Thursday, March 28, 2013

9w6d

This was an interesting week of pregnancy. My morning sickness kicked into high gear Monday night and I wasn't able to keep anything down, including water. I stayed home from work on Tuesday and got a stronger prescription for the nausea: phenergan. I'm alternating that with the Zofran and have been feeling better. I'm mostly following a BRAT diet too.

I got worried that I couldn't keep down my vitamins, prednisone and baby aspirin. Then I feared dehydration. I took some of Claire's pedialyte in a desperate attempt to get better too. I think the ms just peaked (hopefully).

Yesterday was 3/27. That is a big milestone for me, mostly emotionally. This pregnancy is officially the second-longest out of six. Claire, of course, is the winner. Tomorrow is 10 weeks. Time is not flying but at least its passing.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

8w6d

So I'm at the precipice of reaching that milestone of 9 weeks. Claire is the only baby to survive past 9 weeks so we're just waiting - taking it day by day. I'm massively nauseous but mostly force myself to not throw up. The food I'm willing to eat has to stay down somehow.

I was thinking this morning how its so bizarre that I'm pregnant. We tried on our own and after so many years of failure it felt pointless. Or like pretend. "Sure, let's be like normal, fertile people and make a baby on our own!"

But it happened. And the longer this pregnancy lasts the more attached I become to the idea that we will actually welcome another child into this little family of ours in October. I always dreamed of having four kids, but when we hit the wall of infertility and RPL, I swore I'd be happy with even just one baby. Now we might have a second one? Well in my eyes, this baby is a bonus and a miracle.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

7w4d

Nothing special going on except I continue to feel worse each day. Morning sickness is starting to get the best of me.

I'm exhausted and nauseous 24/7 but that must be a good thing so I'll take it.

We told our parents last weekend and they were very surprised and excited for us.

I've had no spotting but I keep thinking about the blood near the sac. I wish I could have more ultrasounds but for now we have to wait till 12 weeks to see this kiddo again.

So we wait...

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Ultrasound #1 results

One baby. HB 122. A little blood near the sac...I'm not terribly worried. Yet.

No spotting so we'll take it one day at a time

Monday, March 4, 2013

Six weeks

Vomitfest has begun. No more fast food even if I'm craving it!!!

Ultrasound #1 is tomorrow. Will this all end in bad news or continue on as if we are normal people? Like we're fertile and can sustain a pregnancy?

Sigh.

And a big snowstorm is coming in. Like it'll keep me from Wandy. Yeah right.

I'll post after I get the results. Fingers crossed.

Also SIL had her baby today. Tough labor, rough birth but her baby girl is here and healthy.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Fifth Week

Sooo sick. Desperately trying to not vomit.

DH got a new job today and I got a sweet raise.

One more week till we see what is or isn't cooking in there...

Claire pic for you all:

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

4w5d

Still pregnant. We lost our first at this point in 2008. Well this one isn't a chemical so I'd like to think we're in the clear today.

I tested up to yesterday to see the lines get darker. They mimic the tests from Claire's pregnancy and for me, that's reassuring.

I feel sick and it seems sooner than with any other time. To think that this is my SIXTH pregnancy....I'm still wrapping my mind around the concept. We always planned on having more kids but I really believed it would be years before I got pregnant again.

With Claire I was on Folgard, heparin injections twice a day, low dose prednisone, prenatal vitamins, baby aspirin and PIO.

This pregnancy I'm taking prenatal vitamins, baby aspirin and low dose prednisone

With Claire I limited myself to picking up nothing more than 10 lbs almost the entire pregnancy.

This pregnancy I'm a mom to a >26 lb toddler. I buy groceries and clean my house. Unless advised otherwise I have to lift some stuff but I'll limit it to Claire's weight class.

Overall we hope that I can be a "normal" pregnant person and have everything go smoothly. Lofty aspirations for someone with RPL but its keeping me calmer, more relaxed.

Also, I continue to remember how long 9 months will be and that I have to take it one day at a time. Its funny, I wake up and have to remind myself that I'm pregnant. Or at work and I'll be in a meeting and think to myself, 'I'm pregnant!'. Then I smile. No matter how long this lasts, I'll be happy and grateful for this baby, just like all the others.

The difference now is, I have Claire and she gives the best hugs and kisses so no matter what happens, she'll get me through whatever happens. Oh and my husband. Ha ha.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Beta #2


Beta #1 at 14 dpo: 90
Beta #2 at 16 dpo: 286!!!!!!!!

