IUI #8 Result - IUI #9 Plan

Not pregnant.

Not sure if I just experienced another chemical pregnancy - I'm not counting it if it was. DH saw the positive tests...AF arrived Sunday evening, exactly 14 days after ovulation.

New plan for IUI #9 (last or 2nd to last one before IVF must happen):

Baseline U/S on CD5 a.m.
5mg Letrozole/Femara CD5-CD9
1.5 vials Repronex/day CD9-CD12
Monitoring U/S CD12
NO TRIGGER - USE OPKs ONLY (this I pushed for and it was accepted; now I can't feel that the trigger was too early)
Upon receiving a positive OPK, IUI will occur the next day.

Felt really shitty all day (emotionally) until having the new plan put in place.

DH's appt with the urologist is this Wednesday. We'll find out now how long he can stay on the Clomid. His count is amazing but the doc said he'd take DH off the meds after 1 or 1 1/2 years. This week is the year mark.

We've decided to do a phone consult with the St. Louis clinic if this month doesn't work. It is a free 15 minute phone consultation. It would cost $125 to do a 60 minute in-person consult (all tests have been done so none are necessary). If we must do a visit again to the clinic (it was beautiful when we stopped by a couple of weeks ago) in person to be accepted into the program, then we will do it during IUI #10. That way, if IUI #10 doesn't work, we can go right into IVF #1 cycle.

That's the plan. I will resolve myself to wait to test at the end of this cycle. The good thing is, there won't be a trigger to test out. If I do test early though, I won't be posting them daily. I'm quite embarassed that that happened. At least DH saw the positives after 10dpiui though so I don't feel crazy.

12dpt/11dpiui - Still Faint

I'll attach a picture of this morning's test but it's not much different than yesterday's and if you don't see the second line, neither does DH but I can. Trust me. Maybe it's a late trigger remnant, maybe it's chemical, and maybe it's just too dang early to be testing.

I'm impatient. :)

Question: if you've had 4 miscarriages and after golfing at 7+ weeks pregnant and then bleeding the next day and subsequently losing that baby, would you golf at 12dpiui? Our couples golf league position night is tomorrow and I really want to golf but I'm afraid that it will do something bad to the possible pregnancy even though Dr. B said it wouldn't.

Dude - you can totally see the second but completely faint line, right?

If you can't see it then I won't hold it against you. If it gets darker and/or I get a positive digital, you'll definitely see that. But at least I'm not getting fooled by EPTs or Clearblue Easy sticks. Stupid blue lines...And I really shouldn't be testing this soon. I'll admit it.

My name is Christa and I'm addicted to POAS-ing.

11dpt/10dpiui - photo interpretation?

Okay I'm an obsessed infertile. I have nothing else to do people.

I have included 2 pictures of HPTs that I took this morning. I clearly saw a second line on the FRER. I did see a faint pink line on the dollar tree test, but when photographed, it's really difficult to see, so if you don't see it, you are not crazy, but neither am I. I've been looking at HPTs for nearly 3 years now and I know when I see a line, so rest assured, your favorite nutcase has not yet gone over the edge:

Taken with semi-fmu (I peed 4 times last night, this was a 2 hr accumulated batch).

Same batch, not surprisingly difficult to see when not inches from your eyeball under a bright light....

So there you have it. I saw a clearly light but present positive line on the FRER today, 10 days past the IUI, 11 days past the trigger. Last cycle that worked, a mere four months ago, I got positives 12dpt/11dpiui and a positive digital at 13dpt/12dpiui. So...I figure the digital might not register till Friday. But I'm takin' one tomorrow just because I have 3 and once you get a "pregnant" on one, there's no use in taking any more...

I'm still holding my breath on this one. It could still be the trigger, but I doubt it. Fingers crossed folks.

10dpt/9dpiui

Back at work today - it's been awhile so I'm kinda busy but not insanely.

Tested this morning with Dollar Tree...quite faint. So I pulled out an "Answer" because I'm a nutcase. It was positive yet. Either the trigger's not out, or something's cookin' in there.

