Rock Bottom

Thank you to anyone who commented and is sending supportive thoughts my way. I really have no one but my parents to talk to right now and I do feel blessed to have any support.

We went to counseling on Tuesday evening. The counselor diagnosed DH as a sex addict. I've told him for years I suspected he had a problem but until he started admitting things in that painful hour session, I had no idea how bad off/sick he is.

I had to get him to take steps to rid the house of his porn collection, I canceled Cinemax and HBO. I took the laptop. I asked for his phone.

Wait, you ask, wtf is he doing in your house still? Why are you doing all the work and not him?

1. I'm pregnant and need help with the house.
2. We need another counseling session to work out living arrangements.
3. My kids.

See, right now, if he doesn't hit rock bottom, he won't fully commit to recovery like he says he has. Also, I refuse to allow him to continue the behavior in this house with my daughter here.

He didn't do any work because he has to be told to do everything. He has never been proactive. Also he's a sick bastard.

The future is bleak for him and my kids if he doesn't get help immediately. So my relationship with him right now is, in effect, over for now. But I'm focusing on getting help for him, for my kids' sake. If he steps out of line or slips, he's out of the house or I'll leave with Claire. That's the plan for now. I'm also separating our finances since I don't trust him and if we do split I have to be smart.

How am I? One half a wreck and he other half a momma bear protecting my cubs. The pregnancy is now wearing on me; swollen ankles, hard to walk as my hips are on fire, can't sleep, and the braxton hicks are constant it seems.

Did I mention that I got myself tested for STDs? That was both painful and humiliating but the responsible thing to to.

He says he never slept with anyone, just had a phone affair with sexting and constant texts and photos exchanged. Duh I saw that in the records.

I feel he's lying to keep me here because if he slept with anyone he knows I'll divorce him for sure.

He went to a sex addicts anonymous meeting last night and plans on going two days a week in addition to intensive therapy and marriage counseling. I guess we'll see.

This is not how I wanted to spend the last six or so weeks of pregnancy. The nursery isn't even done. Goddammit.

I'm so angry for me and my baby girls. We don't deserve any of this.

Thanks again for the support. Each comment felt like a hug, honestly.