Doubling time of 28.78 hours holy crap!!!

Might this actually be a miracle?

Friday, February 15, 2013

Beta #1

Beta #1 on 14 dpo:

Hcg: 90
Progesterone: 33.2

Yuck. Now we wait till Sundays results are in. But I expected a beta over 100. Better than previous shitty beta /pregnancies but not as encouraging as my IVF pregnancy.

Still pregnant

4 weeks today according to the opks. The Dr wants a beta and progesterone draw due to my history. Repeat beta on Sunday. I didn't even ask for betas! Oh well I won't complain.

I have pretty strong morning sickness but I haven't thrown up yet. Food aversion? Check. Sore boobs? Check. Tired? Oh yeah.

We aren't telling anyone for awhile. I have a 6 week ultrasound on march 5 now to get placement and hopefully see a heartbeat. We wonder if there are two in there? Oh boy....

Thanks for the well wishes! Its nice to know people still care even after I kind of went off the grid.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

May The Odds Be Ever In My Favor...?

Pregnancy #6. Here we go again!

Sunday, January 20, 2013

I threw a baby shower yesterday

I worked on this shower for six months. Its for SIL who is due next month after nearly 4 years TTC. There were decorating stations (onesies/bibs, blocks, well wishes/advice, headbands and picture frames). I played a slideshow of my SILs baby pics and that was a hit. All in all it was a good time. I wish I could be an event coordinator...party planning is a major outlet for me.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

CD 1

No test today. Af showed up. Femara will be used this cycle so we'll see what happens.

Now more Claire pics:

Sunday, January 13, 2013

I never thought I'd see the day

I'm 30 and I now have a craft room. Its bare bones but I just did it tonight. Why have a guest room if we've never had a guest?

SIL is having a baby (it took them 4 years and Clomid) and I'm throwing the shower. That's the stuff on the table.

The sewing machine is brand new - my mom got me one for Christmas. I ruined hers 20 years ago trying to make Jean shorts so I hope nothing happens to this one.

On the TTC front I'm 11 or 12 dpo and testing like an idiot. I just hope DH gets this job he's up for because they cover IVF.

Now for Claire pics:

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Back in the saddle

Claire's 14 months now, I'm working again and DH has two jobs. We have decided to TTC again so here we are. Today was my surge and its CD 17. Plenty of bd-ing so we're on our way. Will it happen on our own? Doubtful. But all those old memories are flooding back. The fears, doubts, obsessions...I weaned my baby girl 2 1/2 months ago and kind of just got my body back. But I want it to make more babies.

We're not likely to start treatment again soon because our insurance has changed and provides zero coverage for IF. So until DH gets a new job we're on our own. Good thing I have leftover repronex and femara. That's 2 medicated cycles if we really want to go there.

That's all for now. It'll be a long 2WW but never as long as the four years it took to have our miracle.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

I am...

A breast-feeding, baby food making, cloth diapering, stay-at-home mom.

I lost my job at the end of March. No I don't want to talk about it. Yes I do want to brag about my amazing baby girl and how my dreams are realized every day with all that I get to do.

DH got a second job right after I got shit-canned so we're surviving for now. I'm looking for a new job but this economy sucks.

Before I had Claire I wanted to breast feed. I wanted to make my baby her own food. I wanted to use cloth diapers and I wanted to be a stay at home mom. If I had to lose my job to do all those things, then dammit it was the best thing, right?

First, a picture:

Six months old. Holy crap!

What else - oh yeah I was diagnosed with PPD in March. I was pretty crazy. Not harm my baby crazy but definitely wanted to maim my husband. Also my milk production took a huge dive and I kind of just realized that I was totally miserable except with my baby girl. So I started taking Zoloft and what do you know, I'm a happy person now! Kind of muted my crazy, I suppose.

Oh and I gained 50 pounds while pregnant. I have lost all of it and then some. So hard to believe because I've been a little overweight for years thanks to infertility, but now that weight's all gone too. I'm back down to my wedding weight, which was pretty nice. The only thing I can't lose is my little pooch where Claire was for 9+ months. I suppose working out would help. I'd like to credit breastfeeding for every bit of my weight loss. Oh and chores and lifting Claire. That might help too.

She is going in for her 6 month check up this Friday but I'll bet she's almost 30 inches and weighs over 17 pounds. Tall and lean. That's my kid. She has abs. Did I mention that before?