I now have to go buy some more b/c my stash is down to 2 Dollar Tree tests and 3 digitals. At least it wasn't negative yet. I reviewed my other testing experiences, both BFPs and BFNs and there is a remote possibility that the trigger is in my system till 12dpt. I doubt that though. I believe that happened when I used blue-line tests. It's FRER/Answer's only for me, with Dollar Tree tests sprinkled in for fun. :)

I'll keep ya'll posted. Symptoms for now? Mood swings. Sore bbs. But the progesterone has to be influencing some or all of this.

9dpt 8dpiui - testing out the trigger

So we're home...took today off bc we got back so late. Tested w/ dollar tree last nite...positive. I used another dollar tree test this afternoon, negative or barely positive so I used an "answer" hpt. Clearly positive. So the trigger is not out yet. Tomorrow is ten days since the trigger. Maybe I won't see a bfn at all again...twins would be awesome but we'll take what we can get!!!

6dpiui 7dpt...at the wedding

I'm blogging from my cousins wedding. Ate pineapple so it could help with implantation.

2dpiui/3dpt - Updates

I start progesterone tomorrow. Raise your hand if you love oily suppositories ruining your underwear and comfort level. My hand isn't in the air if you were wondering.

As we are traveling to Jonesboro, AR this Thursday for my cousin's wedding, DH and I (along with my sister and her fiance) rented an SUV for the trip. I got it yesterday and I am in love with the 2010 Chevy Traverse. I want one. Wah. It was cheaper to rent for a week than for 4 days, so I've been enjoying the luxury SUV for the past 20 hours. Mmmmm. Very nice.

I dropped over $170 at Kohls yesterday on clothes for DH (got him a nice pink and black tie to match my dress...mmwwaaaahahahaha...I finally got him in pink!)...and a couple cute things for myself. I can't go in there and not spend at least $100! Grrr.

I find myself being less and less productive at work. I probably won't get caught but I'm so wrapped up in TTC anymore it seems to be all I think about.

The IUI: we were initially told DH's post-wash count was 30 million, roughly. This is what he's had for the past 5 IUIs. Well, about 20 minutes after the IUI, the nurse had me come and look at the microscope again (it was a Sunday and they were able to let me see the swimmers before the IUI, which is a first). Apparently, after all the washing and spinning, some of them get quite tired or scared and the count seems lower. When they get to sit still and warm up, apparently the count is much higher. With the discovery, we got a new post-wash estimate of 60-80 million. Shut up. That's awesome right? That many swimmers + 3 follicles should = BFP right?

I'm a fan of another IF-er's blog and she and her husband, no lie, did an IUI with like 4 follicles and seriously 400 million or something and it didn't work. So I won't get my hopes up too much but this is the best looking cycle we've had yet.

Wish me luck - I'll need it. Hopefully a little luck from Sunday morning spilled over to the afternoon's IUI. I played in the club tournament (golf) that morning and got 2nd place in the Championship Flight. Basically I am now the 2nd best golfer of the women at our club. The woman who won it has been the champ for at least 15 years, so no shocker there. But the surprise? She only had me by 5 strokes. I screwed up on several holes (missed a 6 inch birdie putt, don't even get me started) so turns out I could have beat her. I've typically placed in the top 10 or 20, but not the top 2, ever. So I'm pretty dang proud of myself for that accomplishment. Question: do you think it'd be dumb to bring in my trophy to work? I want to look at it but I don't want to seem like a dork. How would you respond to a co-worker doing that? I have an office with a door...

IUI #8 is in the books

I won't bore you with the details of how much we had to run around this weekend for already set in place plans (cat to the vet/benefit golf tournament/sister's going away party/club tournament), plus the suddenly rushed in and completely unexpected trigger and subsequent IUI. Just know that I was stressed and extremely busy.

I had 3 follicles on Friday's u/s and with that day's Repronex, all should have been between 19mm and 26mm yesterday. 1 on the left, 2 on the right. I triggered at 9:30 am on Saturday and had the IUI around 2:15 pm on Sunday.

So now we wait. I start progesterone on Wednesday night and am on baby aspirin. We leave for Arkansas on Thursday morning for 4 days. So glad I get to deal with oily, embarassing progesterone suppositories while out of state. At least there's a hotel and I won't be getting drunk so that helps I suppose.

