Did I Mention 2010 Will Be The Year?

So I've been obsessively testing since 9 dpo. Yes I'm nuts. DH and I thought we saw a faint BFP on Monday night on a Clear Blue Easy non-digital and an E.P.T. but I think they were bleed lines b/c nothing else has come close to a BFP since then. I've used a FRER, internet cheapies, Dollar Tree tests and more CBE and EPTs. No dice.

That's fine - AF is supposed to show by New Year's Eve or New Year's Day (preferably) so this should be a fun weekend. If AF shows on 1/1/10, then the cycle days would literally be the same as the calendar days, easier to keep track I suppose. Also, January is our only chance to get the coveted 10/10/10 due date!!!! lol...doesn't mean it'll happen but it'd be so cool. Finally, once DH has his surgery we may be kind of screwed with any IUIs for awhile. If January's doesn't work then we'll definitely do one in Febuary, but we will probably do a s/a in March before doing another one. We'll do clomid in March for sure, but definitely a se.men analysis before an IUI in March just so we aren't wasting one of the 6 that are covered. We've used three so Jan-Mar woudl be our last chances to have the 50% coverage by insurance. Yeah, only 50% is covered. But DH believes that it'll happen this year for sure w/out IVF so I told him that if i'm not pregnant by the end of the year that we're going to start IVF. I'm not waiting anymore. Also, about 74 days after his surgery - or April-ish - his count will likely plummet and won't recover for another 74 days. So we basically lose at least 2 cycles this year if not 3. Yay, right? So we only have 9 months in 2010 to get knocked up and stay that way. No pressure, right?

One Month after BFP - 2 1/2 Weeks Post EP Surgery

Beta on 12/10/09: 3
We got the green light - it's bunny time!

I got a positive OPK last night. FINALLY. And this afternoon. Yes. I took one at work. It's currently in my sweater pocket. B/c it looks like an HPT, I have to hide it so nobody finds it/sees it and thinks i'm pregnant. Or if someone figures out what it is I will be quite red-faced.
This afternoon I have been feeling quite a bit of pressure/pain in my right ovary area and then under my belly button (that spot probably b/c of the buttoned pants I'm wearing toady; I've been unbuttoning my pants since the surgery), and my lower back.
Thus, I think I'm ovulating today/tonight/tomorrow. Dh and I have been bd-ing every other day since last wednesday just in case. Since it appears I am actually popping out an egg in the next several hours, we're going to "hit it" hard tonight and tomorrow for sure.
Maybe it'll work. Maybe I'll have another ectopic. Maybe we'll actually get a live baby in nine months. No clue. But I'm excited for the possibility. At least we didn't have to wait 3 months like the other/fired doc was going to make us wait and at least dh has a healthy/normal (kind of) count for us to try with unlike what happened in March. We tried for three months after March, oh yes we did. But with very little swimmers that actually knew where they were going, it clearly didn't work. Let's see, the first IUI 3 months after dh started taking Clomid, we got pregnant. Duh. Obviously it worked and his swimmers got a clue. So, since we've got some good ones till about 74 days after dh's ACL surgery 1/28/10, we have got to go at this hard until the count drops off. THEN we'll have to wait 74 more days after that till they go back to normal-ish...for him. You know what I mean.

But I feel confident that we WILL get pregnant and STAY pregnant in 2010. Dammit. Or else. You hear me future baby/babies?!?!? You will sit and you will stay in the right place until it's time to come out. Grrr.

I'm happy. I am in total love with my husband. We are okay. We got a new TV and a Wii for Christmas. Instead of an exchange we decided to get those things. The Wii's not yet set up, we're pretty 'tarded when it comes to that kind of stuff and we want to wait for our NEW COUCH to arrive! We got a sectional that I call "the butt couch" b/c it has little cushions all over it so i think it looks like it's got butts on it. Dh doesn't agree but we both like that it's beyond comfortable (our current couches are hand-me-downs from my parents and I think the couches are 15 years old), and has massagers on both sides of the sectional! We got two couches that are three-seaters and then the middle triangle thingy. I never wanted a sectional but I ended up falling in love with this one. Each side has a little cooler in it too under the middle seat so how neat is that! The couch is to be delivered on New Year's Eve (not entirely convenient but we'll work with it) and they'll take our crappy couches and horrible recliner. We're counting the days.