She can sit up mostly unassisted. She loves to be assisted while standing. She spazzes out in her jumperoo and wheels around mostly backwards in her walker.

We moved her into her own room a week and a half ago and its going well. I waited till six months (and when I was ready) and she's loving it. I think she sleeps better.

She's in 9 month clothing and growing fast. A great eater and loves to feed herself. She grabs the spoon and sticks it in her own mouth. All business about food, this one.





















She has her mama's blue eyes with a little of her daddy's hazel in the middle. Her hair is super spiky and seems to be darkening to a light brown.

Claire smiles all the time, gives big sloppy kisses and hugs. She's not talking in sentences but mostly gibberish with some ba's and ga's. I love her to pieces and can definitely say she's the best thing I ever did.
























Monday, January 23, 2012

Three Months Old

My baby is three months old. She started sleeping through the night on Christmas Even and then she got her 2 month shots and that screwed her up for a week or so. Otherwise she's a dream. I'm so lucky I can't begin to describe it. She is a perfect breastfeeder. I broke down a month or so ago and got the Medela Pump n Go. I had to. The other pump wasn't good, lets just say that. It was worth the expense, Medela really is the best.

I'll post some pictures for you soon. Thank you all for your support and interest in my life - we hope to have babies again someday but we are still infertile and know it. I haven't accepted that Claire is our only child forever but I keep that possiblity in the back of my mind. Also, I have terrible infertile guilt. All the time. About everything. Having a baby, spending every second with her that I can and never ever being upset about how difficult it is to go without sleep. I'm happy every minute I'm with her but feel terrible that my sister had a miscarriage (looks like it was a blighted ovum) and my sister-in-law and her husband have been trying for 2 years and can't get pregnant. At the same time I'm here for them as a survivor and have been able to provide some support.

I only can hope we somehow get pregnant naturally someday, by some miracle. My bad eggs, his minimal sperm. I guess we'll see. If Claire was the lone surviving embryo, maybe we can pull off another miracle?

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Its New Years Eve...Shhh

We're going to bed. Claire fell asleep.
It's 10 pm. Best. New Years ever.

Happy New Years...

Oh wait. She's up.


It's nearly midnight now. She's puked, pooped, fed, and repeated several times. I think she wants to wait till the new year to go to sleep.


Still the best new years ever. I hope everyone who is still waiting gets their wish in 2012. I really do.

Over and out, still trying to get our overtired little girl to bed.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Quick Christmas Post

I'm posting from my phone, had to get this down "on paper". Claire has slept 7 straight hours without eating or anything. How have I used this time? Pumping (oh the engorgement), washing and sterilizing and waiting for her to wake up. I've been up the last 2 hours doing that. She's really stirring now, just had to post this milestone.

2 month appt stats:

12 lbs 7oz (75th percentile)
40.4 cm head circumfrence (75th percentile)
24 inches long (90th percentile)

Completely healthy little girl. She coos a lot and smiles all the time. She eats 3-4 oz of pumped milk at daycare and nurses from me when at home. I love Breastfeeding and I'm so lucky its easy for us.

Back to bed now. It's 615 and I've been up 3 hours, pumped twice and fed a sleepy little girl. Yawn...best Christmas morning ever.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Claire's Birth Story

Since Claire will be a month old this Saturday, I should really get this birth story out before I forget it. Luckily for me she's napping in her swing (first time ever!) and its bought me a ton of time today. However, I had better make this quick:

We went in for the biophysical profile ultrasound on Tuesday, October 18th to measure her fluid levels and see how she was doing. The tech immediately said, "Well, the baby's breech." to which I responded, "Shut up!!!"  Thus the C-section was scheduled for the next day at 1:30 pm. I went to the lab right away to do a hemoglobin check (yay blood draw) and give a pee sample.

I slept pretty well that night and we had taken the opportunity to prepare our things and ourselves for the next day which we knew would change our lives forever.

Wednesday morning I was up around 8 a.m. and took my time getting ready. We then took pictures in the nursery to commerate the end of the pregnancy and the importance of the big day.



















Upon arriving at the hospital at 11:30 a.m. I realized I had to pee really badly (hmm, 41+ weeks pregnant, ya think I had to pee a lot?) so DH checked me in. After filling out the paperwork I was given the option to either walk or take a wheelchair up to the room. With huge feet/cankles, a sore back, massive belly and overall just being exhausted, I took the chair.