Monitoring Appt/Ultrasound #1 - updated again

3 follicles. Cd 12. Huh. I guess the meds worked. One on the left at 16mm. Two on left at 17mm and 21mm. Go me huh? I'll keep you posted as to when we'll trigger. I say trigger Sunday at cd14 and iui Monday.

Update: Dr. M who sucks wants me to trigger today. Hell no. It's cd 12! I'm fighting to trigger tomorrow pm and do the iui Sunday afternoon, cd14. I get ku when we iui on cd 15 or 16 but the follicles are ready... what can I do? Help?!

Update again - triggering tomorrow. Iui on Sunday. Frack. We have the biggest tournament of the year Sunday at 8 am. We have to be here by 1 pm. I think we can get 18 holes

Let The Shots Begin

I just got my marching orders from Dr. B's nurse (Nurse Mean-Old-Lady): 1.5 vials of Repronex per day till this Friday's ultrasound. Dumb. I wanted 2 vials per day. Last time it was only 1 vial and we barely got 2 follicles. Stupid doctors.

Also - there was a St. Louis IVF clinic featured in an MSNBC article a couple of weeks ago talking about how their prices are lower for the same treatment as other clinics. Included: IVF (retrieval, transfer), ICSI, Assisted Hatching, ALL Monitoring (labs might be covered by insurance), embryo freezing and 1 yr of storage. Not Included: medications, cost of driving down for a weekend, then a week, hotel stay, food...they typical stuff. Total Cost of IVF less meds and other incidentals: $8,000. Yeah. Figure $2k in meds, it's a $10k cycle.  They'll also let us do monitoring here locally except the final week meaning retrieval and transfer.

The micro-IVF in Madison does not cover ICSI, AH, embryo freezing and storage or monitoring...or meds....$5445, so then include monitoring and meds and the cost is still $8,000 - $9,000. The odds of having frozen embryos in micro-IVF are much lower than in a traditional IVF cycle.

I talked to DH about it this morning and he's on board. Hmmm. Well if these 2-3 injectable iui's tank, we'll know where we're going. I did some more research and micro-IVF has lower success rates for MFI and RPL patients.....super.

God (who I'm still questioning) I hope this works...


PS: FEMARA/LETROZOLE GIVES ME TERRIBLE HOT FLASHES. Holy crap. Otherwise, I'm fine.

CD 5 - Started Femara Today, Meds Arrived

Since DH has passed his test, I have found myself a bit happier, to say the least. He has a job, we still have coverage, etc.

Again, I ordered over $1,000 in fertility meds and we paid $45 for them on top of the $40 for the Novarel (hcg) trigger shot. At least we've got that coverage left since the IUI coverage got sucked up in March. I started the Femara (5mg/2 pills) this morning. Those little yellow pills are tiny! No side effects yet. Clomid gave me hot flashes right away so I'm cool with these meds so far.

I've been blog-stalking even more now...getting back into commenting and such. I still can't seem to find the time to sit down and type up my "Eclipse" entry. I also have several opinions about this season's So You Think You Can Dance - it's my first season and boy was it a good time to start watching the show! Top Chef sucks this year but I'm excited for Top Chef - Just Desserts to start.

DH and I have 2 big golf tournaments this weekend and his Aunt and Uncle's anniversary party at a local winery, so that should be fun. I hope all of you have a good weekend, that you enjoy yourselves and I want to thank the frequent and new commenters for the love; I've said it before but I'll say it again: you have no idea how much it means to me to know you are out there. I still feel so alone most of the time now that I've basically abandoned all my friends who are pregnant or trying to have babies or had babies. I have our parents, my siblings (one of which is going to start TTC next spring) and DH basically. You are wonderful ladies and I hope someday we are all free of this IF hell.

He Passed!!!

I just got the call from DH - he got a 76 percent on the test! Passing was 72% so he just made it but we don't care! He passed! Thanks everyone for the good wishes - now that we still have our IF coverage (medication coverage is insanely good), we'll be pushing forward with renewed confidence!

I ordered the Repronex this morning through Shrafts. 10 vials purchased with one vial of Novarel. Total cost? $45 for the Repronex, $40 for the Novarel. Total value of the overnight package full of fertility meds? Over $1,000. That's some pretty good coverage. We'll see how much the Letrozole/Femara costs, DH is picking it up at the pharmacy in about an hour.

