Thursday, November 28, 2013

Happy Thanksgiving!

All is fine. I go back to work in a week and a half.  Maternity leave has flown by!

The husband and I still go to therapy. We are just surviving parenthood. He still sleeps downstairs. He's more like a roommate.

Grace is adorable. She is also attached to my boobs. She's bigger than Claire was and eats nonstop. I may have to supplement to keep up with her.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

She's here!

Grace Irene was born Friday October 25, 2013 at 7:26 am weighing 8lbs 3 oz and was 20 inches long. Arrival via scheduled repeat C-section even though I had hoped for a vbac.

A screamer from the start, it appears we have a spitfire on our hands. Her position was such that a C-section was inevitable, face out, no engagement.

She's all about breastfeeding and really latches well at this point. But its marathon nursing till my milk comes in. I'm the human pacifier. Oh well. It's the first 24 hours.

Claire and Grace met. Claire was out of sorts but was sweet. More to follow... So tired.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

39 weeks 4 days

Sorry to keep anyone hanging. I can't tell you how much your well wishes and prayers have meant to me...

The husband is still in the house but lives downstairs on the couch and out of the downstairs bathroom. He and I are in therapy twice a week and he goes to 2 SAA meetings a week. He has a sponsor and has no access to his cell phone or the laptop while at home. The cell phone bill came in and I scoured it and he's been on his best behavior since I discovered what he was doing.

We are working on him and I'm working on getting through how I feel about everything. I'm due in 3 days (10/23) with a C-section scheduled in 5 (10/25) if no naturally occurring VBAC. I am willing to let him be at the hospital during the birth and it'll be a game-time decision as to whether he witnesses the birth.

We are acting as parents and roommates but not really functioning as a married couple. I'm beyond hurt and just need more time. I've been more focused on Claire and preparing for the baby's arrival. I'm so thrilled that I finally get to meet her this week!

As for the pregnancy, all is "boring" and I can't complain. Swollen ankles, stretched out belly, sore hips and back, etc. She moves so much and it does hurt but I am pretty used to it.

Claire turned 2 yesterday. No party but she got to see all of her local family and go several fun places. She's amazing!

She knows her ABC's, counts to 20, knows shapes and colors and has a huge vocabulary. She is loving and hilarious. The potty training is progressing and we'll see if it sticks when the baby comes. She still gets a binky at bedtime and I'm hoping to wean her from that also after her sister arrives.

I'll be sure to post birth and baby info when it happens. ;)

Friday, September 6, 2013

Rock Bottom

Thank you to anyone who commented and is sending supportive thoughts my way. I really have no one but my parents to talk to right now and I do feel blessed to have any support.

We went to counseling on Tuesday evening. The counselor diagnosed DH as a sex addict. I've told him for years I suspected he had a problem but until he started admitting things in that painful hour session, I had no idea how bad off/sick he is.

I had to get him to take steps to rid the house of his porn collection, I canceled Cinemax and HBO. I took the laptop. I asked for his phone.

Wait, you ask, wtf is he doing in your house still? Why are you doing all the work and not him?

1. I'm pregnant and need help with the house.
2. We need another counseling session to work out living arrangements.
3. My kids.

See, right now, if he doesn't hit rock bottom, he won't fully commit to recovery like he says he has. Also, I refuse to allow him to continue the behavior in this house with my daughter here.

He didn't do any work because he has to be told to do everything. He has never been proactive. Also he's a sick bastard.

The future is bleak for him and my kids if he doesn't get help immediately. So my relationship with him right now is, in effect, over for now. But I'm focusing on getting help for him, for my kids' sake. If he steps out of line or slips, he's out of the house or I'll leave with Claire. That's the plan for now. I'm also separating our finances since I don't trust him and if we do split I have to be smart.

How am I? One half a wreck and he other half a momma bear protecting my cubs. The pregnancy is now wearing on me; swollen ankles, hard to walk as my hips are on fire, can't sleep, and the braxton hicks are constant it seems.

Did I mention that I got myself tested for STDs? That was both painful and humiliating but the responsible thing to to.

He says he never slept with anyone, just had a phone affair with sexting and constant texts and photos exchanged. Duh I saw that in the records.

I feel he's lying to keep me here because if he slept with anyone he knows I'll divorce him for sure.

He went to a sex addicts anonymous meeting last night and plans on going two days a week in addition to intensive therapy and marriage counseling. I guess we'll see.

This is not how I wanted to spend the last six or so weeks of pregnancy. The nursery isn't even done. Goddammit.

I'm so angry for me and my baby girls. We don't deserve any of this.

Thanks again for the support. Each comment felt like a hug, honestly.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Who Cheats On Their PREGNANT Wife?

Yep. DH is having an affair. I found out Monday after he got a weird text message and lied about it.

I checked the phone records that night and I found months of exchanges between him and this other number. He lied till the facts were laid out. Then he blamed me.

11 years as a couple, nearly 6 years of marriage, 5 years of infertility, one daughter and another on the way and he went online and found someone else.