We got to the room and were impressed with the big bathroom and the nice TV. When we'd taken the tour during the summer, the TVs in the rooms were really old, so the flat-screen was exciting. Apparently it didn't take much to make us happy at that point. I got undressed and put on the hospital gown in the bathroom, gave my pee sample. My nurse, Carol, was really nice and answered all of my questions because as usual, I needed to know everything that was going on. I hadn't eaten or had anything to drink since Midnight so I was parched! DH didn't eat breakfast or anything so I made a stink about him grabbing a snack before the surgery since we both knew he wouldn't have a chance to eat for some time afterwards. Carol went and got him a diet coke, some oreos and graham crackers. He took the opportunity to eat it slowly in front of me. Torture!

























I got into the bed and then I got my blood drawn after having my I.V. put in. Yes I was a little bit of a baby about the I.V. and asked for Lidocaine with it. I made it through IVF and multiple daily shots for months but wasn't jumping in with the I.V. DH wasn't surprised and held my other hand while it was put in. It really wasn't that bad but I think it was because of the Lidocaine.

Then the anesthesiologist came in and went over the spinal epidural procedure, asked questions and had me sign some papers. My doctor came in and was wearing his alligator cowboy boots under his scrubs. Crazy guy, love him. He was pumped for the procedure and definitely kept me relaxed. We were ahead of schedule but then, around 1:00 p.m. we were told that the pediatrician that was supposed to be in the O.R. during my C-Section, had to take a kid to X-ray so we were then suddenly behind schedule. But things got back on track and around 1:30 I was being walked into the operating room. DH got to wear scrubs:


























I got into the O.R. while DH waited in the waiting room with my parents. My mom had shown up during my prep in the room to say hi and good luck. As I walked through the doors to the operating room, there were so many people and I couldn't help but say, "Is this all for me?"  The nurses were very kind and my nurse, Carol, was there to help me through the spinal. I sat on the table and bent forward as much as I could. When the anesthetic went in I could feel it and I just said, "Ow ow ow ow..." till it was done. When he put in the actual spinal I kept saying ow even though it didn't hurt, I could feel it and a little pressure. It got me through and overall it wasn't terrible. The feeling of my legs getting warm and numb was pretty cool too. I was laid back on the bed and then they put in the catheter. I was more worried about the catheter than the spinal. I must be crazy, right?

Once the room was all set up they had DH come in. Things went really quickly from there. I remember the docs talking about the person who'd set a bunch of exotic animals free and they'd had to be killed. I asked them to stop talking about that (I'm an animal lover and besides, it was quite the buzzkill at the time). Then I was asked if I wanted to hear any specific music. Had I known that was an option we would have brought in a playlist on our mp3 player. So we listened to whatever was playing on the radio.

Next thing I know they're telling me that Dr. B had made the incision. I asked them not to tell me anymore details, just when she was out and if she was okay. I said to Dr. B how amazing it was to be at this point after all we'd been through. He agreed that we were due our happy ending.

Dh held my hand and I could see the reflection of the procedure in the lights above so I asked to have the blue sheet pulled back a little to block the view. I was pretty grossed out by it all. DH, however, decided to watch the entire operation! I was told I'd feel a lot of pressure and boy did I! It was hard to breathe between the pulling/pushing and the spinal.

Finally I heard them say she was out and yes, she was a girl! I began completely bawling and waited to hear her cry. But she never really did. Then I started freaking out and sobbing to DH, "Why isn't she crying!?!? What is wrong?!!" He said she was fine, her eyes were open and she was waving her arms all around. He told me to look to my right and I did. They had her on the warmer and were checking her out. I could only see her little hands and her head but it was all I needed . Then I heard a little cry. She was just a quiet baby, that was all. I later asked for her APGAR scores: 8 and then 9. Excellent, right?

They brought her over to me and I couldn't believe this was MY baby. My little girl that had been inside me, moving and punching me. Poor thing was breech too so her head was a bit lopsided but that's all straightened out now.






















Then they took her to the nursery to be cleaned up more and have tests done. DH went with her and then I just laid there on the table getting stiched up. The anesthesiologist gave me something to "relax" so I just stared at the ceiling grinning like a big idiot. I was a mom.

And the song playing when Claire was born?

"The Lazy Song" by Bruno Mars. Gotta love it.

Nothing was scary or complicated. I consider myself extremely blessed overall.
 

I Can't Control Everything | Desenvolvido por EMPORIUM DIGITAL