Game on tomorrow with the Letrozole/Femara (which one should I call it?).

Baseline-CD3 - UPDATED & PRAYER REQUEST

Blogging from the doctors office. Annoyance level: HIGH. Dude almost hit me with his SUV on the way in...many preggos in the waiting room. Appointment was at 2 pm. It been 20 minutes of waiting so far. This sucks. At least two thing happened that don't necessarily suck: I figured out how to blog from my phone, and (tmi) I remembered to remove my tampon. Go me. Still waiting.

UPDATE: cycle is a go. Several follicles present, all under 10 mm. There was free fluid in the cup-de-sac again. No idea about that still. Start femara/letrozole this Friday. I'll be ordering the Repronex tomorrow and I start that next Tuesday. It sounds as if ill have the first u/s next Friday with the follow-up u/s on Monday August 2nd. If all is going to plan we'll trigger then and do the iui on August 3rd. So there's the plan.

Preggos still suck when u are an IF-er waiting for more treatment...no offense to anyone. This isn't an RE's office. Just an obgyn type place.

What has been getting me through this lately? Veronica mars on netflix.:)

Please send some prayers, good vibes our way on Thursday at 1 pm central time. Dh is taking his test at that time. Failure means he's fired and we stop IF treatments till who knows when...thanks...

IUI #8 cycle begins...

Yesterday I called the clinic to get the schedule set up for this next cycle since AF arrived full force and honestly without too much warning.

Nurse Nice-But-Flighty said that there's no plan on my chart from Dr. B other than we need to up my Repronex. I told her we'd discussed Letrozole (Femara) and Repronex for this cycle instead of Clomid b/c I'm done with that after 10 cycles. She said that Dr. B is out of the office till next week on vacation and is unreachable.

Nice.

So she ended up talking to the doctor I'd fired after not being cautious with my 2nd and 3rd pregnancy, resulting in an unexpected blown ectopic when she refused to do one more beta. Yay. Fired doctor said I was to go back on Clomid.

I threw a bit of a hissy fit. Sorry. I'm an IF-er who had her 3rd WTF appt in 2 years recently and had laid out a plan with her doctor. Why would I smile and say okay? So I told Nurse Nice-But-Flighty that I will NOT take any more Clomid and that I prefer to go along the lines of the plan laid out with Dr. B. She said that was fine and that I can do my baseline this Wednesday on CD3 (she tried to schedule me for CD2, yuck much?) and if it's all clear then she'll call the Letrozole/Femara into my local pharmacy and I can start those on Friday for five days. Dr. B returns next Tuesday and he'll address the rest of the issues, but in the meantime, Nurse Nice-But-Flighty will order 10 vials instead of 5 for this next cycle so I can take 2/day. Since I'm to start them next Tuesday, she'll confirm the dosage with Dr. B when he returns. I'll take 2/day I'm sure of it. It's the only way to increase the dosage anyways. I wonder if that means 2 injections per day? Oh well. The shots got me pregnant last time...I'm still thinking it was a rotten egg though that was the cause of the failure. That one we squeezed out at the last second with extra drugs...

I'll keep ya'll posted. I have no idea what cycle we're on because the four pregnancies kind of screwed up the cycle counting...but it's been at least 30 cycles by now I'm sure.

Hail Mary FAIL

AF just got here, and I actually did a fist-pump in the bathroom since I got so many BFNs this weekend that I just wanted her to get here so I could get started with IUI #8! Woot. At least I caught it before I had a clothing emergency like last month...

Aww it's alright. At least now I can go down to Arkansas in 2 weeks for my cousin's wedding and have a glimmer of hope that I'll be knocked up sooner than later. Maybe with TWINS!!!

First Baby Shower Invite; 10dpo; Poll

Remember way back in March when I told you all how I got that text message from our guy friend casually announcing his wife's pregnancy? Well she's 8 months now and the baby shower is on Saturday August 7th. I made DH read the date to me, I couldn't read it. Whew!!! We'll be in Arkansas that day!!! I'll probably send a gift...but thank goodness. This is actually my first baby shower invite since we started TTC-ing . Can you believe it? It took nearly 3 years to get one; other IF-ers have had to deal with much worse, so I am not complaining. I'm just hiding from the pregnant friend; haven't seen her since the first week of January (probably when she got her BFP).

