Tuesday, June 8, 2010

I'm Pathetic

Yesterday...6pm. Feeling cranky, wondering if it's legit or hormone-based. Felt boobs. They were sensitive. I've felt crampy lately.  Remembered I had 3 Dollar Tree Ovulation tests in my car along with 4 Dollar Tree HPTs. Decided to take an internet cheapie OPK. It was blazingly positive. 2 thoughts ran through my mind: (1) how am I ovulating 3 weeks after the d&c? I thought it'd be 2 weeks and I'm supposed to get AF this Friday b/c it'll have been 4 weeks since the surgery.... (2) holy shit what if I'm pregnant again ALREADY?

So I got an EPT out...kept it in the package. Doubted that I'm pregnant even though we BD'd (finally) 2 weeks after surgery. Ran down to car to get boxes of tests, DH stared at me, asked what I was doing. I said, "nothing" and ran back upstairs. Desperately tried to pee again. Got enough for an HPT and an OPK.

Guess which was positive?

....the OPK. Scared ya didn't I?

I squinted at the negative HPT (which had a fricking evap line) and told myself I was a sad, sad loser and shouldn't even be pregnant yet b/c my body needs to reset.

Then I said that I didn't care and decided to try to get pregnant again. Already. Even though our chromosome tests are on their way to the M.ay.o Clinic.

Needless to say, I'm trying to have an "oops" baby. I'm sick. I'm trying to punish myself. Why can't I just enjoy the 2 months off?

Because it's been my life to TTC for the past 33 months straight. I've been pregnant 4 times. Something's gotta stick one of these days.

Sigh. At least (TMI) our sex life is back on track. For now.


Lindsay said...

((hugs)) You're not pathetic.

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I Can't Control Everything | Desenvolvido por EMPORIUM DIGITAL