Moving Along

It's CD4. I took my Clomid yesterday. I will take it tonight. And tomorrow. And Tuesday and Wednesday. So...that's about it. No job yet. I have an interview tomorrow afternoon. I have a hair appt in the morning to look awesome. And I need my hair done.

I wish we could just move onto IVF in April or May.

In Other News

Since IF shouldn't be the driving force of my daily existence, I thought I'd share a little more about me, other than the fact that I can't get/stay pregnant.

I come from a blended family of seven. I have three stepsisters and a biological brother. Of my three stepsisters, two are fraternal twins. Just thought I'd throw that out there. So I'm 27, my next sibling, "R", is my 25 year old stepsister, then my brother "G" who is 24, then my twin stepsisters, we'll call them "Kathy" and "Krissy", who are also 24. So we're all pretty darn close in age.

My brother is married to "K" with an "oops" son (my only nephew), and three stepkids. My sister R is getting married next April to her longterm boyfriend, now fiance, so it's been fun to help her plan that. My sister Kathy (we don't call her that but it's the only option to keeping her identity anonymous, as best I can) is about finished with her EMT training. Krissy is police officer whose jerk of a boyfriend sometimes visits her but overall cheats on her and treats her like crap, as well as the rest of the family. We all hate him and hope they never get married.

My mom married my step-dad in 1995 and our family was officially blended. He's my dad though. My "father" is not a part of my life. He is, however, a big part of G's life so I have to deal with that. The good thing is, my father lives in Washington state and I live in Iowa. So I don't have to see him.

Well, the mail is here so I'll go check that out and I need to keep cleaning. I also should go get some groceries so peace out. It was nice not whining about not getting pregnant for five minutes.

And to the lovely ladies who have been supporting me, I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to me. I have NOBODY here I can talk to about any of this and DH is just, well, it's beating a dead horse talking to him. So if I could give you a hug I would - I really mean it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I wish the best for you and anyone reading this - the more babies the better!

Negative - Damn

So all evidence points to another big fat failure. The tests are blindingly negative today. AF will start on Thursday. One more cycle is covered by insurance. Only at 50% though so it's basically another hundred dollars or maybe even two hundred  for more out of pocket so we can't complain.

What to do if it doesn't work though? Frick. IUIs seem to be a waste of time. But without a job or coverage for IVF, it's not sensible to just jump right in. We really need something to go our way. For once.

Nothing Yet

Got up at a decent time, got dressed after taking Dollar Tree hpt again. There wasn't just an imprint line, something screwed up the test, it was all squiggly. So instead of taking another one, I went to the local drug store and got manilla envelopes for mailing job applications and 2 boxes of hpts. One was the cbe-like tests from the store. The others? FRERs. Yeah. So $20 later, I'm home tearing open those suckers like it's Christmas. Negative. I think. The CBE wanna be was inconclusive and the FRER wasn't obvious but I thought I saw something.

It's 12dpiui. I have 2 more days. But as we all know, there should be something there by 13dpiui. That's tomorrow. I have 2 more store-bought tests and about 4 Dollar Tree tests.

Damn. It better work next month. 3/27 will be a very tough day for me (one year since losing our baby at 9 weeks) and I don't know how I'll make it through this year if I don't get pregnant and stay pregnant.

In Limbo

Not much to update. Took the dollar tree hpt this morning, still looked faint but could also be that dang imprint line. I think I'll break down and go buy a test tomorrow at the local drug store. I figure the digital might work by the afternoon (b/c tomorrow's 12dpiui and last year I got a BFP on digital at 12dpo).

We'll see I guess. Trigger should be out by now. Oh, I've been taking OPKs since yesterday and they got darker. I thought that's what happened last month too but BFN so we'll see. If something changes either way I'll post...

Testing Out Trigger...

Dollar Tree HPTs suck and are awesome. They suck b/c they have an imprint line so a faint positive and an imprint shadow look like the same thing. I have 3 digitals left. I will do one tomorrow if the dollar tree test looks darker than it does today. But, the digital 12dpt was negative last month so if the dollar tree test is decent, then I'll waste a digital tomorrow.

Way to rationalize your poas obsession Christa. Wow.

I cheated and took one on Thursday instead of waiting for Friday. Good thing though b/c it was a faint/dark positive so I can work off of that one. I have also discovered that an HPT taken at 12:30pm has the best result and that first morning pee sucks for me.

So, I will do my best to avoid pharmacies and drug stores over the next 24 hours b/c I really really really want to go buy some FRERs and CBEs. I trust them over Dollar Tree tests when it comes to early (obsessive) testing.

Tomorrow is 11dpiui. I figure the real results will start showing by then or Monday at the latest. I had a dream the other night that AF started. Damn...I'll keep all you blog stalkers posted.

