Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Phew! Now If I Can Get Through Christmas!

First of all: THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!!!

All of your quick and helpful advice was so meaningful and completely helpful!  I chose to not react to anything my sisters are doing and saying and simply avoided them as best I could. I didn't even see sister R and sister K (the one not in Florida) was at my parents' Thanksgiving but only for a little while. Nothing was said because DH talked to her the whole time. He's such an amazing husband and best friend, I tell ya!

I made it through the anniversary of our third loss which landed on Saturday the 27th. It was strange because last year, my in-laws were in town (as they are every Thanksgiving) and DH and I missed Thanksgiving dinner (held on Friday last year instead of Thursday) because the ectopic ruptured and I was rushed to not one, but two emergency rooms. Then I was admitted for emergency surgery.

This year, I got to hang out with all of them and see the kids open their Christmas gifts (we celebrate xmas with them because they don't come back to IA in December) this year and enjoy not only a big traditional dinner, but we got to go bowling with them too, all things we missed last year because we were in the hospital.

Nobody said anything to me or DH about last year. Nobody asked how IF was, how our IVF was coming along, nothing. They all know about IVF because MIL tells them bits and pieces. But nobody asks us. I was whining to DH about it Thursday night and he said something that made sense:

Years ago, if people we knew were going through IF/RPL/IVF, etc., we wouldn't have known what to say except that we were really sorry and we hoped everything worked out for them. We would have felt it inappropriate to ask them questions or to prompt them for stories about their treatments. We wouldn't have wanted to make them uncomfortable or sad.

Duh!  But here's the thing - I feel like if we bring any of it up, we're just making everyone ELSE uncomfortable.

So we (I, really) sat in silence, trying to enjoy the holiday and eat as much food as possible. I survived!

Also, BCPs are giving me pizza face. As a teenager, I had zits quite a bit, but not full-blown acne. I consider myself extremely fortunate that the occasional breakout of pimples was the worst of it. As I got into college and adulthood, my face, for the most part, has been blemish-free. Oh when PMS hits, I'll get a "period zit".

But now? The breakouts are back and seem very reminiscent of my teen years. Blech. Oh well. Anything to have a baby. Maybe, if and when I get pregnant again, I'll get to enjoy pregnancy zits too!

One can only hope.

2 comments:

infertilefollies said...

I'm glad you made the right choice! I'm sorry your sisters are being mean and insensitive -- they don't realize their little club is so childish. Hopefully as the years go by they'll realize how lucky they are to have you in their lives, too.

I have felt the same way about people asking about IF. I don't mind talking about it, but it's awkward to bring it up, and other people feel awkward asking... I try to tell people I'm close to that questions are always welcome. But, that only gets you so far.

Sorry about the BCP breakouts. :( Not fun. My main BCP symptom so far has been food aversion, mostly to meat. Every time I eat it, it tastes rancid and rotten. Blech.
I hope it gets better for you!! (But like you said... anything to have a baby. I'm with you on that.)

Lindsay said...

I think people always feel akward asking, unless they've been through it. Although I was pretty open about everything, i found only a handful of people asked and were able to actually provide me support.

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