Moving On

My fake silver cap on my nub of a baby tooth is feeling pretty good. I get the crown put on December 1st, so I have to chew on the left side of my mouth till then. Fun. And right around my favorite holiday - halloween. No I don't love it for the dressing up and spooky spirit, just the candy. I have a pretty bad candy addiction and it's been a problem since my first taste of candy when I was a small child. I wonder if there's rehab for candy addicts. There should be a dentist on-site...don't you think?

I believe I got a positive OPK yesterday, putting AF's arrival exactly two weeks from yesterday or today. I don't know if Dr. S will want me to come down St. Louis on CD3 or early in my cycle for an antral follicle count or if he'll do it any time around the end or beginning of my cycle? I confirmed with the IVF nurse yesterday that I will start BCPs when I get AF so that's super exciting!

I have to stay positive that this IVF will work - I have been pregnant 4 times, my uterus is looking excellent and the mild endo shouldn't affect anything. It's a matter of staying pregnant that's scary. I hope the prednisone/heparin/baby aspririn/progesterone(PIO) will work! I sure won't be in the running for a bikini contest after months of injections though!

Finally, can anyone direct me to a website or pharmacy who has very low prices on IVF meds? I don't know what they'll want me on yet, but I'm hoping that we can get all our meds for less than $1000. Is this possible? I think I'll be on Lupron and since I already have all the Repronex I need, I was told I will also need Follistim. I don't know if I'll need Ovidrel, but it looks affordable.

And if anyone knows of anyone who has leftover but non-expired meds, please send them my way. Thanks!!!!

Just think - if this IVF happens in January 2011 and we get a kid out of it, I'll be a mom by this time next year!!!!

You've Gotta Be Kidding Me!

So yesterday, a chunk of one of my molars broke off. It happens to be one of my 2 baby teeth.

No, I'm not kidding, I have 2 baby teeth as the adult/permanent teeth never developed.

I had to have an emergency crown repair to the tooth last night after work; well, the silver cap is on, and my permanent crown will be put in place December 1st.

Due to my severe dental anxiety, I had a bit of a panic attack thanks to necessary shots in the ROOF OF MY MOUTH and upper back gum line. I took a Xanax (which I'd gotten for my HSG but didn't use b/c of it's postponement) right before the shots so it didn't kick in till about 10 minutes into the procedure. I cried, shook uncontrollably, and hyperventilated.

I'm 28 years old and not a drama-queen/hypochondriac.  I've just had a ton of (painful and extensive) dental work done in my life and I can't handle it as well as some people.

I listened to Pandora on my Droid phone and tried to calm down during the drilling and jabbing of things into my mouth. Concentrated on keeping my mouth open as wide as I could, etc. They kept wiping tears off my face, so that was nice. But the cost was $1,000.

Are you kidding me? Like we didn't have urgent need for any cash we have for my recent (financed) surgery or upcoming IVF?

I wanted to say my day sucked, that my life sucked.

But I know there are people out there with much worse lives or situations so I felt guilty even thinking that.

But my day was not at all enjoyable. I got home, took a demerol and went to bed.

I will at least say that I had a severe case of the Mondays.

10 Days Later

Has it only been ten days since my last post? Amazing.

I'll give you the rundown:

HSG was postponed b/c AF didn't show till 10/15 due to massively late ovulation.
Had consult on Saturday 10/16 - we love Dr. S! Can't wait to get started.
Dr. S wants following tests/labs/procedures done before we start:

DH: S/A and Hemoglobin A1C (to check for diabetes).
Christa: CD3 FSH and Estradiol; Hysteroscopy w/ HSG to see if tubes are open and if there's any scar tissue; find out Antral-Follicle Count from first IVF consult in April, AMH test.

Here's what we have accomplished since LAST SATURDAY:
DH: S/A done. Count has plummeted to total 16 million with 50% motility and a high pH. No morph count in yet. Hemoglobin A1C: 5.4, supposed to be between 4-6. Unfortunately his Glucose came back at 108. Cutoff is 99.

Christa: FSH 7.9, Estradiol 21. Both normal. AMH test sent to Mayo Clinic for results.
Hysteroscopy w/ Laparoscopy for Tubal Dye Study completed on Thursday 10/21/10. Still recovering.

Guess what they found when they were poking more holes in me? Fucking Endometriosis. Yep. Stage I-II. I've never had it before and Dr. B (who did this procedure too) looked for it last November during the Laparoscopic surgery to repair my ruptured tube from the ectopic pregnancy. He showed me pictures last November: no endo.

Suddenly, I have three spots of endo!?!?! What the hell!?

It shouldn't cause IVF to be cancelled, right? Dr. S will just have me on Lupron, right?

I'm kind of freaking out. But at the same time, my tubes are open and we've run all the tests we can run....We're doing ICSI but DH's count drop is not good, that's for sure.

Sorry I took so long to post, it's been a crazy week.

But we've put money down with the clinic and we're scheduled for a January retrieval date! Dr. S said this cycle is a "Testing Cycle" and that I'll start BCPs when I get AF next month, likely mid-November. We'll go back downt to STL to set up the calendar and for him to do an U/S and we'll be able to finalize everything.

That's where we're at.

Hey - anyone puke after Hysteroscopy and/or Lap? I started puking today!

