Ultrasound results

2 follicles (I know - only 2???) on the right ovary. One is 28.3mm and the other is 17mm. I got triggered around 10:30am. The IUI (#5) is tomorrow around 3pm. I wish my doc did the IUIs 36 hrs after trigger but oh well. I do what my coverage allows. But the giant follicle indicates I may ovulate tomorrow anyhow...I took an OPK this morning and it was not positive so who knows? But I haven't had a follie this big in FOREVER!

Dr. B isn't available for the IUI tomorrow so I'll probably get another doc. I doubt and hope it's not Dr. M (the one I "fired" after the ectopic last November). Awkward!

Great Expectations

Random thoughts -

I want to apply to the Sheriff's Dept or State Patrol if I don't get pregnant by March. That way I can do the 12 week academy and take a TTC break. DH's sperm will suck for about 3 months after our March cycle. Logic problem? TTC break will allow SIL to get pregnant before us. Full on panic will ensue.

There better be at least 2 follicles at my Tuesday u/s. The doubled Clo.mid resulted in worse mood swings and plenty of night sweats/hot flashes. Also we MUST GET PREGNANT by March so that it's before the 3/27 deadline of our 9 week loss of last year which I promised myself I would be pregnant or have a baby on that date; and our insurance only covers 2 more IUIs at 50%. After that it'll cost a pretty penny to have more. These were lifetime coverages.

I must find a job that has IF coverage b/c our current coverage, as I said before, is running out.

Panic is already setting in on the job front - not one interview in 30+ days of unemployment. Severance ran out on Friday. Unemployment "benefits" are 50% of what I was making. Damn economy.

I'll give the update on Tuesday once I get the follicle results.

Status

Almost done with the Clo.mid. The mood swings and hot flashes are here and making themselves known. Unavoidable.

IUI is next week!!!! I'm starting to get hopeful again. I was so down in the dumps when AF showed. Now that things are changing (increased meds) it makes me want to think positively...so I'm trying.

DH is fine still - I'm sure it sounds awful but I'm tired of being nursemaid. Hopefully he can kind of BD next week. TMI but it's been awhile!!!

Set Them Straight

Called Drs office this morning to reschedule my u/s b/c they're all idiots.
Conversation:

Me: I was just calling to find out why my u/s is on CD14 instead of CD13 per the usual appt day.
Nurse: It is on CD14.
Me: No...let's count off the days. Thursday January the 28th was CD1. Then we go Friday is CD2, Saturday is CD3, Sunday is CD4-
Nurse: -oh I see what happened, January 31st was overlooked. Gee it's so close to the 1st...
(at this point I was wondering how in the world anyone in this department is legally allowed to treat anyone, medically....or drive, walk, breathe, etc. Can no one read a calendar!?!?)
Me: Yeah, this isn't the first time it's happened.
Nurse: Okay so we'll set you up for Tuesday February 9th. 10:30 am okay?
Me: Yes thank you very much.

I'm surrounded by morons. I swear. If I wasn't paying attention to my cycles, days, etc, I can only imagine how much time and money I would have wasted in letting my dr's office screw things up. And should I wager that I'd still have to pay all the bills? Yes...I would. Jerks.

More Clomid - More Babies?

Dr. B finally doubled my dosage of Clomid. I typically get 1-2 follicles. I am praying for 4+ follicles at my next u/s appt. Am I nuts?

I took my first 2 pills last night. I am counting the days till I get to meet up with the di.ldo cam. I'll take multiples at this point - I am about to lose it.

Oh, did I mention that when I got pregnant last year in February, the date of conception was February 9th? Well for this cycle, the u/s will need to be on 2/9/10. The IUI would be on 2/10/10.

Way to mirror the most wonderful/tragic event in my life. The due date would be 11/4/10. Last year's due date was 11/2/09.

What if it works again? Do you think I'll be freaking out much by the nine week mark? Sigh...

Cycle # ? / IUI #5

I got my appts set up for my u/s and the IUI. Of course they screwed up and set up the u/s for CD 14. It needs to be on CD 13. So I'll go fix that on Monday. Idiots.

The good news is that the Doc finally upped my Clomid to 100mgs!!! We better have several follies in 2 weeks's time.

Game back on.

DH is doing fine. Whiny but fine.

Big Fat Failure

IUI #4 will go down in our history as a massive failure. How the heck does it take 12 frigging days to get the trigger out of my system!

I'm in DH's hospital room right now as he's sleeping after his ACL surgery. The anesthesia made him sick so they gave him anti-nausea meds that have made him super-drowsy.

