me; swollen ankles, hard to walk as my hips are on fire, can't sleep, and the braxton hicks are constant it seems.

Did I mention that I got myself tested for STDs? That was both painful and humiliating but the responsible thing to to.

He says he never slept with anyone, just had a phone affair with sexting and constant texts and photos exchanged. Duh I saw that in the records.

I feel he's lying to keep me here because if he slept with anyone he knows I'll divorce him for sure.

He went to a sex addicts anonymous meeting last night and plans on going two days a week in addition to intensive therapy and marriage counseling. I guess we'll see.

This is not how I wanted to spend the last six or so weeks of pregnancy. The nursery isn't even done. Goddammit.

I'm so angry for me and my baby girls. We don't deserve any of this.

Thanks again for the support. Each comment felt like a hug, honestly.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Who Cheats On Their PREGNANT Wife?

Yep. DH is having an affair. I found out Monday after he got a weird text message and lied about it.

I checked the phone records that night and I found months of exchanges between him and this other number. He lied till the facts were laid out. Then he blamed me.

11 years as a couple, nearly 6 years of marriage, 5 years of infertility, one daughter and another on the way and he went online and found someone else.

So my life is a shit storm right now. And I'm due in 7 weeks.


I Can't Control Everything | Desenvolvido por EMPORIUM DIGITAL