6dpiui

So. I changed my template again. I'll probably do that till I'm happy. I'm becoming pretty indecisive about it. But if you see that the template is different every time you see my blog, it's not a different blog, just me trying to figure out what I want to do with it (for free...).....

Sigh.

I got some HPTs in from Ebay last night. The cheapies. Yep. And this time, they are not Wondfos. They are from Russia (or somewhere around Russia b/c of the language printed on them). I took one last night. I was 5dpiui and 6dphcg. It was almost faint positive. Definitely not negative, but not the strong positive I was expecting And for a 20mlu minimum, that's surprising. So...since they only cost $3.00 for 10, I'll probably just test out the trigger with them and keep some for the actual "testing days", otherwise known as 12-14dpiui.

Other than my obsession with finding out if this cycle worked, I got to enjoy the return of GLEE on Tuesday night. I did squeal when Idina Menzel and Jonathan Groff appeared on screen. DH has no clue why but for anyone who knows who they are, it's obvious that GLEE is not holding back on talent this season. Oh, and American Idol has gotten strange. Ryan Seacrest is bizzare - and after his Brian Dunkleman comment, I swore that there will be a Secrest Checks Into Rehab announcement in the next six months and that I could no longer stand him. His behavior has been so manic this season that I've thrown in the towel. Here's how the season should end: Crystal shouldn't win but at least place in 2nd or 3rd. That way she will have more control over her career when she's signed (which WILL happen) and will be able to play her own music. Lee Dwyze should win and I wouldn't be surpised if Casey James is in the top three. I can't stand Screechy Strange Shioban and Mike Douchebag Lynche. They should go soon. Aaron Kelly is a sweet boy but should wait a couple of years and then go country. Tim Urban should get on TV. NOW. He's hot and can kinda sing but I think he's "commercial" and should get an acting career going. He won't win AI this year, I can guarantee that.

Back to the possible embryo or lack thereof that I'm thinking about 24/7, I am starting to think that the big follicle (likely over 31mm at time of ovulation) might have been too mature and not viable for fertilization. But.....the 16mm-er from the day before the trigger was ripe and with the additional time and Repronex, I'm positive it got over 18 or 19mm by the time ovulation occurred. It grew 6mm in 2 days, so that's where I'm getting the numbers. Now THAT follicle and resulting egg should have been perfect. I wonder if people get twins from 2 completely different sized eggs?

Finally, I also got in 3 boxes of Answer HPTs from Ebay. Each box has 2 tests in it. So I have 6 Answer tests for next week. I will likely begin taking them at 10 dpo unless the Russian cheapies are negative. I love to rationalize. I'll keep ya'll posted but I'm sure there won't be any news for about four to five days. Till then, I'll keep peeing in cups and jabbing sticks into them. Gross. Gotta love infertility.

I Just Woke Up...

Stupid Equate tests. Must've been faulty. All tests (FRERs, Dollar Trees) are negative. Stark frigging white negative. Today is 13dpiui/14dpt.

Onto injectables and all out of pocket to boot.

Screw the progesterone tonight. I quit if I'm not going to need it. AF should arrive on Thursday like clockwork.

I'm really fricking pissed. It's going to take at least a few days to get positive again.

Now, for the THIRD YEAR IN A ROW, I get to travel to Indy to visit DH's brothers (wives and kids too) for easter and no pregnancy or baby to show for it.

I'm near tears. I can't do this anymore. I just want to move onto IVF. I'm calling them at lunch on Thursday when AF shows. I'll try to get an appt for May.

I'm going to sulk now. If the last of my FRERs is negative tomorrow (14dpiui) I'll be buying a bottle of wine and enjoying it.

Saturday the 27th is our one year anniversary of our 9-week sudden loss. I swore to myself all last year that I'd be pregnant or have a baby by the time 3/27/10 came around. It was the only way to survive last year. I was so depressed.

Sob.

Now I have nothing.

I wish I could just go home and get drunk. But I get sadder when I drink so I have no clue what would make me happy.

This cycle's failure is so painful.

I like this dream...11dpiui/12dpt

Got up around 8:30 am....tried to use the CBE but turns out it's a digital one. My mistake. So I got out the Equate EPT. Took it. Faint line again. I've NEVER SEEN this past 10dpiui/11dpt when it's negative. So then I took the digital. Negative. That's fine, I have never gotten a positive on a digital before 12dpo and 13dpiui. So I'm not panicking.  But my nips are getting sensitive. OMG please let this be happening. Not a chemical, not an EP, but finally a success.

I'll probably be a nutcase and go to the local drug store for more tests this afternoon. My afternoon tests have always been darker. lol....I guess it might be worth dropping $20-$50 on hpts this month huh? lol....  They may be faint but I know it's early. If this continues and I get to a beta (I won't ask for one till I get a positive digital if it's before 14dpiui), then I might breathe a teensy bit.

Goals for pregnancy for fertiles: stock nursery, wear cute clothes, don't get too sick, give birth.
Goals for pregnancy for infertiles: get positive hpts. get positive betas that rise appropriately. make it to first ultrasound. confirm uterine pregnancy. make it to heartbeat ultrasound. make it past the latest you've ever gotten if you've had an early miscarriage. Make it past first trimester. make it to viability at 24 weeks. make it into third trimester. give birth to live baby.

Sad huh? But that's what happens when it doesn't "just happen".

Here are the pictures of this morning's tests:

1dpiui

So DH has agreed to injectables. Without a long conversation. Crazy stuff. Obviously we hope/need this cycle to work but if it doesn't we have a plan. Injectables. Finally.

Doc says that if we breach 4 follicles he may cancel the trigger and iui for fear of OHSS and rupturing my ovary. Um, that sucks. I want 10 follicles! lol... they also said that some people may only get 1 follicle but i said that clomid did that already and i want to boost our odds and injectables are our best bet and bang for our buck (likely $1,000).

Fingers and toes crossed that we win the IVF cycle at the RESOLVE conference this weekend. Or even the meds. Sheesh.

IUI #6

30-35 million post-wash. Still 1 follicle. Hope this works. I'm pushing dh for injectable cycle next month.

Follicle Check today

So - any one in a betting mood? My Clo.mid was doubled these past 2 cycles from 50mg to 100mg. I had the same response last month as I did to the 50mg: 2 follicles.

We want at least double that!!! Both were on the right side last month with the probably screwed up tube so this month...inhale, exhale, we are really really really hoping for more than 2 follicles and that at least one if not a majority are on the left side.

I will still be TELLING, not ASKING for an injectable cycle next month if this doesn't work. We have to be more aggressive. Also, if this month is a bust, I'm calling the IVF clinic to get us in.

My cousin's wedding is in August. We will HAVE to start IVF by then. I don't want to be doing injections or traveling during a cycle or in the 2ww. I also don't want to be needing to do betas or ultrasounds while I'm in, of all places, freaking Arkansas. No offense to ANYONE from Arkansas. But that's pretty far away for an IFer to be needing her daily fix of the following: betas, poas-ing, progesterone suppositories, ultrasounds or immediate access to her doctor.

So. Either I will be sailing through pregnancy during this wedding trip or we will take a break that month. I will not be psyched about option #2.

I know. It's five months away. Things can change. But I'm a planner! And with that deadline fast approaching, we need to do something.