AF arrived in full force while I was waiting for recovery to FINALLY CALL ME AFTER TWO HOURS...jerks. I started freaking b/c he was supposed to be out of recovery and 2 hours later they finally call to tell me they were keeping him longer b/c he was puking.

So cramping is major bad - took four Aleve. Suck it "directions on the bottle". I take four. It better work. I am in so much pain that I want to crawl into bed and sleep through CD1-CD3 b/c of the cramps. But I cant. I got maybe 3 hours of sleep last night. DH's been sleeping for basically the last seven hours and I'm about to pass out.

I called Dr. B's office to let them know I need my clomid refilled for this next cycle (who knows what cycle we're on - it's nearing thirty though) and I officially asked to increase it from 50mg b/c we need as many follicles as we can get for these last two IUIs that are covered under insurance.

I'm waiting for a call back from the nurse who said she'd talk to Dr. B about it. I'll take anything - even injectables! Give me a baby!!!

I Think I'm Out

Dollar tree was negative this morning. The EPT seemed to have a faint positive but i'll test again this afternoon because i'm crazy....then I'll test again tomorrow. If it's negative tomorrow then I'll know I'm out. Oh well - like I'd ever get lucky enough to actually get pregnant when I really need to.

Is It the Trigger???

11 days past trigger, 10dpiui. Faintest BFP but it's there on internet cheapie and a dollar tree test. I've tested every day since 7 days past trigger and they're all positive, just getting a little fainter each day (FRER positive yesterday mid-day). I'm nuts. Maybe it's real. Maybe it's still the trigger. If I get a BFN tomorrow then I'll know for sure. But if not then I'll start actually getting excited. Then I will wonder if its twins. Lol.  

I'd post pictures but if anyone reads this they've seen what I'm seeing. If I get a BFP on a digital - I will post it.

I Am Pathetic

I lied about testing out the trigger starting this upcoming Friday. I started on Sunday. 5dpt. What the hell is wrong with me? I used a dollar tree test on Sunday, then yesterday (I took Monday off somehow) an internet cheapie. Still positive. Hmm. Okay so I took one today. It's identical to yesterday's positive. Today is 8dpt, 7dpiui.

I'm sick - because it's not lighter, I somehow have convinced myself that it'll stay positive past the 10dpt mark, then keep right on trucking to a positive digital test. Just like the ectopic in November but this time not ectopic.

I really really really want Dr. B to get me an u/s right away so that we can see a gestational sac in the uterus.

See what I'm doing to myself? There should be a special medication for TTC-ers in the 2ww.

Also - watched "Julie & Julia" last night with DH. It was great. I felt bad for "Julie" because "Julia" didn't like her blog; didn't think she was a serious cook or something. Well I googled the crap out of both of them and turns out "Julie" got a book deal (duh) and then she had an affair with someone at the publishing company and then wrote a book about that. I am no longer a "Julie" fan but I still am a big "Julia" fan.

If you're confused, please comment - it'd be nice to hear from someone.    Anyone.......

Not Much to Say...

I'm freaking out about being laid off. I hear about upcoming openings at great companies but they won't be posted for a couple of weeks. I don't have much time left in the severance pay. I can't afford to only have unemployment unless we get our W2s in soon so we can get our refund. MIL told me the other day that we shouldn't get pregnant while I'm laid off. LOL. If she only knew. It'd be stupid to take a break now. I've thought of going the route of law enforcement - 3 months of the academy. Then what? Get pregnant and have kids? That's not going to work into anyone's schedule. I can't start a new career now - it's too late. Dammit.

I POAS this afternoon b/c I was bored and wanted to see a BFP, no matter how fake it was due to the trigger shot. I'm 5dpt and 4dpiui. Not a strong positive but not a light one either. Kind of in between. I'll take another one next Thursday (9dpt and 8dpiui) to start testing it out. Last time I did that it never turned negative but it was ectopic so we'll see.

IUI #4 is Done

Was not as painful as the last few. My new doc, Dr. B, did the procedure. Count was the best yet! 15 million post wash!!! To think we started with barely 2 million with IUI #1 and #2. Unbeliveable. Dr. B thinks that the "shadow follicle" or whatever it was yesterday may actually be a real one. He said a different patient had the same thing and that's all it was, no other follicles for her and she got pregnant so maybe the 23mm (yeah not 22mm, 23mm) is our winner? He didn't see any polyps and thinks that whatever was on the u/s was a shadow. Good lord, enough shadows?

Well, I'll start the obsessive testing next Friday to test out the shot. Okay, maybe next Thursday. I have nothing better to do right?

In job news, I have a contact from Chicago who is going look for openings for me in the business. He may know some people who would hire me to work from home. That would be the BEST!

