Tuesday, April 13, 2010

CD20/5dphcg/4dpiui...trying to pass the time

So. It's early in the two-week wait. I can no longer drink, consume caffiene, and all the pineapple is giving me canker sores. *chuckle* I also do not want to eat the core. Texturally, it's not appealing or easy for me to digest.

This morning, as I munch on my "Blueberry Muffin" flavored Pop Tarts, all I can think about is if this cycle worked. When I can test. When I would do betas. When we'd get an ultrasound. When we'd announce to our families. How we'd tell them (again). Then, if doubt creeps in my mind, I think about the IVF appointment and the fact that we're planning on doing the IVF in less than 3 months and so everything will be okay.

I have to make myself believe that this year (and now I'm thinking of years as in from March 27th to March 27th, instead of January 1st to December 31st, etc) will be it. I will be pregnant or have a baby by next year's anniversary. We are going to do it. We won't have any money but all we need is love, right? lol....

Started the progesterone supps last night. They suck balls. I feel like I'm in junior high b/c I have to wear a pad all the time. Well, mainly just at night. So then I just feel like a kid wearing nighttime pull-ups. TMI but I can feel them leaking so then I dream that I've started my period so I wake up, go check, and by then I'm awake at 2am. Then I realize I may as well put in another one for my 2x/day protocol. Then it starts all over again. Yeah, I do one around 9 or 10pm, then whenever I wake up to pee, between 2-5am.

No, it's not a 12 hour gap like I did when I was laid off and had the time to lay down for the damn things. Some ladies can pop one in and walk away while it all spills out into a pad. I cannot do that. They are not cheap and I'm terrified of the leakage being something I needed or the hypothetical baby needed.

Is anyone reading this any more of an expert than I'd like to be? Advice?

*Also - after working 11 hours yesterday, I went to get my hair did. The girl I usually go to at the salon was too booked up so I had another chick. She gave me Kelly Clarkson Hair. No lie. Dark with huge blond stripy chunks. I said I couldn't live with the hair like that. So, after she'd colored, washed, cut and dried it, she basically had to redo the color. I didn't get home till after 9pm. I.was.not.happy.  But she fixed it and I like it now. Though the "trim" was a bit too much and now I feel like I lost 2 inches. I'm desperately trying to grow it out - don't laugh - for Bella hair. Yep. I want it down to my chesticles and layered for loose curls. Probably no headband though. I am approaching 30. uh. 30.  Don't get me started on that one. It's not the age I'm afraid of, it's the no baby by then that terrifies me - that will mean 5 years. Okay - I'm done.  Till next time.....

2 comments:

Ashley said...

I have no idea about the supps. They sound awful! I just had the PIO which sounds like a better deal. I've been growing out my hair too. It sounds silly, but it's something that I have complete control over, unlike other areas of my life right now. :) And as far as the pineapple, I don't think you have to eat the core. At least that's what I've heard.

Lindsay said...

I'm so glad she fixed your hair!

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