We'll find out by New Year's Eve or New Year's Day if I'm knocked up. If it didn't work, then I get to start Clomid by day 3 (if I can't reach the doctor, I'll just take Eric's and then replace his with the Rx that I get - this really works out, being on the same fertility meds) and then we'll do IUI #4 by the 15th or 16th. I'll find out if I'm knocked by Dh's ACL surgery (probably do beta the morning of the surgery) so, that's all good stuff! I'm super excited for the next six weeks. I really really really hope it works before April (when DH's sperm go to sh*t). As long as it works before April, we'll have our baby in 2010. Hopefully.

Dr. Google Is Not Helping

So I have googled the crap out of a question I have. Not much on answers. I just want to know when I will ovulate now. We are not waiting a cycle to try b/c DH has ACL surgery at the end of January so we don't want to waste a possible cycle. It's been over 2 weeks since the surgery and my count has been under 100 since then as well so my body should be getting ready to ovulate.
*TMI Alert*
I've had a TON of ewcm lately. Like gobs. Not typical for me. So I've been using my leftover opks to figure out what's going on and we've been bd-ing every other day since last Wednesday. I should ovulate this week based on what's going on "down there" as it comes about 3-4 days after the ewcm for some strange reason. The opks aren't getting darker yet but i figure they will in the next couple of days. I only have one left though so I have to decide whether to use it tonight or wait until Tuesday. I have a bunch (30) coming from Ebay but the seller shipped on 12/6/09 and I still don't have them so if I use the last one I have then I'll have to go buy some at the store and they're a bit costly...but if it helps us conceive this month then they'd be worth it right? A long-time TTC-er will spend money on some pretty crazy stuff so nothing I buy that's related will surprise DH.

Luckily my cycle should play out for January (if this December trainwreck doesn't end in a BFP) works out for the IUI to be mid-month so that maybe I can get a beta before or during DH's surgery.

Also, his urologist and I exchanged emails last week and he said that the surgery shouldn't impact DH's sperm until about 74-90 days after surgery. So we'll keep doing the IUIs until then which works out fine. But how, logistically, will DH and I "do it" at home if he's laid up (lol, no pun intended) with a bum knee? Yes, all mental images aside folks, I will have to do all the work. I'd rather do that then "take a break". Besides, if our efforts fail, then we'll be "taking a break/doing it on our own" for three months after the bad sperm kick in until they come back after another sperm cycle. Bummer huh? So we've got December, January, February, March and April (maybe) to get pregnant. No pressure right?

Smack in the face

i knew the betas sucked. i convinced myself that i was at the low end of normal but i knew. it was ectopic. ruptured day after thanksgiving. took four hours of pain quickly intensifying to get me to announce (in choked tears) that something was "wrong" and that we needed to see a doctor immediately. went to local (small town) ER. they were confused, couldn't give me pain meds. sent me to "big city" ER. they didn't get the memo from local ER so there was some confusion at first but soon i got pain meds, lovely, then an u/s which confirmed no sac, nothing in uterus. lots of free-flowing blood though. my favorite doc was on call, told me i had ectopic. apparently beta was around 450 or so. that monday it'd been 131. if my dang doctor had just ran one more frigging beta she would have seen the problem. anyways, i went in for emergency laproscopic surgery. they saved my tube. stayed overnight at hospital. dh took amazing care of me for the past week. i'm back at work today, still quite sore. refused to have the rest of the stitches out after first one hurt like a bi*ch.

but i'm not depressed and hiding this time. dh's count is nearly normal now. the motility is grade 4. i just know that we'll get pregnant again. he has to have ACL surgery soon so we only have a couple of months to try. we'll do it on our own this month and once i get af, i'll call my new doctor, the one from the hospital (same department, just a different doc) and i'll start a clomid/iui cycle again. We'll go for IUI #4. i feel good about it. even if it doesn't work, we'll keep trying.

now SIL and BIL are trying. in a sick way i still dont want to be 2nd to them. my little/only brother had a kid before me and if SIL (younger) has one too i'll be pissed. i'm terrible. but i'm not depressed anymore.