Now, I'm going to watch American Idol. Judge me all you want.

Moving Forward

I had my ultrasound yesterday to find out the sitch with the follies. I've got two on the left and one on the right. Only one on the left is 17+mm and one on the right is at like a 9mm or so. The other on the left was 22mm with a daughter cyst which altogether they're calling a shadow follicle or something. Altogether I was informed that the 22mm one is not real...or whatever. The nurse seems to think she knows what she's talking about but I asked questions that were secret tests (because I know everything of course) and she basically failed. But the 17mm follicle on the left seems to be the golden egg so I was triggered at 10:30 am yesterday. The IUI is today at 3pm. We reviewed DH's s/a from November 2009 and it showed over 60 million total motal count at 30 million +. Thus we are EXPECTING (cautiously optimistic) that his post-wash count today will be higher than ever for our IUIs. Not hard to beat 2 million (IUI #1 - cyst, no real follicle, idiots), 2 million (IUI #2, one follicle), 8-12 million (IUI #3 which resulted in an ectopic, two follicles). We have one good egg for IUI #4, pre-surgery and shit hitting the fan. No pressure right? Yeah....a lot of pressure. I've amassed a lot of pee tests. Let's do this thing. Activate the insemination!!!! Mwahahahahah.....

Lazy Saturday

So I'm getting kind of amped for the IUI next week. But I'm not looking forward to the 10 or so days afterward where I'll be searching for a job, cleaning the house (including any and all closet spaces, etc) every day. At least it'll keep me busy. But it still is hard to wait.

One of the biggest companies in town will be posting 25-35 job openings in the next couple of weeks. Hopefully they're something I will like. Maybe they'll have even better IF coverage? IVF? lol...at least what we have now covers 90% of IUIs (up to 6 lifetime) and 100% diagnostics. Hard to complain.

I'm sure I'll be posting more since I'm at home for awhile. We'll see how long that lasts. I just want to be pregnant and stay pregnant. Broken record. I know...

Great Year So Far....NOT

I am blogging from home because I got laid off yesterday. Yep. Big shock to me. I got a month's severance so that's 3 more paychecks, and then unemployment. super duper.

We're going ahead with IUI #4 next week, but DH's knee surgery at the end of the month and the lack of my job may make him fight about doing IUI #5 (if necessary) in February. I figure we do all three months b/c we have to take a break from April till about June...

Hopefully it works. Do people hire pregnant women?

I'm thinking about going back to school to get my master's or to be a teacher. I have no idea what to do.....

Nut 'N Honey

When I think up titles for blog posts, I try to go for the first thing that comes to mind. Lo and behold, "Nut 'n Honey" popped up. Mainly because when DH asked what I was doing last week when I would be spending my time examining pee sticks, that was my response. Also, I liked the cereal. I wonder if they still make it? Hmmm...


Yeah all those HPTs were negative. I don't know what I saw earlier in the week but it was b.s.

I ordered a bunch of pee sticks on Eb.ay in Nov/Dec b/c I find that for $5 or less I can get multi-packs of FRERs, Answers, CBEs, etc. Well in November I amassed about a 1/2 dozen digitals. Thus, I'm sticking to them and Dollar Tree tests for the next few months. That should be fine.

AF showed up on New Year's Eve. I had two daquiris at dinner that night. Yum. Then I didn't drink all weekend. I find that I don't really like it anymore. The hangover/my behavior never seems to come out better than when I don't drink. Also, DH doesn't drink anymore (Urologist's orders) so what's the point huh? We sat on our new couches all weekend and watched TV and played Wii. It was nice.

I called Dr. B's office yesterday to set up my ultrasound and IUI for the January cycle (cycle ?, IUI #4). The nurse seemed confused but eventually figured it out. It's hard to discuss things like "ultrasound", "trigger", and "insemination" which is what she calls an IUI, at my desk with four co-workers 12 feet away. So we got it all set up. I've been on 50mg of Clo.mid again, this time from day 3-7 instead of 4-8 or however it was we did it in November. That worked but ended in an ectopic so we're trying (obviously) to avoid that. The u/s and possible trigger would be next Tuesday 1/12 (CD 13) at 9:30 am. The u/s lady will remember me and ask if I "emptied my bladder" like she always does. And I will respond, "twice emptied, I know the drill," like I always do. Ahh, routine. Also, the IUI will be the late afternoon the day after the Nov.arel instead of 24 hours later. That way the swimmers have a better chance of hitting the egg(s) than when they have to sit around for 12 hours waiting for one or more to release.