So my life is a shit storm right now. And I'm due in 7 weeks.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

28/29 weeks

All is well. Baby kicks and rolls all the time. Its definitely harder to be pregnant while caring for a toddler. Claire got ecoli and had to stay out of daycare for 2+ weeks till her stool samples came back negative. It made for a long July between her being sick and then the recovery process. But she had no complications so we're very happy about that.

Today she's home with me (again) due to her contracting strep throat. Poor kiddo. I got her cold but hopefully not the strep.

I'm 29 weeks today and very ready to meet this little girl. Too bad the nursery isn't anywhere near done. I have been stocking up on supplies this time. Lesson learned with Claire...

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Week 22

This pregnancy continues to go well. I feel better and better and I'm reminded of how the middle of my pregnancy with Claire was so comfortable.

I continue to spoil and love my little girl before her sister arrives. We've begun potty training and its been more of a transition than a sudden change. She's doing very well.

I keep finding great deals on second hand toys so we've been adding to the collection pretty quickly. A wagon, slide, kitchen, makeup table...I can't seem to stop. Hopefully she'll share with her sister!

Friday, June 7, 2013

Week 20

Baby is awesome! Measured at 20w1d with a due date of 10/23/13. That's four days after Claire's birthday.

We also found out what we're having.

Another girl! Sisters!

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Week 19

Tons of pics for you, plus a belly pic from last week.

We find out what's in that belly this Thursday morning. I'm so excited!!! Baby is kicking and punching a lot so things are definitely normal there.

I'm finally getting to my pre-pregnancy weight due to such bad morning sickness.  I still have good aversions but McDonald plain cheeseburgers are my biggest craving right now. I know, Ewww.

Claire is great! We start potty training next week since she is very ready. Smart little girl, I tell ya.

I'll let you all know if its a boy or girl, I promise. We're telling my family after work Thursday and DH's family on Friday.

With the pics below, my faves are the ones with the rainbow in the background. She is definitely our Rainbow Baby.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Week 18

I'm still here! I suck at keeping up. Baby is fine. I have some ribs out due to a bad cough I had. Lots of movement every day from the little one. We find out what it is in less than 2 weeks!

Friday, May 3, 2013

Week 14

...ended yesterday but I still need to post.

No belly pics yet. It is all flab mostly but my belly button is starting to flatten already. That took over 30 weeks last time. I also weighed more last time.

The morning sickness is pretty much gone. I have to eat all day long to keep the nausea away but that's fine.

Cravings: Gatorade, candy, movie (gas station) popcorn, ice cream, chocolate milk, oranges, steak, potatoes and donuts.

Sleep: I try to stay up till 9. I was in bed at 730 on Wednesday when Claire went to bed. I'm exhausted.

Emotional? Yes.

Movement? Not sure. I felt "popcorn" at 15 weeks with Claire. I feel gas bubbles now but I think its the baby. We'll see I guess.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Week 13 over today. The morning sickness is a lot better too. Evening nausea seems to come on yet.

I'm starting belly pics next week. My regular pants barely fit and even if I suck it in, there's definitely a bump now.

2nd trimester, here I come!

Week 12

The appt went great. Baby was fine, we got some quick pics and afterward we told our families the big news.

The next day we posted it on Facebook. I can't believe it.

Thursday, April 11, 2013


Holy crap tomorrow's the day. 12 weeks. The doctors appointment is in the morning and I'm sure it'll be a quick check and then "see you in a month!".

I'm definitely feeling better. I can tolerate more food and its been about 2 weeks since I last puked. I'm still nauseous but its not as bad as it was.

I can feel pressure where my uterus is growing and I have a little belly starting. It must be true that you show sooner the second time around. Its hard to say that because this is my 6th pregnancy.

We'll be sharing the news with our siblings tomorrow, then our co-workers on Monday. Probably Facebook that day too. I can't believe I'm putting this on Facebook.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013


So I got my Doppler back from my SIL last Saturday and used it as soon as Claire was in bed. At only 10 weeks I found the baby's heartbeat! I just tried it again tonight and found it right away! Its such an amazing feeling and I'm so grateful.

Easter was fun; Claire had a little egg hunt in the house since it was cold outside yet.

She met the Easter bunny the weekend prior but wasn't impressed.

I'm feeling better some days and pretty sick other days. I hope it fades away soon but that's wishful thinking... I lost 15 lbs the first trimester with Claire and this time I'm down about 5 lbs. That's because my starting weight was 20 lbs lower than last time.

I'm wearing maternity dress pants now and they feel awesome. Like sweatpants! I'm looking so forward to next Friday's doctor's appointment. We'll get a quick peek at the baby and enter into the second trimester!

Thursday, March 28, 2013


This was an interesting week of pregnancy. My morning sickness kicked into high gear Monday night and I wasn't able to keep anything down, including water. I stayed home from work on Tuesday and got a stronger prescription for the nausea: phenergan. I'm alternating that with the Zofran and have been feeling better. I'm mostly following a BRAT diet too.

I got worried that I couldn't keep down my vitamins, prednisone and baby aspirin. Then I feared dehydration. I took some of Claire's pedialyte in a desperate attempt to get better too. I think the ms just peaked (hopefully).