Today I'm 10dpo. I tested. It was negative. :) I'll keep you all posted. Symptom check: slightly sensitive nips, white cm (sorry TMI), and a good mood. All indicative of past pregnancies. Could still be nothing though. I figure if there will be a positive, it'll start to show its face by Saturday or Sunday. Again, I'll let you know if there's any life-altering news.

There were a couple of celebrity pregnancy announcements yesterday (Craig Ferguson and Vince Vaughn). Mr. Vaughn got married in January. Screw him and his fertile marriage. Craig - I don't care so much, it was the bang/bang announcements that hit me harder. I'm still waiting for Khloe Kardashian-Odom, Eva Longoria-Parker....and more. People who got married around the time I did or after who have babies before us. Sorry but I instantly dislike them unless they struggled like I have.

So, I have added a poll on the side of my blog to see your responses to the following question:

How Do Celebrity Pregnancy Announcements Affect You?

I'm just curious to see your thoughts on this, and polls are fun.

My Eclipse post is coming though, I promise.

Glee Emmy Noms and Thanks for the Prayers

Congrats to Lea Michele, Matthew Morrison, Jane Lynch and surpise nominee Chris Colfer!!!! Though they'll never read this, I was so happy for all of them. I've been re-watching the season during my lunch hours on A.maz.on.com and they truly deserve these nominations. Jane Lynch was a lock for a nomination though...also nominated for Glee appearances were Kristin Chenoweth and Neil Patrick Harris - LOVE THEM!!!! I will be watching on August 29th to cheer them on. I'm also thinking of live-blogging the Emmys but we'll see about that.

Our IF-er friend Lindsay seems to be doing better and appreciates your continued support! I already feel better for her because she made it farther than I ever did - and that's awesome!!!!

Otherwise, I'll be spending the weekend with my 14 year old cousin as I take her to "Ec.lipse" (yes it'll be my 2nd time seeing it and I'll dedicate a later blog to it because I definitely have somethings to say) and to lunch on Saturday, and then I'll be dress shopping with my SIL (the fertile one married to my brother) for upcoming weddings we are attending.

Hopefully it's an uneventful weekend. In TTC news, I'm 4dpo. Yuck...6 more days till I can start testing like the nutty infertile that I am. This is my 9th cycle on Clomid. I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be on it anymore. If this try didn't work, when we do the injectable IUI cycle next month, the doctor knows I never want Clomid again and I want Follistim or Repronex or whatever. I'm shooting for 3-4 follicles again and since I was a lazy responder to the first injectable/IUI cycle, he'd agreed to up my meds if we had to do another one. As LMFAO's song goes: "SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS...!!!!". Though I'm pretty sure they're yelling about the alcoholic shots, not the fertility drug shots. I wipe the stuff off with alcohol wipes though - close enough.

Thanks For The Props & A Prayer Request

Really quickly here - I need to say a couple things:

One, thank you ladies for not scolding me. I was ready for it and would have readily accepted it - I just really really hope that this (our 3rd, 4th, I lost count) hail mary cycle works. I'll keep you posted and I'm stocked up on HPTs. I will begin testing next Thursday or Friday (7/15 or 7/16) because I'm a nut and the DT tests are so cheap.

Two - while I'm not religious (RPL, IF, personal tragedy will have eroded my faith) and I don't believe things happen for a reason, I do keep people in my thoughts while they are going through tough times, etc. Whether you pray, think or feel for people, pick your pleasure because I need you to focus on fellow IF-er Lindsay. She is 9 weeks along in her first pregnancy and has begun spotting. U/s shows everything's okay, but she needs our support!

Let's keep her in our thoughts and hope her doctor(s) can either do something to help or that it's just a mini-speed bump in what should otherwise be an uneventful and wonderful pregnancy.

That is all.

No I Didn't Steal A Baby....

Thanks Lindsay for the comment! I was going to wait till someone commented because I'm stubborn and I figured no one read my post and didn't care about the fact that I did something bad. I see you care. I also love the M&M onesie you got!


Okay....deep breath....








I took Clomid and Repronex without doctor's orders this month.









There. I said it. 

