Finally

Okay so last night I tested with yet another OPK. Positive.

Had some baby-makin' time with DH to hopefully save the $10k+ cost of IVF. Fingers crossed. We'll give 'er another go tonight and/or tomorrow.

Tested again this morning and the test line was darker than the control line. I guess I'm REALLY ovulating. The pinching pain on my right side made me curious about that yesterday.

I have prescriptions from both Dr. S in St. Louis and Dr. B here locally for pain and panic control for the HSG. Don't worry, I'll talk to the pharmacist when I pick them up as to interaction issues, what and how much I can/should take, etc.

As of today I have health coverage. After going without since 9/12, I was quite nervous. It still doesn't cover IVF. Dangit.

Last night DH and I ran errands after work. One stop was at a local drug store. He was looking in the clearance bin for deodorant (don't ask) when I walked up to him with a bottle of Malibu - Pineapple flavor, a bottle of Riesling, and a bottle of sleeping pills. He seemed concerned when he put the items together but I assured him that they're all separate and no I don't want to take them all together. Sheesh.

DH and I argued a lot last night, just pissy stuff. When we were going to bed it came to a head and we both vented a lot. He started crying when I said that all I want to do is be at home 24/7 in my sweats and just stay there all the time, not doing anything. He said he sees that in me and it scares him that he can't do anything about it. I said that I'm miserable and I want everyone around me to be miserable too. He can't drink and hasn't since July '09, save for a couple of beers every other week. He said he's sick of not having any friends. I said that all the friends he had ditched him when he stopped (binge) drinking with them on the weekends so they probably weren't that great of friends. I also acknowledged that I've pushed away all former friends who have babies because I can't emotionally handle being around them and he said that he wishes we could hang out with people more. I told him it's still self-preservation and he has his own softball team, golf league(s) and other activities that keep him social without me.

I know I probably have been a bit depressed for the past three years, but it's not debilitating and I'm surviving so I'm not planning on doing anything about it. Unless IVF #1 fails. Then I think I'll probably derail.