I Just Woke Up...

Stupid Equate tests. Must've been faulty. All tests (FRERs, Dollar Trees) are negative. Stark frigging white negative. Today is 13dpiui/14dpt.

Onto injectables and all out of pocket to boot.

Screw the progesterone tonight. I quit if I'm not going to need it. AF should arrive on Thursday like clockwork.

I'm really fricking pissed. It's going to take at least a few days to get positive again.

Now, for the THIRD YEAR IN A ROW, I get to travel to Indy to visit DH's brothers (wives and kids too) for easter and no pregnancy or baby to show for it.

I'm near tears. I can't do this anymore. I just want to move onto IVF. I'm calling them at lunch on Thursday when AF shows. I'll try to get an appt for May.

I'm going to sulk now. If the last of my FRERs is negative tomorrow (14dpiui) I'll be buying a bottle of wine and enjoying it.

Saturday the 27th is our one year anniversary of our 9-week sudden loss. I swore to myself all last year that I'd be pregnant or have a baby by the time 3/27/10 came around. It was the only way to survive last year. I was so depressed.

Sob.

Now I have nothing.

I wish I could just go home and get drunk. But I get sadder when I drink so I have no clue what would make me happy.

This cycle's failure is so painful.