One Month Later

You know I follow everyone every day. I write blog entries in my head on a daily basis. But for the last month I haven't entered them. Bad stuff happened, but not that bad.

-IUI was cancelled the day of because even though I got FOUR beautiful follicles and a perfect OPK, DH suddenly had retrograde ejaculation. The microscope ironically showed only four sperm. No not four million, four hundred thousand. Four. And they weren't even moving. Panic ensued.

-Tried on our own that month. Waste of time. BFN.

-Day of cancelled IUI (which we chose by the way, Dr. B suggested postponing till the next day but we figured we'd missed the optimal window and out of pocket didn't seem like the best plan) I called the St. Louis clinic and scheduled the phone consult for exactly the same day I wanted it 9/15.

-Phone consult was awesome. I like Dr. S very much. He said I should get another HSG (gasp!) b/c of the ectopic and subsequent emergency lap to remove it last November. I've been diagnosed with hydrosalpinx this year already and they can significantly lower the chance at successful IVF. He'd rather clear them with an HSG then remove them b/c I still can get pregnant on my own, just a slim chance of that happening.

-"Celebrated" my 28th birthday 9/16. Woot. Depressed, cried myself to sleep. You know why so I don't even have to explain it.

-Ordered 2 cat trees, got one free. I'm a cat lady. And will be one for halloween. Also thinking of using my Price Is Right nametag with cat lady costume to be a cat lady who is a contestant on the price is right. Funny, no?

-Somehow got dream-date of 10/15 for consult but it got bumped to 10/16 (saturday) so that the HSG could be on Friday 10/15. 6 hour drive to St. Louis is scheduled and hotel room is booked.

-DH realizes that we would be making dozens of trips to St. Louis and back in may 2005 Suzuki Forenza (see: clown car for tall people) and freaked out.......we are in the middle of purchasing a 2009 Chevy Traverse. We are now happy.

-Daily panic attacks about another HSG (torture I tell you!) and have convinced Dr. B to give me Lortab (his med choice, not mine) but I'll only get 2. So I begged Dr. S's nurse for meds too. I'm a bad bad girl. But I think it will work. I want to drug myself so that I'm out of it and can get through the procedure without screaming again. It freaks people out.

-DH said yesterday that I have zero pain tolerance compared to him so when I'm in extreme pain now it doesn't really make him nervous - that I'm probably blowing the HSG out of proportion. He also said the miscarriages and treatment are "consequences of our choice to try to have a baby." Result? A huge fight and tears in the car. He still doesn't think he said anything wrong. Am I being too sensitive?

-We are trying on our own this month - laugh. Will find out by 10/11 if it failed. Which it will.

I'm jealous of everyone who is having babies. I have no friends IRL.

I have to go now - I have a stupid golf tournament to play in.

Dammit.