I was THISCLOSE to taking double pills (DH is also on Clo.mid) to increase my dosage to get more follicles but instead of being scared of getting in trouble, well maybe a little, I was scared of getting a cyst like back in July (didn't overdose, first clomid cycle screwed me up). So I didn't. But I'll be pushing Dr. B for a few things when I see him at the IUI:


1. Betas + Progesterone every time. Monitor P4 during pregnancy b/c it may have been the reason for miscarriage #2 at 9 weeks. Dr. M refused to cooperate with that request other than to give me suppositories AFTER the loss for future IUIs.

2. Increase meds to give us a better chance at success after DH has surgery on 1/28. We really only have Jan, Feb and Mar to try until his count most likely plummets in April. Yay.
Okay right now I can only think of 2 things but there are more. Believe me. I'm going to assert myself with this guy and b/c I trust him and he listens to me I think things will work out...

Did I Mention 2010 Will Be The Year?

So I've been obsessively testing since 9 dpo. Yes I'm nuts. DH and I thought we saw a faint BFP on Monday night on a Clear Blue Easy non-digital and an E.P.T. but I think they were bleed lines b/c nothing else has come close to a BFP since then. I've used a FRER, internet cheapies, Dollar Tree tests and more CBE and EPTs. No dice.

That's fine - AF is supposed to show by New Year's Eve or New Year's Day (preferably) so this should be a fun weekend. If AF shows on 1/1/10, then the cycle days would literally be the same as the calendar days, easier to keep track I suppose. Also, January is our only chance to get the coveted 10/10/10 due date!!!! lol...doesn't mean it'll happen but it'd be so cool. Finally, once DH has his surgery we may be kind of screwed with any IUIs for awhile. If January's doesn't work then we'll definitely do one in Febuary, but we will probably do a s/a in March before doing another one. We'll do clomid in March for sure, but definitely a se.men analysis before an IUI in March just so we aren't wasting one of the 6 that are covered. We've used three so Jan-Mar woudl be our last chances to have the 50% coverage by insurance. Yeah, only 50% is covered. But DH believes that it'll happen this year for sure w/out IVF so I told him that if i'm not pregnant by the end of the year that we're going to start IVF. I'm not waiting anymore. Also, about 74 days after his surgery - or April-ish - his count will likely plummet and won't recover for another 74 days. So we basically lose at least 2 cycles this year if not 3. Yay, right? So we only have 9 months in 2010 to get knocked up and stay that way. No pressure, right?

One Month after BFP - 2 1/2 Weeks Post EP Surgery

Beta on 12/10/09: 3
We got the green light - it's bunny time!

I got a positive OPK last night. FINALLY. And this afternoon. Yes. I took one at work. It's currently in my sweater pocket. B/c it looks like an HPT, I have to hide it so nobody finds it/sees it and thinks i'm pregnant. Or if someone figures out what it is I will be quite red-faced.
This afternoon I have been feeling quite a bit of pressure/pain in my right ovary area and then under my belly button (that spot probably b/c of the buttoned pants I'm wearing toady; I've been unbuttoning my pants since the surgery), and my lower back.
Thus, I think I'm ovulating today/tonight/tomorrow. Dh and I have been bd-ing every other day since last wednesday just in case. Since it appears I am actually popping out an egg in the next several hours, we're going to "hit it" hard tonight and tomorrow for sure.
Maybe it'll work. Maybe I'll have another ectopic. Maybe we'll actually get a live baby in nine months. No clue. But I'm excited for the possibility. At least we didn't have to wait 3 months like the other/fired doc was going to make us wait and at least dh has a healthy/normal (kind of) count for us to try with unlike what happened in March. We tried for three months after March, oh yes we did. But with very little swimmers that actually knew where they were going, it clearly didn't work. Let's see, the first IUI 3 months after dh started taking Clomid, we got pregnant. Duh. Obviously it worked and his swimmers got a clue. So, since we've got some good ones till about 74 days after dh's ACL surgery 1/28/10, we have got to go at this hard until the count drops off. THEN we'll have to wait 74 more days after that till they go back to normal-ish...for him. You know what I mean.

But I feel confident that we WILL get pregnant and STAY pregnant in 2010. Dammit. Or else. You hear me future baby/babies?!?!? You will sit and you will stay in the right place until it's time to come out. Grrr.