Now I will explain it:


DH is on Clomid every other day. His prescriptions overlapped so he had 4 extra pills at 50mg each. I used to be on 50 mgs and got at least 2 follicles with it. I had one vial of Repronex left, so per the usual, I started the Clomid on CD5 and then on CD9 took the shot of Repronex.


I could get a cyst. I could get pregnant with twins. I could have an ectopic. The doctor could be pissed (but would I really tell him? Yes b/c I'm a terrible liar).


I don't care right now. We're terrified that we will probably have to do IVF and DH is in a crappy job situation right now where if he doesn't pass his exam in three weeks, he's fired. He's studying now but realistically, since he's failed THREE TIMES already, I can't have much hope that he'll pass. He's also desperately trying to find another job, but no one's hiring or he's under/over qualified.

If he gets fired, we lose our medical coverage, all that we've paid towards it will be gone and we'd have to move over to mine where the premium is insane as is the extremely high deductible. So while coverage may be there for IF, none of it counts toward the deductible and instead of iuis being covered 50/50, it'll be 100% out of pocket.

Thus, this is probably our last cycle with coverage. If it doesn't work and if AF shows up before his test on July 21st (which it would if this cycle doesn't work), then I'll explain to the nurses and doctor about our coverage situation and get our meds ordered fast under our current insurance so at least  that's covered since we have 90% coverage for the injectables.

So that's that. I got a positive OPK yesterday on CD16 (started getting dark on CD15 and was full-fledged positive yesterday, right on schedule), so we're giving it all we've got.

I know I broke the rules and self-medicated and I don't ever plan to do it again, but it was the only time to do it and it's under dire circumstances. I'll go crazy if we don't at least try b/c we may not have the money to keep going soon and it's almost 3 years of TTC! I'm a nutty infertile....the day has finally arrived.

So slap me with a wet noodle....but I did what I had to do.

Thoughts? More consequences you can think of ladies? Any encouragement?

I'm starting to comment on blogs again, slowly.....this cycle is giving me a little hope now....

Weekend Countdown

No exciting news here....only one hour and I'm outta here (work I mean)!

At 6, DH and I have couple's league for golf. I haven't been out since my disasterous tournament last weekend (just embarassing how I played; nightmare!). I'm looking forward to beating the other couple. I'm sick of losing b/c we have lower handicaps and have to give more strokes to the other couple. Wow that sounded dirty....but the wife of the other couple works at my dentist's office and last time I was there in April, I was 5+ weeks pregnant and had to tell them so they didn't take x-rays. She's seen me drinking beer/mixers over the past month in the clubhouse, so I'm sure she figured out I'm no longer expecting. I hope she doesn't say anything.

At 10, DH and I are going to see this little, unheard of movie called "E.cli.pse". Heard anything about this one? Might be good....it's not like I've had a countdown ticker on my blog for months on this one. I haven't finished the Br.ee Tann.er book yet, 1/2 way done, so I'll have to read it on the way home I guess and in between holes during league.

Tomorrow, DH and I are mowing our lawn (well, he's doing that), tidying up the house, then going to Bun.ker Hil.l golf course for 18 holes. Then we'll watch the city fireworks from our yard and drink some yummy beers (I may have wine, I haven't decided yet).

Sunday is the beginning of my family reunion so we'll go back to Bunk.er H.ill for an 18 hole best shot - we're on different teams this year. Probably b/c the last 2 family outings like this, we've been on the same team and beat everyone. Sunday night, we're going back to the movie theater to see another movie b/c it's Dollar Popcorn/Pop night! We're gluttons.........for punishment...I'm thinking Toy Story 3. I turned down The Last Airbender b/c of the terrible reviews.

Monday is the Family Reunion at a local park.

Whew! I'll be busy, but hopefully it'll be as fun as I think it will!


I should be 14 weeks today. I should have a little belly starting. I should be making announcements.

Instead, I should be ovulating in the next 72 hours. DH and I will be doing our best to get me knocked up again.

I've been dying to tell you guys that I did something bad and you're going to yell (in writing) at me - it's a secret....TTC related. It's much worse than ordering/buying tons of HPTs.....

It's a bit of a no-no in the IF world.

I'm scared to tell. Desperation makes IF-ers do some crazy things. I am that poster child I guess.

No I didn't steal a baby.