*Also - I watched "All About Steve" last night with DH. Funniest/most creative term for coke? "Booger Sugar".

Pregnant women are smug :)

I couldn't help it - no offense to anyone but this how I feel about those who get pregnant without dealing with IF. Not about all of those women, just those who act like this...

Holding Back The Urge

I'm waiting till Friday to test. I just have to keep telling myself that. One year, about to the day that I found out I was pregnant (2/20/09)...I must test on Friday. That way if the trigger is out, then Saturday (2/20/10) might be positive. If the trigger is not out till 12dpt (next monday the 22nd) then I must test it out...I figure that if I get a positive on a digital by next Monday, then I'm golden. DH is buying my 10 Dollar Tree hpts today or tomorrow. I wanted to buy them yesterday when I was in town but I resisted. Otherwise I would have used them by now. Silly, obsessed, poas-addict. Sigh.

Well, back to cleaning the house. Counting down the days....I am testing Friday a.m.....but knowing me I'll probably test in the a.m. and p.m. So maybe he should get me 20 tests....lol. OK not very funny.

Worst case scenario? I use them up by next Tuesday. But I have digitals left. A positive on 14dpt/13dpiui is legit. 50+ hcg at that point.

Countdown:
Wed 2/17/10 - 8dpt/7dpiui
Thu  2/18/10 - 9dpt/8dpiui
Fri   2/19/10 - 10dpt/9dpiui
Sat 2/20/10 - 11dpt/10dpiui
Sun 2/21/10 - 12dpt/11dpiui (trigger should be out by today)
Mon 2/22/10 - 13dpt/12dpiui (result should be final by this point, positive or negative)
Tue 2/23/10 - 14dpt/13dpiui (beta?)
Wed 2/24/10 - 15dpt/14dpiui (beta?)
Thu 2/25/10 - AF due/Beta?

Please let this cycle work.

Follow Up With Urologist

Here were the stats on the s/a (which doesn't include morphology so why do we bother but whatever):

100 million overall count
35% motility (down from 51% in November 09)
35 million total motile

The doc said that DH can stay on the Clomid but only for about a year to 18 months. That puts our deadline starting around August to February 2011. The doc said that if we want to use our last covered IUI then that's fine but he's done all he can with DH and recommended IVF. He left the room to make a copy and that's when DH was all, "Well I guess we might do that in the next 8-10 months but you'll have to have a job. Besides we really can't afford it." To which I replied/freaked out by saying, "Um, no. We've been trying too long and clearly there is something wrong with me and if this IUI or March's IUI results in resounding failure, and as long as I have a job at that time, I'm making us another IVF consult appt. Except this time we won't cancel it (due to ectopic)." 

So: personal timeline - Feb IUI (in the works); March IUI (#6 and last one covered). We talked about it afterwards and agreed that the first two IUIs were a waste with 2 million post wash and one had a cyst, not a follicle. So we'll probably do 2 more IUIs out of pocket. By May, if there no success, we'll do an IVF consult.

I'm at peace with that plan. However, 3/27 is coming up. It's the anniversary of my miscarriage from last year (9 weeks) and our only non-chemical/non-ectopic pregnancy and since I made it through the last year by promising myself I'd be pregnant by that date, I'm feeling a bit of pressure.

Oh, and I had a job interview today. We'll see if I get the job. I'll find out in about 2 weeks, maybe a month. At least I had an interview. Only took 6 weeks to get one.

PUPO

I am Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise as of today. I have ovulated and the eggs only last 18-24 hours and since I had my shot on Tuesday, time is up. I start my progesterone supps tomorrow morning (yay) and wait until next Friday to start testing out the trigger. I swear I will wait this time b/c I wasted HPTs from 7dpiui-10dpiui and the trigger wasn't out till 11dpiui. So next friday is 10dpt, 9dpiui. I will use dollar tree hpts b/c I didn't buy any internet cheapies or discount CBEs or FRERs on Ebay this time. Unemployed/laid off, can't afford it.

I purposely didn't buy any tests yesterday when I was at the Dollar Tree so that I wouldn't be tempted next week. I will go into town next Thursday and buy 10. Yes 10. I'm a nut.

BTW I was up with DH last night lamenting our pathetic excuse for a sex life b/c we've had to "schedule" bd-ing for over 2 years now so it's pretty hard to be "spontaneous" when we know we have to "do it". He said that he hopes that this cycle is a resounding success or a monumental failure so that we can have a chance to go back to the way things used to be. Silly boy. He has no idea that things will never go back to how they were in college or before we started TTC-ing/got married. But I do agree that it would be nice to only BD when we were "in the mood" instead of "following the schedule".