I'm happy. I am in total love with my husband. We are okay. We got a new TV and a Wii for Christmas. Instead of an exchange we decided to get those things. The Wii's not yet set up, we're pretty 'tarded when it comes to that kind of stuff and we want to wait for our NEW COUCH to arrive! We got a sectional that I call "the butt couch" b/c it has little cushions all over it so i think it looks like it's got butts on it. Dh doesn't agree but we both like that it's beyond comfortable (our current couches are hand-me-downs from my parents and I think the couches are 15 years old), and has massagers on both sides of the sectional! We got two couches that are three-seaters and then the middle triangle thingy. I never wanted a sectional but I ended up falling in love with this one. Each side has a little cooler in it too under the middle seat so how neat is that! The couch is to be delivered on New Year's Eve (not entirely convenient but we'll work with it) and they'll take our crappy couches and horrible recliner. We're counting the days.

We'll find out by New Year's Eve or New Year's Day if I'm knocked up. If it didn't work, then I get to start Clomid by day 3 (if I can't reach the doctor, I'll just take Eric's and then replace his with the Rx that I get - this really works out, being on the same fertility meds) and then we'll do IUI #4 by the 15th or 16th. I'll find out if I'm knocked by Dh's ACL surgery (probably do beta the morning of the surgery) so, that's all good stuff! I'm super excited for the next six weeks. I really really really hope it works before April (when DH's sperm go to sh*t). As long as it works before April, we'll have our baby in 2010. Hopefully.

Dr. Google Is Not Helping

So I have googled the crap out of a question I have. Not much on answers. I just want to know when I will ovulate now. We are not waiting a cycle to try b/c DH has ACL surgery at the end of January so we don't want to waste a possible cycle. It's been over 2 weeks since the surgery and my count has been under 100 since then as well so my body should be getting ready to ovulate.
*TMI Alert*
I've had a TON of ewcm lately. Like gobs. Not typical for me. So I've been using my leftover opks to figure out what's going on and we've been bd-ing every other day since last Wednesday. I should ovulate this week based on what's going on "down there" as it comes about 3-4 days after the ewcm for some strange reason. The opks aren't getting darker yet but i figure they will in the next couple of days. I only have one left though so I have to decide whether to use it tonight or wait until Tuesday. I have a bunch (30) coming from Ebay but the seller shipped on 12/6/09 and I still don't have them so if I use the last one I have then I'll have to go buy some at the store and they're a bit costly...but if it helps us conceive this month then they'd be worth it right? A long-time TTC-er will spend money on some pretty crazy stuff so nothing I buy that's related will surprise DH.

Luckily my cycle should play out for January (if this December trainwreck doesn't end in a BFP) works out for the IUI to be mid-month so that maybe I can get a beta before or during DH's surgery.

Also, his urologist and I exchanged emails last week and he said that the surgery shouldn't impact DH's sperm until about 74-90 days after surgery. So we'll keep doing the IUIs until then which works out fine. But how, logistically, will DH and I "do it" at home if he's laid up (lol, no pun intended) with a bum knee? Yes, all mental images aside folks, I will have to do all the work. I'd rather do that then "take a break". Besides, if our efforts fail, then we'll be "taking a break/doing it on our own" for three months after the bad sperm kick in until they come back after another sperm cycle. Bummer huh? So we've got December, January, February, March and April (maybe) to get pregnant. No pressure right?

Smack in the face

i knew the betas sucked. i convinced myself that i was at the low end of normal but i knew. it was ectopic. ruptured day after thanksgiving. took four hours of pain quickly intensifying to get me to announce (in choked tears) that something was "wrong" and that we needed to see a doctor immediately. went to local (small town) ER. they were confused, couldn't give me pain meds. sent me to "big city" ER. they didn't get the memo from local ER so there was some confusion at first but soon i got pain meds, lovely, then an u/s which confirmed no sac, nothing in uterus. lots of free-flowing blood though. my favorite doc was on call, told me i had ectopic. apparently beta was around 450 or so. that monday it'd been 131. if my dang doctor had just ran one more frigging beta she would have seen the problem. anyways, i went in for emergency laproscopic surgery. they saved my tube. stayed overnight at hospital. dh took amazing care of me for the past week. i'm back at work today, still quite sore. refused to have the rest of the stitches out after first one hurt like a bi*ch.

but i'm not depressed and hiding this time. dh's count is nearly normal now. the motility is grade 4. i just know that we'll get pregnant again. he has to have ACL surgery soon so we only have a couple of months to try. we'll do it on our own this month and once i get af, i'll call my new doctor, the one from the hospital (same department, just a different doc) and i'll start a clomid/iui cycle again. We'll go for IUI #4. i feel good about it. even if it doesn't work, we'll keep trying.

now SIL and BIL are trying. in a sick way i still dont want to be 2nd to them. my little/only brother had a kid before me and if SIL (younger) has one too i'll be pissed. i'm terrible. but i'm not depressed anymore.