Smiles and Grrrs

So - quick updates:

AF is not here yet.
She won't be till tomorrow or Friday b/c I didn't ovulate until CD18 or CD19 (wtf is up with that too?). Today is CD32. All BFNs but I swore the last 3 days I was knocked up. But it was wishful thinking.
Email from awesome nurse at IVF clinic included the following: an HSG before bleeding has ended can cause endo. Huh? Well I'll believe her. My doctorate in GoogleIVF isn't as prestigious as her nursing degree and years of experience in IVF. So the HSG for this Friday will likely be cancelled as of tomorrow and I'll try to get one in next week locally so as not to derail everything. She also said a retrieval will likely happen in JANUARY. Um, my psychotic need to schedule everything has an expectation of a retrieval in early December. Dangit. We'll straighten this all out on Saturday because the doc will either put me on about 20 days of BCPs or 40. 40???? That's a lot.

So help from you IVF ladies? If CD1 is this Friday, and I have the HSG next week, what do you think he'd do based on your experiences? Do you really think that it'll get dragged out for all of November and stims in late December?

As for my life outside TTC, I had 3 cat trees/condo/towers delivered and assembled as of last Saturday morning and they are too cute! Pictures are coming, I just need to take some of the last 2 we assembled.

And finally, I have added 3 new blogs for your reading (and drooling) pleasure:

http://epicute.icanhascheezburger.com/
http://bakeitinacake.com/
http://prettyprettyyumyum.wordpress.com/

For someone like me who has a sweet tooth that surprisingly hasn't caused diabetes or complete tooth rot yet, these sites made me smile this morning and I can't wait to see all the new delicious creations they show us!

Question

Is there something wrong with me in that because I wore a dress (and heels) to work today that it's not only a big deal for me but at the same time a huge hassle but I still feel like a grown-up and quite sexy?

This dress - with similar heels - and curly hair

We're going to "Wicked" tonight in Madison and since we live a 1/2 hr in the opposite direction and changing into a dress after 9 hours of work is a pain in the a**, I wore it today. With a little black mini-sweater b/c it's chilly in here and I hate my arms.

And to prove I'm not a proper grown-up, I'm wearing a black tennis skirt with shorts in them b/c I don't own a slip. And I would prefer shorts on because whenever I wear a dress (with the exception of my wedding dress, and even then I think this happened) people see my panties.

Luckily for me, I was walking with DH past VS (you know what this store is....do I need to say it?) after buying my dress and I walked in with him, to his surprise. I said he could pick out a pair of panties or a thong for me. He turned all red and the excitement must've gotten the better of him, he just told me to pick something out and he'd be cool with it.

Did you know that VS took out all XL sizes from their stores? Unreal. A very helpful and nice but overweight gal working there gave me the complaint line information and said that they might bring them back if more people complaint.

Turns out, I found a buried XL but 2 Ls fit me. So I feel pretty good about that.

In TTC (torture-tested christa) news, it's 8dpo. Nips are getting kinda sensitive. Slight nausea.

I think my diet (a crappy one) is to blame for most everything.

Finally, another question: is it bad that I can't sleep at night without 2 Benadryls? A Benadryl dosage is the exact same as an OTC sleeping pill dosage and each only has one ingredient, the same ingredient, Diphenhydramine. Sad and strange that if I needed benadryl for actual allergies, it'd completely knock me out because it's a sleeping pill.

Finally

Okay so last night I tested with yet another OPK. Positive.

Had some baby-makin' time with DH to hopefully save the $10k+ cost of IVF. Fingers crossed. We'll give 'er another go tonight and/or tomorrow.

Tested again this morning and the test line was darker than the control line. I guess I'm REALLY ovulating. The pinching pain on my right side made me curious about that yesterday.

I have prescriptions from both Dr. S in St. Louis and Dr. B here locally for pain and panic control for the HSG. Don't worry, I'll talk to the pharmacist when I pick them up as to interaction issues, what and how much I can/should take, etc.

As of today I have health coverage. After going without since 9/12, I was quite nervous. It still doesn't cover IVF. Dangit.

Last night DH and I ran errands after work. One stop was at a local drug store. He was looking in the clearance bin for deodorant (don't ask) when I walked up to him with a bottle of Malibu - Pineapple flavor, a bottle of Riesling, and a bottle of sleeping pills. He seemed concerned when he put the items together but I assured him that they're all separate and no I don't want to take them all together. Sheesh.

DH and I argued a lot last night, just pissy stuff. When we were going to bed it came to a head and we both vented a lot. He started crying when I said that all I want to do is be at home 24/7 in my sweats and just stay there all the time, not doing anything. He said he sees that in me and it scares him that he can't do anything about it. I said that I'm miserable and I want everyone around me to be miserable too. He can't drink and hasn't since July '09, save for a couple of beers every other week. He said he's sick of not having any friends. I said that all the friends he had ditched him when he stopped (binge) drinking with them on the weekends so they probably weren't that great of friends. I also acknowledged that I've pushed away all former friends who have babies because I can't emotionally handle being around them and he said that he wishes we could hang out with people more. I told him it's still self-preservation and he has his own softball team, golf league(s) and other activities that keep him social without me.

I know I probably have been a bit depressed for the past three years, but it's not debilitating and I'm surviving so I'm not planning on doing anything about it. Unless IVF #1 fails. Then I think I'll probably derail.