It's hard to feel sexy when you enter the room with a tube of Preseed and a pillow. LOL.....

Sidenote

I've mentioned SIL before, how she and her husband are now TTC, and how I feel about all of that.

Guess what? They got locked up this past weekend for public intox!  Her husband already had an OWI a few years ago too. They are not ready for a baby.

She still smokes and drinks (heavily, obviously) and says she'll quit when she gets pregnant. Basically they think what's happened to us won't happen to them. Jerks.

Well I think she has PCOS and that her husband has a low sperm count. Good luck a**holes!

Normal Sperm Count!!!

35 million post-wash. That was the answer from the doc about an hour ago. Are you kidding me!!!!????

IUI #1: 2 million post-wash, BFN
IUI #2: 2 million post-wash, BFN
IUI #3: 8 million post-wash, BFP (ectopic)
IUI #4: 15 million post-wash, BFN
IUI #5: 35 million post wash, ????

Nuts! Just absolute pandemonium in the exam room for us today (well, not really pandemonium, more high-fives and smiles really)...my doc's office wants 20+ million post-wash to consider it "normal". I believe this would be a situation where DH would be an overachevier.

Who knows folks? This might be the one? Dr. E (a sub b/c Dr. B was delivering babies) was very nice and quite positive so we felt really good when it was all done. I did tell DH though - "this room smells like sex" and laughed when I was getting dressed. He laughed. It didn't smell like anything but alcohol wipes but I thought it was funny.

2 follicles. 35 million sperm. Game on infertility.

Ultrasound results

2 follicles (I know - only 2???) on the right ovary. One is 28.3mm and the other is 17mm. I got triggered around 10:30am. The IUI (#5) is tomorrow around 3pm. I wish my doc did the IUIs 36 hrs after trigger but oh well. I do what my coverage allows. But the giant follicle indicates I may ovulate tomorrow anyhow...I took an OPK this morning and it was not positive so who knows? But I haven't had a follie this big in FOREVER!

Dr. B isn't available for the IUI tomorrow so I'll probably get another doc. I doubt and hope it's not Dr. M (the one I "fired" after the ectopic last November). Awkward!

Great Expectations

Random thoughts -

I want to apply to the Sheriff's Dept or State Patrol if I don't get pregnant by March. That way I can do the 12 week academy and take a TTC break. DH's sperm will suck for about 3 months after our March cycle. Logic problem? TTC break will allow SIL to get pregnant before us. Full on panic will ensue.

There better be at least 2 follicles at my Tuesday u/s. The doubled Clo.mid resulted in worse mood swings and plenty of night sweats/hot flashes. Also we MUST GET PREGNANT by March so that it's before the 3/27 deadline of our 9 week loss of last year which I promised myself I would be pregnant or have a baby on that date; and our insurance only covers 2 more IUIs at 50%. After that it'll cost a pretty penny to have more. These were lifetime coverages.

I must find a job that has IF coverage b/c our current coverage, as I said before, is running out.

Panic is already setting in on the job front - not one interview in 30+ days of unemployment. Severance ran out on Friday. Unemployment "benefits" are 50% of what I was making. Damn economy.

I'll give the update on Tuesday once I get the follicle results.

Status

Almost done with the Clo.mid. The mood swings and hot flashes are here and making themselves known. Unavoidable.

IUI is next week!!!! I'm starting to get hopeful again. I was so down in the dumps when AF showed. Now that things are changing (increased meds) it makes me want to think positively...so I'm trying.

DH is fine still - I'm sure it sounds awful but I'm tired of being nursemaid. Hopefully he can kind of BD next week. TMI but it's been awhile!!!

Set Them Straight

Called Drs office this morning to reschedule my u/s b/c they're all idiots.
Conversation:

Me: I was just calling to find out why my u/s is on CD14 instead of CD13 per the usual appt day.
Nurse: It is on CD14.
Me: No...let's count off the days. Thursday January the 28th was CD1. Then we go Friday is CD2, Saturday is CD3, Sunday is CD4-
Nurse: -oh I see what happened, January 31st was overlooked. Gee it's so close to the 1st...
(at this point I was wondering how in the world anyone in this department is legally allowed to treat anyone, medically....or drive, walk, breathe, etc. Can no one read a calendar!?!?)
Me: Yeah, this isn't the first time it's happened.
Nurse: Okay so we'll set you up for Tuesday February 9th. 10:30 am okay?
Me: Yes thank you very much.

I'm surrounded by morons. I swear. If I wasn't paying attention to my cycles, days, etc, I can only imagine how much time and money I would have wasted in letting my dr's office screw things up. And should I wager that I'd still have to pay all the bills? Yes...I would. Jerks.