Other Shoe - Not A Dealbreaker

Well I thought things were going too well.

On the fertility clinic front, I received all the paperwork I'd been worried about. They are completely in line with what we were looking for and when we go for our first monitoring appointment on 1/3/11 we will sign them at the clinic. Next Monday we will be making the IVF Cycle payment. Unfortunately, the cost of embryo freezing was not something we'd budgeted for from the start. The remainder of the money we need will probably be available next week but most likely not until 12/31/10. Yup. New Year's Eve. The last day of the year to make a payment. I don't even know if they're going to be open that day. But it will probably come down to sending a check in the mail that week and post-dating it for 12/31/10. Not much else we can do I guess. We really don't want to put it on a credit card.

Here's the other shoe - other than this paperwork stuff, things had been going along just fine. Until last night. It came to our attention that I had made a major budgeting error for one of our checking accounts. Long story short, that's where our embryo cryopreservation funds are going right now instead of with the big payment to the clinic all at once. I'm not perfect. I do not have any addictions and I'm extremely proud of that. However I did not monitor that account properly and at the end of the day we have to move some money around to fix my screw up. I did not sleep at all last night and I was the phone with a couple of banks this morning fixing everything. This all was so avoidable. It's not the end of the world, it just puts us in a holding pattern for about 2 weeks. Sucks but we can and will get through it. This other shoe was a necessary wake-up call for me and it won't stop or prevent this IVF cycle from going through as planned.

Here's the thing:  if DH pulled this stunt, I would be up his butt in a flash and basically becoming super-bitch by coming down on him so hard.

How did DH react to my fcuk up? With hugs, a smile, telling me he was disappointed and that he doesn't want to have to take over all of the money and bills, etc. He told me it'll all be alright, that he knows I won't let this happen again, and that he's happy that I was 100% honest with him from the start instead of hiding it because other couples have problems and by hiding them it makes the marriage weaker.

I still can't figure out how I got so lucky to marry such a wonderful guy. Sure he's not perfect, but after last night I felt like I didn't even deserve someone who treats me so well when I push him so hard all the time. Perhaps the wake-up call wasn't just financial but emotional as well. I've got to stop nagging him and instead I need to focus on being a better wife. I think I've been a brat lately and been feeling so sorry for myself that I've taken too much out on him and probably made him feel unloved, unattractive and unworthy. I'm going to do so much to make that right.

In the meantime, I get to do zero shopping for myself and we have to severely budget for the next 2-3 weeks. Stupid, stupid Christa. When will you learn?

I leave you with how I've felt the last 21 hours:

Also I came across this one which was kind of strange...

And because I became distracted and tried to cheer myself up, I looked up "fertility fail" and found this which I've seen before but it still makes me shake my head:

I showed this to DH several weeks ago and all he could say was, "Man I wish THAT was our problem."