Yesterday was 3/27. That is a big milestone for me, mostly emotionally. This pregnancy is officially the second-longest out of six. Claire, of course, is the winner. Tomorrow is 10 weeks. Time is not flying but at least its passing.

Thursday, March 21, 2013


So I'm at the precipice of reaching that milestone of 9 weeks. Claire is the only baby to survive past 9 weeks so we're just waiting - taking it day by day. I'm massively nauseous but mostly force myself to not throw up. The food I'm willing to eat has to stay down somehow.

I was thinking this morning how its so bizarre that I'm pregnant. We tried on our own and after so many years of failure it felt pointless. Or like pretend. "Sure, let's be like normal, fertile people and make a baby on our own!"

But it happened. And the longer this pregnancy lasts the more attached I become to the idea that we will actually welcome another child into this little family of ours in October. I always dreamed of having four kids, but when we hit the wall of infertility and RPL, I swore I'd be happy with even just one baby. Now we might have a second one? Well in my eyes, this baby is a bonus and a miracle.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013


Nothing special going on except I continue to feel worse each day. Morning sickness is starting to get the best of me.

I'm exhausted and nauseous 24/7 but that must be a good thing so I'll take it.

We told our parents last weekend and they were very surprised and excited for us.

I've had no spotting but I keep thinking about the blood near the sac. I wish I could have more ultrasounds but for now we have to wait till 12 weeks to see this kiddo again.

So we wait...

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Ultrasound #1 results

One baby. HB 122. A little blood near the sac...I'm not terribly worried. Yet.

No spotting so we'll take it one day at a time

Monday, March 4, 2013

Six weeks

Vomitfest has begun. No more fast food even if I'm craving it!!!

Ultrasound #1 is tomorrow. Will this all end in bad news or continue on as if we are normal people? Like we're fertile and can sustain a pregnancy?


And a big snowstorm is coming in. Like it'll keep me from Wandy. Yeah right.

I'll post after I get the results. Fingers crossed.

Also SIL had her baby today. Tough labor, rough birth but her baby girl is here and healthy.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Fifth Week

Sooo sick. Desperately trying to not vomit.

DH got a new job today and I got a sweet raise.

One more week till we see what is or isn't cooking in there...

Claire pic for you all:

Wednesday, February 20, 2013


Still pregnant. We lost our first at this point in 2008. Well this one isn't a chemical so I'd like to think we're in the clear today.

I tested up to yesterday to see the lines get darker. They mimic the tests from Claire's pregnancy and for me, that's reassuring.

I feel sick and it seems sooner than with any other time. To think that this is my SIXTH pregnancy....I'm still wrapping my mind around the concept. We always planned on having more kids but I really believed it would be years before I got pregnant again.

With Claire I was on Folgard, heparin injections twice a day, low dose prednisone, prenatal vitamins, baby aspirin and PIO.

This pregnancy I'm taking prenatal vitamins, baby aspirin and low dose prednisone

With Claire I limited myself to picking up nothing more than 10 lbs almost the entire pregnancy.

This pregnancy I'm a mom to a >26 lb toddler. I buy groceries and clean my house. Unless advised otherwise I have to lift some stuff but I'll limit it to Claire's weight class.

Overall we hope that I can be a "normal" pregnant person and have everything go smoothly. Lofty aspirations for someone with RPL but its keeping me calmer, more relaxed.

Also, I continue to remember how long 9 months will be and that I have to take it one day at a time. Its funny, I wake up and have to remind myself that I'm pregnant. Or at work and I'll be in a meeting and think to myself, 'I'm pregnant!'. Then I smile. No matter how long this lasts, I'll be happy and grateful for this baby, just like all the others.

The difference now is, I have Claire and she gives the best hugs and kisses so no matter what happens, she'll get me through whatever happens. Oh and my husband. Ha ha.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Beta #2

Beta #1 at 14 dpo: 90
Beta #2 at 16 dpo: 286!!!!!!!!

Doubling time of 28.78 hours holy crap!!!

Might this actually be a miracle?

Friday, February 15, 2013

Beta #1

Beta #1 on 14 dpo:

Hcg: 90
Progesterone: 33.2

Yuck. Now we wait till Sundays results are in. But I expected a beta over 100. Better than previous shitty beta /pregnancies but not as encouraging as my IVF pregnancy.

Still pregnant

4 weeks today according to the opks. The Dr wants a beta and progesterone draw due to my history. Repeat beta on Sunday. I didn't even ask for betas! Oh well I won't complain.

I have pretty strong morning sickness but I haven't thrown up yet. Food aversion? Check. Sore boobs? Check. Tired? Oh yeah.

We aren't telling anyone for awhile. I have a 6 week ultrasound on march 5 now to get placement and hopefully see a heartbeat. We wonder if there are two in there? Oh boy....

Thanks for the well wishes! Its nice to know people still care even after I kind of went off the grid.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

May The Odds Be Ever In My Favor...?

Pregnancy #6. Here we go again!


I Can't Control Everything | Desenvolvido por EMPORIUM DIGITAL